r/RedPillWomen

hi everyone,

currently single but I recently started seeing someone and it can become serious.

im asking for generic advice and not about this single case.

basically I have an extremely bad relationship with my mother. she disowned me and doesn’t talk to me. if it was up to her I would have been kicked out of my parents home and cut out of the family.

with my father I get along better, he does act like my father. But the problem is they are together and I try to stay away from my mother, so it’s complicated.

usually I don’t tell men about my “traumas” because some men out there can use it against you.

But at some point I might have explain to him why he’ll never step foot in my parents home and he’ll only meet my father.

how do you introduce this? Specially when he’s someone who is close to his family and values them a lot? And at what stage it is safe?

as I said I’m seeing someone now. But technically we are not officially dating. At what point do I speak about this? He’s asked about my family and I only speak about my father and siblings. Never said a word about my mother and just avoid the questions. But I guess at some point I’ll have to let him know whats going on.

im afraid this could impact me in a negative way. And I mean aome men could see it as a red flag? I know it’s something I can’t control so why should I worry about it. but it’s something that’s on my mind lately.

I'm probably experiencing some anxiety with my new relationship though im not showing it to him.

It's only been 3 months of dating but I can easily see myself marrying this man..He's literally my perfect man.

The last month has been a little rocky to say the least, we've discussed some serious future related topics and we are both a little defensive and it got a bit messy.

We have talked everything through, reconciled and things are great again. We even said I love you. I genuinely do.

How do I keep this one? He works crazy long hours, is a top earner in my country, hes so smart, makes me laugh and I might be in trouble 😆

Hey all,

I’m going to try and be as concise as possible as it’s a long story. I’m 27F and husband is 36M, we’ve been married 1 year and together 3.5 yrs.

Four years ago we met via social media and started working together on an online business whixh at first did pretty well and we had high expectations with it, especially financially. In this process we fell in love and I moved to be in his city. I really admired him at first. He had just started his own company and had high expectations for himself and us. My dream was to be successful with mine but also to be with a man who was successful with his. I sacrificed a lot to be with him.

Overtime his own projects weren’t doing all that well and he decided they were taking time away from our project whixh had a lot of potential and he decided to only focus on it. This wasn’t my preference at all but I trusted it. In the couple of years that came we worked quite hard at it but eventually bc of reasons beyond our control it stopped doing well. It’s been like that for like two years or around 1.5 years now. Keep in mind we split this income (not actually split bc we share finances but we live from it). So it’s been a while that we’ve been making not too much.

Soon before the wedding my husband started spending lots of time playing chess on his PC or phone. He’d claim he was doing so in the inevitable downtime of our project (there are times when u have to wait for certain things to download etc and there’s not much to do). But he was def spending way too much time on it whixh brought so much tension right before the wedding and I attributed it to pre-wedding blues. At our honeymoon I told him how much I needed him to have his own thing that wasn’t reliant on me (I am the face of our project, he does the behind the scenes work), especially bc he’s always talked about how much he’d love to be a dad soon and there’s no way I’d feel a comfortable being a mother with our current arrangement.

After the honeymoon he tried (half assedly imo) some things here and then and once Xmas hit (I’m talking last xmas) our income was bad enough that he started to realize he might need to get a job or open something else and I think it was around March that he finally decided on it.

Well….we’re in late august and nothing has changed. He was applying to jobs before the summer but stopped bc apparently in this country (we’re in southern Europe) they don’t hire in the summer for his position (he says he used to be a marketing director and make good money). His mom also claims they don’t hire, so idk. One day he tells me he’s thinking of opening a digital business or even a physical one, another he says he’s waiting till fall to start applying. The uncertainty for all these months, if not a year, is heartbreaking. Especially bc he doesn’t seem like he’s trying at all. When he isn’t working for our mutual project whixh doesn’t take more than a few hours a day, he’s on his phone wasting time. He swears he’s waiting for ideas or thinking of things or that things will change soon, but he’s been saying that for months.

I want to clarify some things: first I’m an American citizen and while I was in Europe before him, I moved to his country for him. I’ve sacrificed so much for him (things that I wouldn’t really do now in hindsight but I was young and naive). The country we live in is terrible economically and for entrepreneurs. The jobs also pay really bad (the average salary is literally like 1300€). He doesn’t feel motivated to at least go and get like a waitressing job bc since he closed his company they’re paying him like 800€ for unemployment and he’d get paid like 1300€ as a waiter or similar so I get why he doesn’t want to do that.

However he also doesn’t want to move to the US where, yea I know the job market is rough too, but personally I’m from a city full of constantly incoming immigrants and I’ve seen so many of them who work hard succeed. He doesn’t want to move bc his parents are elderly, whixh I get but even they’ve said they would totally get it. And that we could even go at it for a little while and come back if it doesn’t work.

I also want to add that we live rent free in a flat he inherited from his parents whixh is a huge blessing. His parents own a few properties so he will have a nice inheritance. And with all the money he saved from previous jobs and from not paying rent he was able to buy two flats that are now rented out and give us a total of 1000€ a month (which is also about what our business gives us). Keep in mind that buying flats here are a lot cheaper than in the US and thus the rent is also way less accordingly.

I’m thankful for all that, don’t get me wrong. What is killing me is his lack of ambition. He’s totally comfortable with us making that money, our main job relying on my face, and just wasting hours each day. It’s killing me yall. I’ve cried pleaded and even given an ultimatum that I’m only waiting till the end of the year to see a change in attitude. I’ve also been loving respectful supporting implemented Laura Doyle etc but I can’t take it anymore. This man is literally sitting around when he’s not doing the few hours of work our project takes. It feels like he completely takes me for granted and I can’t actually see him changing by the end of the year after this trajectory.

He has awesome qualities like being good to me, being very committed and loyal, being respectful, he makes me feel so loved and safe, etc but I do too. I am very good looking fun smart feminine fit. I don’t have a problem with my man failing but I do have a problem with him not trying, especially after all I’ve sacrificed and bring to the table. There’s no reason for him to be sitting around giving me promises that never come true and talking about how much he’d love to be a dad. It’s killing me and my respect for him. I’ve employed all strategies and nothing seems to work, it’s so heartbreaking. Furthermore the age difference also implies we’re not on the same level libido wise. He’s a 2-3x week kinda guy, while I’d like more. Feels like I’m sacrificing a lot.

I feel like it’s a countdown till new years now and he won’t change till some crazy happens or I declare I’m quitting. Maybe I should quit and then he’d feel like he’d really have to get his shit together. I can’t with his passivity anymore, I don’t believe his promises anymore and I’m in pain everyday when I see him sit around. Yes I’ve talked about it. Yes I’ve been supportive and inspiring. Yes I’ve cried. I’ve done everything and he’s still ok with working 3 hrs everyday and making 1000€ euros for both of us (plus unemployment and the flat yes) and telling me he wants to be a dad; whixh he knows I won’t do unless he can fully provide and I don’t have to show my face.

Please help, he swears he loves me but sometimes it feels like he’s taking me in for a ride…he swears it hurts him how he’s let me down but he doesn’t change so… :((

As we speak he says he’s gonna start waking up way earlier to finally figure out what he’s gonna do, he says he feels very pressured and useless. My parents love him and think it’s just a rough patch, but they don’t feel what I feel. I’m completely prepared to walk away by the end of the year.

Hi ladies! I’m back after a year and eight months of marriage to my dream man, and I wanted to put some of the best advice I’ve learned here into one post, along with my own take on it and what has worked really well for us. Some of this is stuff I learned here and some is stuff I’ve figured out from my own marriage / talking to my husband. I’ll get right to it!

1. Give him your problem, not your solution

This one has been huge for me. Give him your problem, not the solution you already came up with in your head.

Like instead of asking him to carry your suitcase, say, “I’m worried about getting this suitcase through the airport by myself, it’s so heavy and overwhelming.” Or instead of “you need to call the plumber,” say “I’m stressed that the sink is still leaking and I literally don’t know what to do about it.”

It sounds like such a small difference but it really changes the dynamic. You’re telling him what is actually going on with you and then giving him room to decide what he wants to do about it. He gets to see the need and step in on his own. You feel taken care of because he chose to help you, and he gets to feel useful and trusted instead of like you’re assigning him another task.

Also, his solution may not be the solution you already decided was the “right” one 😂 Let that be okay. If the problem gets solved, who cares if he did it differently than you would have. This ties into #4.

And obviously read the room. If you’re both scrambling through the airport carrying 900 things, carry your own suitcase lol. The point is not to become helpless or start speaking in riddles every time you need something. It’s more about giving him a chance to respond before you automatically decide what his role is and tell him exactly what to do.

Same goes for being tired / overwhelmed. Tell him. You don’t need to quietly run yourself into the ground and then get resentful that he didn’t magically notice.

2. Be extremely generous with appreciation

When he does something you like, especially when he does it unprompted, tell him how it made you feel.

So if he carries your suitcase, I wouldn’t just say “thank you babe!!” I’d say something like, “thank you so much for carrying my suitcase babe, it makes me feel so special and I feel so much more relaxed at the airport now. You’re the best.”

Be genuine obviously. But focus on the actual positive feeling / effect that what he did had on you. Sometimes it feels like overkill, but trust me it’s not. It means a lot. Do it constantly.

Say please and thank you way too often. Thank you is probably even more important. Always ask nicely. And be specific with your thank yous.

Also random specific compliments. Not just “you’re hot” or “you’re the best” (but those are good too!!). Tell him the random little things you genuinely love about him. Men remember this stuff.

3. Don’t make him the target of your bad mood

I try really hard not to be short with my husband. Obviously sometimes I am because I am a human lol, but I really try not to make it a normal thing. And when I catch myself doing it I apologize as soon as I realize / I’m able to.

It’s your responsibility to regulate your own nervous system. That doesn’t mean you have to hide your feelings at all. You can be sad, pissed off, overwhelmed, whatever. But your partner is so often the easiest person to dump all of that onto because they’re safe and they’re right there.

I have definitely had moments where I thought I was annoyed at my husband / convinced myself he was the problem and then later realized I actually had something else going on that I hadn’t processed at all (read - “the body keeps score”).

Do as much work on yourself as possible to figure out what your triggers are and get better at noticing what’s actually happening inside you. Then communicate that to him instead of just being curt, irritated, snappy, etc.

And if he actually did something that bothered you, absolutely tell him, but tell him calmly and kindly and not in an accusatory way. I just think it’s so much better to say what the issue is than make him figure it out because your entire personality changed for 3 hours lol.

4. Don’t correct him

This one is hard if you’re someone who naturally has an opinion on how everything should be done 😂
If he’s doing something and you know a better way to do it, really try to just let him do it. Both men and women hate being corrected all the time.

If you want him to take ownership of things, you have to actually let him take ownership. You can’t be like “can you handle this?” and then stand over him explaining the exact steps you would personally take.

Give him space to show you what he can do. He really may surprise you. He might even (definitely will!!) teach you something. And if he does it wrong sometimes, he will learn.

Same thing if he says he wants to do something a certain way or he cares about something. I try really hard not to immediately convince my husband out of things just because I personally think there is a better option. He is his own person. He has his own judgment and his own way of doing things.

Obviously you are partners and you are allowed to have an opinion lol. I’m not saying sit silently while he makes some enormous life decision that affects both of you. Use your judgment. But generally I try to lean away from “are you sure that’s gonna work??” energy.

Constantly telling someone there’s a better way to do everything eventually just makes them feel like you don’t trust their judgment and will make them a shell of themselves or want to avoid talking to you.

5. Give him time to answer you

This is such a small thing and has actually made a huge difference for us.

If I ask my husband a question and he doesn’t immediately respond, I wait. Even if it’s like 5-10 seconds.

I used to fill that silence without even realizing I was doing it. Ask another question, start guessing what he meant, explain myself more, answer the question for him, move onto something else lol.

Now I just wait. I’ll look at him nicely and wait or look away 😂 but I stay engaged.

I really think a lot of guys just take an extra second to process things / figure out what they actually want to say. And when you give them the time instead of jumping in, you end up hearing way more.

Just waiting a few seconds and stopping myself from immediately following up after I make a statement or ask a question has led to so many surprisingly insightful and meaningful conversations with my husband. Like genuinely. And I think it also makes him feel like I actually want to hear what he has to say instead of just waiting for my turn to talk.

6. Accept that you may show love differently

This was a big mindset shift for me.

One of my favorite ways to show my husband I love him is rubbing his head the second I wake up, before we have even said good morning lol. I’ll do it for however long I have the energy / time. Sometimes literally forever.

And I’m like… this is pretty sweet and romantic right?? Wouldn’t it be nice if someone did this for me 😂

But he loves me in completely different ways. He cooks me amazing meals. He gets up and goes to a stressful job every day. He takes care of me emotionally and physically when I’m down. He does a million little things for me.

If I sat around waiting for him to show love exactly the way I naturally show love, I would miss half the love I’m actually getting.

Pay attention to his ways of loving you. Once you start noticing them you will see them everywhere.

7. Be very generous with physical affection + keep it sexual/flirty

Be super generous with physical affection. Ideally have as much sex as possible.

Obviously if you don’t want to have sex, don’t force yourself. But there are a million ways to keep the relationship physically and sexually connected even when you don’t feel like having full-on sex that second. Oral if you want to. Initiate the next day. Lots of kissing / Randomly make out with him / Touch him when you walk past / Flash him your boobs lol.

None of this has to result in sex. That’s actually part of what makes it fun. Just keep that sexual / flirty energy alive.

Something my husband has taught me is that sometimes doing something sexual where he has to do literally nothing can feel so loving to him.

I think men are expected to perform all day long in a million different ways. Work, family, responsibilities, whatever. And then sex can accidentally become another thing where they’re thinking okay I need to last long enough, I need to make sure she finishes, I need to do this right, etc. Sometimes all that responsibility can suck the joy out of it a little.

My husband has told me he loves when I initiate sometimes and make it clear that he can basically just enjoy himself. Like he doesn’t necessarily have to perform or make me finish that time. I think it can almost feel “wrong” to them at first to have sex without doing the work lol, but sometimes they’re tired and they still want intimacy and they still want to get off. It means alot to them for you to realize and acknowledge this fact.

And nonsexual affection counts too. Head rubs or literally whatever your man loves. My husband has told me he likes head rubs almost as much as oral sex, which is insane 😂 but okay. I will rub his head for hours sometimes, 5 minutes other times, or literally 10 seconds while I’m walking past him. I just try to do it a lot.

One way I personally think about sexual exclusivity is that if someone chooses to be exclusive with you, let alone marry you, you are each other’s only source of sex. To me that means we both have some responsibility to actually care about each other’s sexual needs and not treat sex like some totally optional side category of the marriage that doesn’t matter.

That obviously does not mean either person is entitled to sex whenever they want it. But I do think if there is a libido issue, medication issue, pain, medical problem etc. affecting your sex life, it is worth talking about together and potentially talking to your doctor about it instead of just letting your sex life slowly disappear and never addressing it.

So, basically -

I think all of this really comes down to making your relationship feel like a place where both people are appreciated, wanted, trusted and taken care of.

Notice what he does and tell him when it makes you happy.
Let him do things his own way.
Be affectionate.
Have fun with him.
Tell him what’s going on with you.
Give him room to show up for you.

I am absolutely not perfect at any of this lol. I still catch myself doing the exact things I’m telling you not to do 😂 but the more I’ve practiced all of this, the better and better our marriage has gotten. My husband and I are truly so incredibly in love, and he feels like he won the lottery by marrying me (and vice versa!!) and I attribute a lot of these practical steps to that.

My husband (62) and I (45) are so disconnected. I know I'm driving him crazy with my neediness. And I have been awful. Plus alcohol, drugs, financial and actual infidelity. Now I just need him to be there for me so I can get better - thats all I keep saying to him. He hates me on the inside- ofc. And i cant get past that. Im spinning in circles, and the only place its getting me is closer and closer to dovorce court. He hasn't been a saint, but hes still here. He can be cruel and harsh, but hes been put thru a lot. But hes always been that way. How can I get free coaching with the empowered wife? I need someone to hold me accountable or call when I need to vent. I cant keep going to him. I live in fear of losing him. We have children and it is so detrimental to them. Why cant I stop crying and being so selfish? Ive asked him to help me for years. Instead, in his words, he sits back and watches the show. Weve been together over 22 years. I just dont understand why im not worth helping and saving. He loves God but wont pray with me. We just had a really great week, and then we went to his boss's wedding and I ruined it for my husband. We left early, everyone was looking at us, i was crying. Im immature and insecure and Idk how to be good when im put down or yelled at to stop crying. I feel like a child and he just tears me apart. I know my worth, sometimes. I just want my family happy

My partner has officially blocked my mom. My partner was at an event where he didn’t see my mom and he walked right past her and she was trying to say hi to him and she got offended because she thought he ignored her. My partner sent her an apology text when he found out what he did. She ignored his message and never responded. My mom does not handle conflict well and is someone who just sweeps it under the rug. My partner likes to address conflict. This was months ago. My mom then came to visit and my partner and her had a nice time but he did bring up in person that he wanted to speak with her about the message and what happened and she basically told him another time. I ended up talking to my mom multiple times and told her it was important to me that they talk about it. She texted him to try to set up a call but whenever he was free she said she wasn’t. This back and forth went on for a few days. My partner got angry and then blocked her…… I don’t know what to do.

would it be much different from the life you have now? I surely feel deprived and that life could be so much better..

Mods! I rewrote my post and I hope this one is following the rules. I think it’s for women and their relationships. I think I’m having an identity crisis so I need help with my relationship myself plus others.

Okay! I found a reason why I feel so intrigued to post here,
I
Two years ago, I came out about a rape that happened to me seven years ago. It has been quite a horrific 2 year. I have had to undergo multiple surgeries Keagle‘s therapy and on top of that I was trying to make it work with the guy I came out about all of this and what makes that even worse is that he was trying to make it work with me even though hes very sexual and it is so strong that he’s pissed off that we can’t even have sex because of what’s going wrong with me. well, I’ve been home the past couple of weeks and I plan here for the time being as I don’t think this guy is in my life anymore, regardless, I’m having to sit and think a lot about everything because I don’t have him as a distraction… And the words that he would tell me finally sunk in I was a total whore like I slept with this entire friend group and did not value myself. I guess that you could call that daddy issues which is super embarrassing because my cousin who has the most cookie cutter lifestyle and growing up is also my neighbor and her husband is one of the guys from the friend group that thinks I’m such a whore so not only did I lose the guy that I was supposed to be with because my vagina is not working and my mood affects my nervous system and my mental health now I’m just at home thinking about how much of a whore I am in this small town where everybody knows everybody.
So the question is will I have to lie about my past forever like I know there’s gonna have to be a lot of parts. I don’t mention, but it just feels like the whole thing was bad. I don’t know if anything good to talk about. I just stayed home most of it and partied and slept with people like I don’t know of any other thing that I had on my mind during that time any ambitions or desires nothing I did drugs and not normal things that people that age are supposed to be into. I hung out with older men like 30 years my age like fucking gross and now I’m here having to accept all of this something I should have done a long time ago.

Anyway, I’m scared about if I could ever be loved by anybody again because the guy who is in a committed serious relationship wants to know about your past right and I was such a whore my 20s and now I’m 30 and I’m like my vagina doesn’t work like I feel like a washed up hoe no one would ever want to marry someone like me. Like I don’t fit the qualifications for a wife, I’m not wife material.

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE!

hi everyone,

I hope I don’t make anyone uncomfortable with this post and I hope this discussion is allowed here.

I am a North African woman living in Europe and as much as im proud of my ethnicity and culture, I hate the relationship dynamics we have going on. I hate the gender roles, the culture surrounding in laws involvement in marriage, etc.

That’s why I only want to date western men. By this I mean European men and immigrants with a western mindset.

I’ve met a lot of fellow North Africans who have a westernised mindset when it comes to relationships but the usually go for white women.

And when it comes to European men dating other ethnicities it’s not as common. I feel like European women are more open to date outside their race/culture.

So I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach this. my social life is limited, my closest friends are all immigrants, my coworkers are all older than me and I don’t like using dating apps (I feel like I’m not good at them)

Sorry for the generic question but I thought I could try asking.

thank you!

sorry i just made a post on here but i had another thought😭
i never went to college, i’m a professional makeup artist in nyc im 22 btw but i feel like the guys i end up liking usually have went to college because it seems like almost everyone i meet is in college or graduated. do you guys think most men care about ur degree (or lack of it lol) if you are doing somewhat well in ur career otherwise?

Today is my 34th birthday. I agree with red pill and know I am not a feminist.

i keep hearing of women hitting the wall. oh, I hate being lumped in here, but I know I probably am.

i am a virgin still, a Christian. I wear a size 2 in clothes, so guess I am in shape. I am blind since birth, can do laundry and light housework and need to work on cooking more things. I tend to be childlike, a bit reserved. never had a career.

someone advise me. I want to be a wife and mama, but maybe children would be risky?

I would prefer an older gentleman.

am I crashing into the wall? what are my options? also, I want to marry a sighted man, but maybe that is asking a lot? someone, please help.

I think most of us have that one man from our past who stands out and we couldn’t make it work with or get commitment from.

I’d love to hear some of those stories. Dealing with my own situation right now and would like to know about others who’ve dealt with it.

I’m happy with my bf who is amazing but I still think about the one who made me feel most feminine and embodied something more purely masculine than anyone else I’ve known.

So do you believe in the concept of an alpha-widow type experience?

I would think this is a community that would share my feelings on this? We’ll see I guess 🥲

I got/started a social media management job for an only fans creator who lives local to me, about a month ago. I took the job, despite my personal opinions on OF, because I’ve been looking for a job in social media for a while and it was presented to me, and because she’s an OF creator, she has a huge following which looks even better on my resume.

What is becoming really hard for me is seeing these OF girls all day on the Instagram accounts I manage. They are constantly making videos flaunting their wealth, and they have insane wealth.. 20 year olds with mansions, or big pieces of land. And it just feels so unfair. That those of us who have pride in ourselves and want to succeed in life based on our skills and hard work/dedication to a goal, are struggling and will probably never have that level of wealth. And they got it from having s*x on camera and posting naked pictures/videos of themselves online.

To me this is one of the biggest examples that life is just totally unfair and there’s no rhyme or reason to it, you either choose to be a moralistic and virtuous person because you believe it’s valuable and worth being for a greater cause…or you don’t and you live a selfish, hedonistic lifestyle. Also, to live a lifestyle like that and then to brag about the wealth you acquired from it… it’s just so gross when we all know how much suffering there is in this country, let alone world, due to poverty and financial insecurity.

How do you show this off early on? What exactly am I supposed to be showing?

I (29F) met this guy (39M) 2 years ago when I was doing a solo trip in his city. We met online and we immediately clicked. We spent two wonderful dates together and we kissed on the last date but that's it. When I went back to my country, in my head it was just a sweet little fling. A few weeks after, he texted me to wish me a happy new year, and that's when we started to date. I was going to visit him in his city most of the time because I was the most flexible one in terms of schedule (but he also came to visit me once, when he had vacation time).

As we were spending time together, I quickly asked about exclusivity. He never gave me a proper answer, he said that he takes relationships very seriously and he wants to be able to be sure that the person he'll be with is the right one (his last relationship was from 12+ years ago). So he never wanted to confirm explicitly that we were exclusive, but he insisted on the fact that he was not seeing anyone and that he was not the type to date around or to seek one-night stands whatsoever. I was left very frustrated with that answer. He always said he was looking for a girlfriend, but never accepted to call me his, or hinting it...

So basically over the 2 years we've been on and off because I pulled away three or four times since I didn't feel like he wanted to commit fully, despite meeting each other and behaving like a couple (without the sex), so he has reason to see a pattern. I wanted to label our relationship but he was still very wishy-washy about that. From time to time, he'd say "you're not my girlfriend, we're not in a relationship," to shut down things I asked for. But at the same time, when we'd meet, everything would be amazing and sweet, great chemistry, and we would behave like a couple, he would be affectionate and caring about my needs etc.

Another thing was that we would fight a lot because I felt like I was giving a lot more than him (texting, calling, suggesting to meet).

We cut contact between November and March (until I reached out to him), and when we met, we spent an amazing time together, and we started to date again since then. I noticed a lot of change in him, we would communicate more, he would reach out more and make more space for me in his life, he would let himself be more vulnerable and I could feel that he started to get more attached. On my side, I made the effort to not rush about the relationship status, so it could give him some space to actually vet me more and see if he really wanted to be with me. I could genuinely tell that I was very feminine, caring and that he really appreciated having me around. Everything was more fluid and healthy.

The last time we met was in June, I visited him and everything was perfect, he even introduced me to some of his surroundings.

A month ago I told him I plan my months far ahead and asked him to come back to me with dates so we could meet in August. He kept saying "I don't know," even though I reached out twice. So I eventually filled my month, and he was upset about that. We had a fight and I told him that I felt like he hadn't put me as a priority. I was very hurt, as I was very excited to meet him, I felt like the level of effort was unequal. I pulled away and he noticed that I wasn't texting or calling as much and was hurt by that. So we had a long talk where I told him that I put in more effort, and that we were fighting too much, and to summarize, I told him that we should have a break (not a breakup, and I said so explicitly) because I just felt exhausted with all of this.

Two days later I was talking with a friend and she managed to find his Hinge profile (he had never deleted the apps, I was aware of that, but he always told me that he never used them), marked as active, with a recent photo I had taken of him on a good day together when we met in June, as his first picture. Two days before that, he'd given me a long speech about how trust is the most important thing to him and blablabla.

We had a 5-hour call where I confronted him. He insisted he never used the app and that he just updates his profile all the time, but wasn't thinking too much into it. I told him that my trust was broken, and that I've always been transparent with him, and exclusive; he assured me that he never went on a date, never lied to me, and that if I was uncomfortable he would have deleted the apps. I believe he probably didn't cheat but now I'm having second thoughts about everything in our on-and-off relationship. But he wouldn't fully own it: every "I shouldn't have done that" came with a "but," and he ended up blaming my friend for "destroying" us.

However, for the first time in 2 years he told me he loved me, that he'd thought about kids with me, that no woman in 15 years mattered more, that I made a big change in his life and that since we reconnected in March, he was really considering being committed to me, and that he often talks about me to his friends for advice, and told his mother about me. To be honest, in the beginning of the phone call, I was in full emotionless mode, accusing him and calling him a liar and an untrustworthy person. He spent his time explaining himself, trying to repair things, saying a whole bunch of positive things about me that I wasn't aware of, and that he could have said way before all this mess.

He sobbed for the last 40 minutes. I stayed on the phone comforting him.

I know I made the decision to end things, but deep down I never really wanted that, I was just very mad and hurt and now I miss him badly. I also thought this relationship is ruined anyway, and that I should move on even if it hurts.

Another piece of information is that I was a virgin when I met him and he always respected my pace, was never pushy and his behavior was always gentle towards me. So a few months ago in March when we reconnected, I gave him my first time (huge mistake, I know...), which I know makes this heavier and more emotional for me than it should be. Part of me thinks that now that everything has finally been said, we'd have healthier foundations, since he admitted that he was in love, he cried and admitted that he messed up, and for my part I still have hope that we could be a good couple and that we were moving towards something healthier.

I want to write/call him and ask whether we should try to save whatever there is to save between us, and be in a fully committed relationship. The other part of me is very annoyed that I'd be the one initiating again, but I really want to. I've told my best friend and my sister about this, and they immediately told me that I deserve better and that he should never have updated his dating profile and that it shows he'll be unfaithful.

I'd like to have a RPW perspective on that, should I persist with trying something with this man? Should I reach out, or is "he only said it once he was losing me" the whole answer? I'm very lost.

I’m sure this title will come as no surprise. I’m a 27 year old female from Melbourne, Australia and I work in law. The lay of the land here in Melbourne is very left leaning, but even more so where I work (government). I really struggle to connect with my colleagues outside of work because of my conservative views. I don’t believe in just being friends with those agree with you - dissent is vital to all relationships, but our goals and the way we live our lives are fundamentally different so I struggle to connect and feel like a social pariah.

For example: my workplace is predominantly female and I was recently at the lunch table. We all get along great and generally always have a laugh and always help one another. But other than that I’m ostracised. During lunch one of my older female colleagues was on the phone to her teenage daughter telling her to stop pestering their dog. We all had a giggle as she rolled her eyes and made faces like “see what I have to deal with?” But then the girls my age started talking about how that’s why they don’t want kids and what a nightmare it seems like. To me, getting married and having kids is a non negotiable. That’s what you’re supposed to and I’ve been dreaming about it since childhood. They then all started to chime in about how kids are so expensive and that money could go to travelling and how exhausting the responsibility would be. I said I can’t wait to have kids. I might as well have said I killed someone. They asked me why and I was shocked. I said I actually want 5 children and you would think I shot someone. I felt so out of place and honestly disgusted that as women in their late 20’s and early 30’s they could detest having a family like that.

I have this problem overall with friendships and my best friend and I are starting to drift for these reasons because where I’m thinking of marriage (my boyfriend will soon be proposing) and kids she is wanting to go out for drinks every Friday night with colleagues and not at all interested in that. That’s not to say I can’t or don’t go out, but I would rather go to the gym or spend time with my boyfriend, and what happens when I have kids? Then I see a group of my colleagues (my best friend and I work together so she’s in that group) all go out together on the weekends and such and I feel so left out and I know it’s because I don’t fit in with them.

I have other close friends who are married with children but it’s still hard not to be ostracised at my workplace even when they are all nice in the office because I know they don’t want to hang out with me due to my conservative views and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting.

I’m struggling to find high achieving traditional values female friends that I can really bond with who understand and have the same values

I posted here a few weeks ago and got some great insight. Decided to post again and be more realistic about my feelings instead of trying to gloss over them.

My husband and I (both 35) have been married for 7 years. We have a newborn baby together. I’m a stay at home mom/wife. I gained 30 pounds during pregnancy, but I’m very tall so it isn’t too obvious - I’m already back in the gym though and eating healthy every single meal. My hair and outfits are still taken care of. People say all the time they can’t believe I just had a baby, so I think I’m keeping myself put together.

The issues I’m going to describe have been going on since 2021ish, my main contribution to these issues is being a doormat and also mirroring him when he’s upset (eg if he raises his voice, I’ll raise my voice too instead of remaining calm).

I think I’ve lost respect, attraction, and admiration for my husband.

He’s a highly anxious person by nature, it has slowly become a turn off more and more over time.

He hasn’t wanted to spice things up sexually, ever, even when I’ve made some mild suggestions (he was a virgin when we met). Ideas I’ve presented to him have been extremely vanilla (no threesomes, other participants, etc). I feel like I can’t open up around him and have fun, like he literally only wants to fuck missionary and spooning. No toys, nothing new or interesting (besides when I decide to buy lingerie for myself).

I feel rejected because I’ve described physical touches that I like and prefer and he doesn’t do them.

I’m a 6ft tall woman and he’s 6’5 but still once told me that I was “too big” while we were having sex because I asked him to support his upper body a little more. I was uncomfortable and just needed some of his bodyweight off of me, so I gently asked and he shouted “well you’re too big” which really stung and I haven’t been able to get over that. Especially since my past boyfriends were all shorter than me and never had any issues……

Things I never cared about before I all of a sudden care about now: his posture sucks, the tone of his voice sounds wimpy, he seeks out too much approval from me (like asking if I like his haircut).

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, I feel like an awful wife and I’m going crazy.

I’m definitely harboring resentment for being mistreated in the past and I also feel taken advantage of. The “lover girl” side of me is empty with nothing else to give.

I’m sure some of this is due to postpartum hormones, but if I’m being completely honest I was having these feelings pre pregnancy and just pushing them down in order to not be critical.

What is a good course of action here? I have accepted that I can’t change him. I don’t want to threaten to leave him, but it feels like that’s the only thing I can do in order to have a chance at living the life I want.

I've been learning a lot on this sub and through therapy, finding my purpose and goals, etc, but I've honestly realized most of my friends aren't similar in terms of having the same life goals. Part of it could be due to the environment I'm in: I'm doing a PhD at a school in the North East region, where people are very focused on work, especially women.

I'm from the Middle East, where women do pursue higher education and many become physicians, get MBAs, etc, but ultimately most of us stay home after getting married or after having kids, since family is our priority. However, I feel that here in the US, that transition is seen as wasting time, or taking up someone else's "spot". My friends mocked me on several occasions when I told them I can't wait to be a mother one day, one of my friends even told me she would stop talking to me if I become a housewife one day because I would be wasting my potential and intelligence in exchange of becoming a man's "maid"

On the other hand, I genuinely do not get most of my joy from my work or studies. Frankly, I used education as a means to both improve myself and gain skills and to build a life in the US. I'm the most joyful when I'm pursuing my hobbies (dancing, baking, being with my friends, etc) and sometimes feel drained in my PhD if I push myself too much to please others.

My friends are mostly pursuing medicine, work in business (very long hours), and are overall very career-focused. They see women like me as women with no ambition, which is why I hid my true desires and just let them think of me as a high-achieving woman.

However, recently I was thinking I need to find new friends that have the same mindset, because I'm worried I'm starting to feel ashamed of my true desires in life. Where would be the best places to find like-minded friends?

i’m 22 turning 23 in may
and i’ve never had a serious relationship before😟 embarassing ik but i’ve always had trouble making friends, let alone boyfriends. having a bf was never really a priority for me
but im getting worried, i don’t know if i am ready to date, im very nervous and scared. but i worry that i need to find a serious relationship before im too old. is it ok to wait until im like 24/25 to date seriously or is that too old?
i need advice :( any advice at all would be really helpful.
there’s this guy i like at my gym but i’ve noticed he bounces from girl to girl so he probably wouldn’t be something long term but should i try to talk to him anyways? i get so nervous talking to guys i find attractive :(
sorry if i rambled but in need of advice please! ❤️❤️

 I checked the search and the most recent topic on this seems to be from 6 years ago, lol.

I’m in the Netherlands and I feel like this dynamic is just so natural for me. I have struggled with resentment and misaligned expectations in my marriage, but practising traditional gender roles, surrender, respect and gratitude are helping me so much (plus I’ve always been a submissive but that seems only acceptable within the bedroom in my country).

I’m not at all conservative in any way, and not particularly religious (my husband even less so) but I still naturally gravitate towards traditional gender roles and femininity.

Most people here seem to come at it from a very American, religious and/or conservative perspective, which made me wonder if there are any other Europeans around here!