23F and I find it hard to not dislike redpill
Hey everyone.
I’m 23 as title already mentions and I’m just venting, I don’t expect much but I just wanted to let this off my chest because I cannot handle it anymore.
I have no friends, I don’t know what it is about me but i’ve never been able to have a single female friendship, I did try recently with some girl I spoke to on Reddit but I sent too many voice notes and I even asked if it’s okay, she said yes it is. I was trying to help her and she blocked me. I also had another friend i tried making from a guy I knew online, things were going well, we met up twice but then she done a 360 and changed.. yes it made me so so anxious, I also needed her help since something terrible happened to my bf on his own birthday and this was a foreign country she was more familiar with than I was. And you guessed it, she dried texted me after a few days after telling me she’d help. I know I’m stupid for thinking people hold up their own end of their bargain. I just thought I could trust for once and let go of the hurt, which I try to do. It ended up not working, she said she was busy but it had been 3-4 days and when I only told her “hey I think you don’t care about me” that’s when she responded much faster.
The other issue is, I want to make girlfriends, not guy friends since guy friends are easy to have and I don’t want to disrespect my bf. He’s my only guy friend, the only man in my life I love but I don’t wanna burden him with my personal issues, he does know about my friend problem but he can’t do much, it has to be that fixes this.
Anyway yeah, I just blocked her on everything and tbh when I saw she didn’t even try to amend things, DM or care, it just showed me where her priorities were, it was the fact she just wanted a friend but to not BE A FRIEND.
So now with me saying both of these situations, i’m not in my old home town, I’ve been travelling for a year and a bit now, but I may or may not go to my home town. I decided to find WhatsApp groups in my home town and I did. All I found were influencer girls with incredibly shallow personalities and no depth.. the other thing is, because I’ve not grown up properly I notice women my age dry text or don’t make the first move, the other thing I’ve noticed is that they expect me to be a ‘man”’ in a sense that I text, plan, and I have done these things but it’s 9 times out of 10 it’s led to disrespect, being treated badly so I stopped bothering but I wish I could find girlfriends who didn’t dry text. Some people tell me to just meetup with someone who dry texts but I just think if they can’t even hold a conversation on text and they don’t even want to call, why would I want to even meetup with them? I don’t expect fast replies but atleast have some depth when you’re responding, put the same effort as me. I’ve also dry texted other women, after they have done to me, to try to fit in. It just dies out and I can’t even be bothered.
How do I actually find women who don’t dry text? The other problem is a lot of female friends I make who are single, they try to either steal my man, bring their unnecessary dating drama. There was a time, I was used as an emotional tampon, by a friend I made when I was 19, but I learned a big lesson and I’m just careful.
I also have tried finding girls with the same interests as me, there was one but she randomly got dry, when I wanted to meetup fast, she said she had some medical issue in her stomach and couldn’t meet. I was like ‘sure’ but now I just don’t speak to her as she started getting dry, we were vibing as well.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’ve not had proper girlfriends and I’ve stopped believing in girlhood or being a girls girl. Being a girls girl has only burnt me. I don’t hate men as much as I hate women nowadays, because men don’t do these things to me. I’ve never had a man dry text me my whole life unless it was someone from a dating app (when I was single) but I really want girlfriends but maybe because I have a lot of depth, interest and the average stuff doesn’t excite me I probably will never get that girl group I want. Maybe I should just prioritize making a family and only caring for them.. I know it’s messed up but yeah..
Honestly it’s hard to not dislike redpill, when I see what men see about women. I can’t hate them, it’s hard, I want to not like the redpill community but it doesn’t help. My bf also holds some redpill opinions and views, but he doesn’t say anything about women like that when I talk about friendships, he just says most women have no depth to their character or are just tainted. It sucks so much, I really hate it.
The thing is, I’m also incredibly traditional minded and I can’t relate with other people’s financial struggles as much, for example I collect jellycats and one girl told me “that’s so expensive”, I can’t relate to any circle with girls my age, rich or poor. I also find a lot of behaviors from other women trashy that go clubbing too overtly, I know I sound incredibly judgemental here but yeah. I just want friends but it probably will never happen