My experiences validate the redpill and I don't want that
Why everytime I behaved poorly with a woman I ended up with her chasing me?
I don't consider myself an Incel, I have a decent time with women but the more I try to get involved with one the more I learn that they LOVE my bad habits, such as being a womanizer (or thinking of me as one, even though I'm not), talking poorly to someone when they mess up (I'm very decent at my job and I'm often responsible for lecturing people when they fail at something), having money or just arguing between us.
That's really killing me. I'm never loved by how much I care about other persons or how funny I am, it's all about power dynamics and meeting an standard for being manly that I don't care at all. In fact, I despise it. I want someone who loves me besides of those traits, not because of them.
I'm starting to see this pattern a lot and, while there are exceptions of course, even my circles are surrounded by relationships with this pattern. Heck even my mother was like this, the boyfriends that cared a lot for her ended up in the dumpster and the ones who played her ended up being missed and greatly remembered.
I honestly just... Don't want to accept that relationships are like this... But even with the girls that I had an incredible chemistry were attracted to me for those superficial traits and ended up poorly when, as they said, they found I wasn't like that.
What should I do...?