Therapist thinks I may be autistic and I need advice, reassurance, and some resources
If this doesn’t fit in the main sub, sorry and let me know where I can repost this :)
I (25NB) have been seeing my therapist for a few months, and she has been one of the best therapists I have ever had. She is extremely nice and understanding, and has offered me a great deal of room and support as I go through my litany of issues.
Today, I didn’t have a clear direction, just rehashing the same problems hoping for some guidance. At the end, we focused on my OCD, which has been getting worse as time goes on. One particular issue I have that I attributed to my OCD is food. I don’t think it is an issue with textures or taste, but I have a weird relationship with food that leaves me as a picky eater. I think it has a lot more to do with control based off of childhood issues I had, as well as an abusive ex who was very harsh about my food related issues. Once I said this, I felt what seemed like an Aha moment and she asked if I had considered that I might be autistic. We went over several things, and one of them is how I have struggled socially.
She has a focus on late diagnosis, so I do trust her opinion. Even if it does give me some discomfort. Now, I am looking to find some clear guidance on this for my own understanding. In the past, before I ever accept a diagnosis, I feel that I need to know more. I prefer to have an understanding on what it actually means rather than just accept it - I have had a lot of diagnosis that change with the doctor or therapist, and this has helped prevent that.
I am also unsure that I am autistic based on why I struggle being social as an adult. I have struggled socializing periodically throughout my life, especially at this point.
However, when I was successful, it was never forced. I was a social butterfly in high school, but that ended with my abusive partner after I graduated. I struggled in middle school, being a queer child in a very small school made up of country boys (I am amab), however I had no issues socializing prior to the second grade - this is when the bullying really started and became unbearable through the eighth grade. So, to me, my social anxiety was brought on by exterior forces. I also have no issues with things like eye contact, reading body language, or understanding others emotions. I simply feel that I am no longer as capable as I once was at connecting with people. I am in a long term relationship, and within the bounds of that, I feel like I am still very capable of connecting with my partner and being myself freely.
I was diagnoses with ADHD around the age of 4, if I remember correctly, and I saw a psychiatrist for my medication. I also had a social worker for a year after DCFS was called to my home (I was not abused at home,but my brother was a very difficult child). As an adult, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD. My BPD has been under control for years, I have been medicated the entire time with little to no symptoms at this point.I bring this up because she says that it is not uncommon for people to be diagnosed with BPD but the issues presenting may be more closely related to autism (in this niche scenario, not as a rule).
Overall, I have a complex set of issues, and I really want to understand how autism could fit together in all of this. My therapist did not diagnose me, she just asked and told me her perspective about it. While I am uncomfortable with the idea of being autistic, mostly for the stigma that I already face having BPD, I want to know if this is something I have been dealing with my entire life. Knowing would give me the tools to help myself like it had with BPD. If anyone has perspective or good resources, especially resources that aren’t biased in any direction, I would really appreciate it!
tldr: My therapist thinks I might have autism, and I would like some perspective and resources to better understand what that looks like.