r/RedPillWomen

Hey all! I read the wiki and I’m more up to speed with this community. I definitely resonate with this community and the members here. I also appreciate the values of honesty and truth in the group so would appreciate some advice.

This is going to be a long one so I’m sorry for that. There’s this one man who I’m hung up on and need a wake up call with. He’s a friend of a family member. He’s very masculine and organized which I like. He’s family oriented and wants marriage. I’m insanely attracted to him. He has a nice job and is good at his job. He’s intelligent and can be sweet at times. But some stuff came up.

He likes to argue with people. My family member told me that his friend, “always has to be right”. The man in question has rolled his eyes while my friend was talking, laughed at my sister for simply liking a feminine tv show, and has tried to have intense discussions about sensitive topics multiple times with me without me asking for them. Being a RPW, I don’t like arguing with men and just simply told him that he can have his opinions and that I don’t want to argue with him.

He’s a firm atheist and has tried to text me things about atheism and why there is no God. I am religious and told him that already. He has flirted with many of my friends and many of my friends have felt uncomfortable around him/don’t like him. He tends to be negative about things and has acted judgmental towards women.

He unfortunately has an alcohol problem (drinks often and a lot while only being at home) and acts inappropriately while drunk. He has pressured me to drink before. When he was with his ex girlfriend he would roll in my DMs over Instagram trying to flirt with me and asked me to hang out one on one with him even though we had a history of flirting before he got with his ex girlfriend. I remained respectful and did not meet up with him one on one.

One time he said that people are “90% their biology and don’t change” which could indicate that he isn’t into personal growth. And lastly I’ll mention that there have been times where he acted passive aggressive and rude towards me. I won’t get into the exact interactions because this post is already too long. But he will be sweet one moment and rude the next.

With all that being said, I think I’m letting my attraction towards him cloud my judgement. He’s not conventionally attractive but I think it’s his energy. It feels addicting.

What can I do to regulate myself and make good decisions moving forward? I don’t think I should be with him. I would want to change him and that’s a big no as a RPW. This man has too many red flags right? Sometimes I question myself. Everything I typed out was true and not dramatized. Thank you.

I really need advice, I’ve been getting cyberbullied for 2+ years by anonymous accounts as well as on the anonymous app our school has (kind of
like fizz)I know it’s a group of girls at my college, I just don’t know who, they message vile things and spread complete lies about me that completely go against my values because i’m catholic and I lean more traditional… I’m assuming they are feminists and don’t like me because of it, but I’m not sure..

I’m really scared that if I become official with the guy I’m dating who I really like now, they’ll start messaging him these things too… Usually it’s the whole “she’s a liar, she’s a bully, she hookups with tons of guys” thing despite me living off campus and have never gone out.

Should I tell him about the bullies first? I’m not sure how to start the conversation but I’d appreciate any and all help :(

Hello. I'm new here. I'm glad I found this subreddit online since I agree with the idea of it.

Well. I've(25F) have been with my fiancé(26M) for 6 years now. We got engaged 1 year ago, and ever since we've been living in an apartment which he pays the rent of.

My fiancé is a C4 quadriplegic, so he has limited mobility with his arms, and lacks independence for doing many basic things such as going to the bathroom, showeing, going to bed, and other things.

He fortunately works at home as a developer and he earns enough money for a good living. I stopped working since he had his accident which left him quadriplegic, so I could take care of him.

Life is now pretty much somewhat better for him, he's recovered emotionally from his injury. I stay at home with him all the time to make food for him, clean the house, and other chores. Though it feels tiring doing this and having to take care of my fiancé's needs. I love him, so I do these things for him, and I wouldn't really like a caretaker being with him all the time.

I would like to have children in the future, but right now I feel exhausted, specially these years after his injury in which I've had to help him around.

I am getting back into dating and have gotten a ton of good perspective from this community. I would love to hear from women how to go about vetting for excessive porn use. In my last relationship, the man was amazing in a lot of way and I think he did mostly stop watching porn while we were together. However, it was so baked into his sexuality that I felt like it led to sexual incompatibility (could not get off from penetration alone, could not slow down even when guided, really into choking).

Is there a way to screen for this prior to sleeping with them? If so, how would you go about this conversation? I don't consider myself jealous, controlling or prudish, I just find it really takes away from a good sexual connection, which I highly value

ETA: Okay, I am open to hearing from men for whom porn is not a major part of their life, I am not trying to debate porn use in general

Biologically idk what the most natural form of relationships are but I assume it’s the strongest man gets to breed with all of the females.

Why do men settle for and appear unhappy in their relationships so much?

So I used to have a friendgroup with mostly men as I felt they were more straight forward, less backstabbing etc boy was I wrong in the end.

As it turned out and knew them longer, I've been around them for 15+ years slowly their bad behaviour also came out. Most of them at a certain point had girlfriends and now even wifes and kids. But my former friends allways seem so unhappy. That's why I've distanced myself of that friend group a long time ago.

They are mostly nerdy type guys hence I felt they would be 'good'. But they:

\- made avances towards me when they were in a relationship with their gf now wife and mother of their child.

\- critised my travelling and independent life as a female where I only choose to enter relationships with men I truly love

\- they allways seem so unhappy about their work or gf or wife or kids whatever. I honestly feel bad for their partners and no longer could bear being around them as I would split up ASAP if my partner didn't feel I was his number 1 true love.

Honestly in the end it allways just made me sad hanging out with them and had to distance myself.

Why are so many men unhappy with who they picked yet they stay and keep their options open with other women? It feels like their life is basically a really bad story.

So obviously men need to feel respected the way we need to feel cherished, adored etc.

What are your favourite ways to show this? Apart from just not being outright disrespectful of course.

I have been reading The fascinating womanhood book and this questions came to my mind from there.

Basicly everytime I ask him something that's not fact based, he doesn't have an answer... He usually just says: "I don't know, I haven't thought about that". I have told him that I am not expecting him to have an immediate answer ready. I just like to hear how he thinks.

This happens very often about his dreams, future plans or opinions. Sometimes he gives one word answers like: "family", but that's it. I have a hard time figuring out any followup questions, because I often kind of shut down for some reason, because I feel like I'm pressuring him or he just doesn't want to talk..

Is there a practical way to make this simpler? I have sometimes asked things The way that I give him options. For example: "would you rather live in a city or in a rular Area?". Those he usually can answer, but I don't get any reason why. I think this causes our conversations to be a little dull and I always lead them...

I came across a discussion asking what's the male equivalent of women receiving flowers is. The top answer by a man was "a blowjob," and many men agreed with it. Only one man who disagreed was heavily downvoted and was called a "simp" and "feminist."

Do you think this reflects what most men actually feel or is it more representative of the kind of people who participate in those online discussions? I'd especially appreciate hearing from people in long term relationships about what they think the closest equivalent is.

My mom is in her early fifties. She’s been married to my dad twice and has dated men that aren't abusive but it was probably a toxic relationship. I kind of started dating and I’m about 20. Her advice has gotten more and more extreme by the years. She advises me to find men that will buy me things and do things for me and when they no longer do that for me, I should just get rid of them. She loves the sprinkle sprinkle lady and constantly sends us (my sister) dating videos.I truly desire to be married (just once) and have a family. I don’t want random guys to buy things and do things for me because they would obviously expect something in return. This ideology doesn’t sit right with me and makes me very uncomfortable. I guess I’m not really looking for advise, more like venting.

I love my boyfriend but I prioritize myself and my interests first. He makes little comments sometimes, but ultimately respects that I'm honest and have my own life. I had exes in the past that would villainize me for being like this. Insecurity I suppose.

Anyone relate?

I wasn’t dating for love. I was dating to feel something and to find answers I didn’t even understand. That’s the truth. And that’s exactly why I stayed in a toxic cycle for six years. I kept going back to people who hurt me, used me, and drained me because I thought if I stayed long enough, it would finally make sense. It never did. At 19, I confused care with love. What I felt wasn’t love it was attachment, confusion, and temporary excitement. We were like best friends playing something deeper that we didn’t understand. And instead of admitting that, we stayed. Because we thought we were supposed to. Because no one teaches you how to leave only how to hold on. And that’s the problem. Love is not something magical that just exists. It’s built. It’s shown. It’s effort, consistency, communication, and emotional presence. And if someone tells you “that’s just how I am” as an excuse for not showing up properly, believe them. That’s not personality that’s lack of effort. And if you accept that, your standards are low. Not “a little low.” Low. Women have been conditioned to tolerate this. To be understanding, patient, forgiving no matter what it costs them. We explain red flags. We minimize disrespect. We stay and call it love. It’s not love. It’s self-betrayal. I’m done with that. And honestly, more women need to be done with it too. I want more women to be single. I want more women to stop centering their lives around men who can’t even meet basic emotional standards. Because the moment you stop doing that, everything changes. Your focus changes. Your confidence changes. Your life opens up. More single women means more women building real power careers, leadership, independence. And that threatens a system that benefits from women settling. And let’s be honest about something most people avoid: if you constantly feel like you need a boyfriend, you’re not craving love you’re craving attention. And you’re looking for it in people who will never give it to you in a way that actually fulfills you. Give it to yourself. And women need to stop competing with each other. The passive aggression, the jealousy, the silent judgment it’s weak. If you see a woman who is independent, happy, and at peace on her own, and your reaction is to tear her down, that says more about you than it does about her. Be inspired or stay stuck. Those are the options. I didn’t grow up seeing love. I saw survival. I saw cycles that never ended. I saw what happens when you stay too long with the wrong person. And I refuse to repeat that. Walking away cost me comfort and discomfort but staying would have cost me myself and almost everything of me. And here’s the truth people avoid because it’s uncomfortable: we stay because we’re scared to admit we were wrong. We stay because we’re scared to let go. We lie to ourselves and say we need someone to survive. We don’t. You only need you. And the sooner you accept that, the harder it becomes for anyone to manipulate you, control you, or make you settle. If that means more women stay single, good. If that means things change, even better. Because women living with self-respect, standards, and independence is not a problem it’s a shift that’s been needed for a long time. This is not about hating men. This is about rejecting anything that requires you to shrink, tolerate disrespect, or lose yourself just to say you’re loved. If it costs your peace, your standards, or your identity it’s not love. And it never was.

I don't know if I shared this in the right sub, but I need advice. I'm a 24 year old woman and It took me a long time to accept this truth, but I had to: I'm a very ugly woman. Throughout my life, I tried to deceive myself: don't take it personally, you're exaggerating, it's nothing to do with you, etc.

But being a 24-year-old woman who has never been in a relationship, being rejected at first sight by the men I've tried to approach, I had to accept the painful truth to face all of this. And honestly, I don't blame people; it's perfectly natural for them to ignore or dislike an unattractive woman, it's a biological fact.

But I feel so lonely and excluded. Even though I'm old enough to get married and start my own family, my appearance is preventing me from doing so, my looks are hindering my dreams, my hope for the future is diminishing, and I don't know what to do about it. How can I restart my life and don't let my looks lead my mindset?

Hiiii guys, I am 22F and after a breakup that in hindsight must be God saving me , I feel like I need to decenter love.
I see on instagram, tiktok etc everyone is so full of romantic/ dating tips, or shallow flirting advice or extreme things like women referred to as gold diggers and all men being awful. Personally, I want that old school, innocent romance and I’m waiting for marriage and it hurts to see people making it so casual. My ex was also awful, didn’t respect some of my boundaries and had some serious insecurities etc.

So now, I’m wondering how did you decenter men , love, and romance ? Most friends I make will also have a boyfriend to go on trips with etc. It gets so lonely and then I’m constantly seeing social media posts about relationships. Should I just delete my social media ? How else can I stop caring about romantic love ?

so i've (f26) been talking and getting to know a guy (m36) for like 6 months now and i am having doubts if i actually love him or not. he's really nice, attentive, watches the films i recommend, good at making conversation, we share the same political views, i cant complain about anything he does cos hes actually a good guy but for some reason i just dont think i find him physically attractive, never got butterflies or even a spark. we met face to face 4 times, hung out together, walked together and went to cafes. for some reason I was convinced this guy was the one and i was just being picky about looks and telling myself "its ok you'll find him attractive afterwards and as long as he's a good guy" until a few days now i've been having doubts, and i only noticed now when i told my cousins about him and they noticed how uninterested i sounded when i talked about him (unlike when i talked about other guys before) i almost feel like i'm ashamed of him kinda? like sometimes i've even thought about purposely giving him the ick so he stops liking me, it sounds horrible but i'm normally not like this, i usually reject guys after 3/4 weeks of getting to know them if there's no compatibility so i'm definitely not scared of rejecting a guy but i think its cos we share so many things in common i wanted us to happen? basically my question/summary is, i've known this guy for 6 months, met multiple times and i'm still having doubts about finding him attractive, what do you think i should do? keep in mind, i've liked guys who would be considered "uglier" but i personally found them attractive so its definitely not about other people finding him attractive or not

When women say I dress or look this way for myself. They do it for themselves so when the right man comes around they’re attractive. Or just in general looking good feels good, and they’re not doing it for others.

Hey everyone,

First post on this sub (and first Reddit post in a while), so go easy on me. I’ve been watching the endless back-and-forth where any guy who asks about body count or openly prefers a virgin/low-count woman gets slapped with the “you’re just jealous/insecure” label. It’s the laziest cope I keep seeing so I wanted to share what I actually think based on what I’ve lived through and observed growing up. No studies, no charts, just real life.

The real point isn’t some crazy obsession with “virginity" or something like that. It’s that most men looking for something serious want a woman with little to no significant romantic/sexual past. Why? Because the dynamic is pretty straightforward:

Women tend to chase status. Men tend to chase exclusivity.

In any group of guys, women usually zero in on the one with the highest status (sometimes mistaking fear for respect when the “bad boy” energy shows up which is not the point of debate now). Flip the script: in a group of women, the one who comes across as most modest, selective, and drama-free is usually the one quality guys notice first. Yeah, exceptions exist on both sides also there are always people who swear they’re the exception. But in the general pattern I’ve seen across different social circles, this holds up way more often than not.

I’m 23 so some might say I’m too young to talk about this with any weight and I am immature or naive. But in my opinion age doesn’t make anyone mature on its own. What actually matters are the experiences you go through. I grew up in a middle class conservative family with plenty of family chaos and trauma. I moved out early and started grinding on my own. Over time my situation improved a lot compared to almost everyone around me, better house, better bank balance more independence(ya ya I am bragging a bit but bear with me).

This isn’t me being young, naive, or stuck in some “alpha/sigma” fantasy. Back when I was just the average quiet guy dealing with all that baggage, female attention was basically nonexistent. Once my status and circumstances improved, suddenly the options showed up.

I’ve seen both worlds now. I still have friends from when things were tougher and I’m not judging them at all. They’re good people and we’re still close. I’m just being raw about what I noticed in those circles and what I see now with the people I’m around who are in a much more elevated place. My own standards never shifted through any of it. At 16 I wanted a girl with no boyfriend, no male orbiters, and zero experience. At 23 I still want the exact same thing.

The “insecure” accusation is just the default deflection when someone’s preferences don’t match the “everyone should be fine with high body counts” script. Preferences are preferences. Women can (and do) filter hard for height, looks, money, ambition, or whatever else without getting called insecure. A man wanting low body count is no different, it’s one filter among many. I’m not out here saying men should be able to sleep around while women can’t. That’s not my thing. I’m saying people are allowed to have standards for what they want in a serious relationship without being shamed for it.

Here’s the part that always stands out: the loudest outrage almost always comes from women with higher body counts themselves or from guys whose girlfriends/wives have them. The genuinely attractive, low-or-no-past women and the actually high-value men I have ever met in my life rarely waste energy getting mad about other people’s preferences. They just live by their own standards and move on. Funny how that works.

At the end of the day, if your past doesn’t bother you, live your life, I am not judging. But don’t turn around and call guys insecure or jealous for having their own filters. Everyone has deal-breakers. Pretending body count can’t be one of them while every other preference is fair game is just cope dressed up as enlightenment.

Respectful replies welcome. Hit me with your best counter and I’ll respond to all of them. Let’s keep it civil and actually discuss instead of just name-calling.

Also after reading it all I made this more of a what women wants vs what men want discussion lol

But I had to in order to get my point through

I know this is a really stupid question. But please answer anyways lol. I'm a 25 YO female and ex-feminist/witch and single mother. I genuinely never imagined that I would end up on this side of the fence in this lifetime, but I had a genuine experience that lead me to Christ, and naturally, as I follow the church and his teachings, I inevitably dismantled a lot of my radical leftists views over the years. This is a sincere conversion, not brought on by my journey as a single mother at all - because I have the means to take care of myself and my son and an AMAZING support system with my parents that allows me to work, travel, buy him toys, clothes, etc and take him on vacation. I work in education, but do aesthetics on the side. I'm about to start nursing school this year (only 1 year to complete schooling) and I can start doing injectables/Botox for a derm clinic and make even more money than I have no and only show up 3 days a week.

Anyways, a few months ago a man asked me out - he seemed to be genuine about his goals of becoming an electrician and telling me that he wanted me to be a stay at home wife around our third date and I was absolutely sold on this man. Over time, he showed himself to be a clown. He's on probation, smokes weed, has some questionable sexual fantasies that make me believe he might be a little bit homo or bisexual - and he is not proactive at all in his mission of becoming an electrician. He's actually worse than the leftist men I experienced in the past, because he's "red pilled" yet he can't follow any of his conservative beliefs consistently.

I thought I was safe. He asked me out around the time that I had lost 20 pounds, toned my hair from an "unnatural" color to honey blonde/light brown - you know, I really really started putting effort into my looks, so here I'm thinking that I'm finally getting to attract a serious, provider man.

Anyways, just like many single mothers or women that come to this sub, I was raised to be independent as possible, masculine as possible, etc. My mother is upset about my choice to go to nursing school to be able to work 3 days a week to spend the rest of my time with my son instead of focusing on building up my aesthetics business. My dad was a leftist man who hated hated hated women (he also abandoned his sons in a previous marriage) which lead him to dump a lot of masculine ideals onto me - he wanted me to be a corporate girly or engineer and I EXCEEDINGLY failed at everything he imagined I would be. For the longest time, his expectations turned me into a performative person - and super competative as well. I can't be those things because of my spiritual journey, and I have a feeling it is unconsciously attracting dead beats and lazy men in my life who grossly overestimate my "strength"

My priest tells me to find someone who provides. Whenever I come to him about ANY problems in my life, especially pertaining to motherhood, he tells me "it will get better once you find your husband" I can't tell you how many times I almost left the church because he would bring that up. I was still in my feminist mindset of "a man would be a burden on top of the ones I already have" - and I was also triggered by this statement because in all honesty, I've NEVER been cherished like that before. Even my dad told me no one would ever want me. Even my dad would beat me, so how am I to expect a man to value me?

I don't truly ever plan on giving up working, but it still feels "off" knowing I can't seem to attract the kind of man that would take care of me if I wanted that instead. I just want someone who looks at me and falls in love with me for my SOFTNESS - not my strength. I wouldn't even say I'm particularly "strong" in my character - and I don't know why people at CHURCH have this impression of me because I'm CONSTANTLY talking about my neuroticism and anxiety, which to me, shows that I'm not stable - yet people still see my strength and for some reason want to build with me or whatever.

I do believe I have a good work ethic, values, I take my health seriously, I love love love being a mom and want more kids in the future.

It could just be the people I talk to? What I talk about? Who I give the most energy to? I also do unfortunately value attraction and chemistry. I also don't really want to Mary someone too much older than me. I also don't really care if he makes 40k a year or even 300k, I just want someone who WANTS to take care of me. i don't believe that's asking for too much. - there's this bigger/heavier set woman at my church married a smoke show (not necessarily Ryan gossling level, he was just someone who's my type on paper) he had a "metal head" look to him And she was a single mom to 3 kids by 2 different baby daddies. He works as an EMT, and he's new so he's not making LOTS of money, but it's just the fact that she found a man that was willing to take care of her like that that makes me wonder.

Anyways yeah help me. Tips, tricks, countenance counseling, etc.?

Ladies! The guy I’m talking to claims every women is a gold digger. That when women get money they hoard him to themselves he said while men get it they share resources. That women aren’t leaders just followers and will never has respect the way men do it’s just how it is he said. Also never listened to a woman’s opinion. Also that most women are retarded and 99% of them are whores and that men don’t care if a woman is smart 🙃 also has a book called why women deserve less? Not sure if anyone is aware of this book? I’m very traditional and Christian but what is this