r/RedPillWomen

I asked this in another sub and they got very heated. I’m hoping this one is better. They got really mad at me for using the term “feminine energy”

Have you ever changed your mannerisms?

Maybe this is a strange question but I always feel…. Frumpy and clunky. I don’t know how to explain it. As I try to lean more into my feminine energy and relax more, I notice my mannerisms don’t match (maybe?)

I don’t know. I wish I were slower, more elegant, poised, etc.

Has anyone ever had something like this that they changed?

Hi all! I am dating and wanting to learn more about the boundaries around texting. I've been in situations in the past where it's kind of turned pen-pallly and at my age (31) that reaaaallly disturbs me... What are some ways to protect a good relationship from going down that path? And if it's in that pen pally stage, is there a way to correct it?

Thank you!

Hi guys college girl here i’m sorry i just really need help. yes i posted this is a few other subreddits so please don’t crucify me if you’ve seen this already

To summarize, I found gay porn on my boyfriend’s phone. We had a conversation about it and he cried about it and talked about how he’s talked to men online sexually more times than he can count, but that some of them look like women and so it’s really not gay, and he blocks them when he’s done with them anyways so it doesn’t matter because they “aren’t real”. He also said it’s not a big deal because it’s not like he’d date a guy or anything. But that he “used” to be gay and although he’s still struggling, God is doing the work and I was sent by God to help him out with being straight. He also claimed he hasn’t talked to anyone sexually since we got together. (We’ve been together 4 months have not had sex yet)

However, There is also a really close friend he has (we will call him John) who he had a massive fallout with right before him and I started dating. Like the week he started to pursue me, him and his friend fell out. He refuses to talk about it, but he has a message asking that friend “are you into me” and when the friend said no he followed it up with “just joking haha”. But he was so emotionally attatched to this friend and still affected but him.

It’s like this friends emotions determined my boyfriends emotions. even after the fallout, whenever they are in the same place my boyfriend stares in his direction constantly. When they were friends, I noticed every hug that he had with the friend, his hands would linger on or above the friends waist for a few seconds after the hug. He even wrote him a big apology letter (that i didn’t read) to try to become friends with him again. Maybe this is jealousy but this has made me feel like im not enough for my boyfriend.

This friend of his came to me before me and my boyfriend started dating (because we were all friends) and confided in me about how one night he had a pretty bad panic attack, and my boyfriend did a lot of back rubbing, arm tracing and hugging, and even attempted to cuddle him that night. John felt uncomfortable about it and didn’t know what to do. I told him i was pretty sure he was just trying to find ways to comfort him. With this new information though, I see it differently. He has expressed missing John, and even reached out to John, and he is acting hot and cold towards John.

It’s odd because apparently my boyfriend asked John for space and blamed it on his panic attack, and now he’s tryin to be in John’s life again. One day he is wanting to hangout and sending him reels and the other he is completely ignoring John. It’s like 5th grade stuff. I’m not sure what’s going on there. HOPING it’s just close friends with blurred boundaries. I asked him about John and the answers are dancing around and not direct. His reasoning for acting wishy washy with john is that john is “too overwhelming to be around”. And that he asked John if he was into him because “John has trouble saying things some times and he was sad about something so i was just throwing guess out there, i didn’t mean it”
I’m really not sure what I should do. And my mind is mush.

Also, I do realize he could be bisexual or any other label, but he certainly isn’t as into me as originally thought

Hiiiii.

My bf and I have been in a relationship for years now and I am comfortable with the dynamic albeit always shy when we start.

My issue that I want advice on is my temper. How do other women deal with their anger in submission? I find that during arguments/disagreements:

I will "back talk" - I disklike this wording, raise my voice, leave the room when too angry/overstimulated, sometimes slam doors...I recently threw a towel on the floor.

I know that I am allowed to have emotions lol but I want to be able to reign it in a little bit to help my our communication when we do not agree or I get too annoying/frustrating/too much - talking too fast/clumsy/bumping, getting lost with verbal directions/ not following directions because I misheard them or didn't clarify etc.

I do have adhd but I am on meds, do cardio daily, drink lots of water and eat pretty well (my sleep could be better -I get around 6-7 hours a day and I have a sweet tooth - probably eating a donut/cookie a few times a week)

I only have a basic understanding of “red pill” ideas, but my boyfriend considers himself very knowledgeable about them. We’ve been together for 4 years, and when we first met he was extremely fit and confident. Since then, he’s gained weight and become a bit chubby, while I’ve actually gotten fitter and feel more attractive than when we first met.

I think this change may have affected his confidence and the way he reacts emotionally.

To our present argument, yesterday he agreed to come to a gym class with me, so I signed us both up. Later, he got really upset and said he never agreed to go that day specifically. I told him, “Oops, no problem — I’ll just go on my own. My bad,” since I had already booked it. But instead of letting it go, he became even angrier and yelled at me and said I don't use my brain or think things through. He’s now been giving me the silent treatment for two days over it.

Another issue in our relationship is our sex life. I have a pretty high sex drive, and during the first two years of our relationship we would have sex multiple times a day. Now it’s more like three times a month. I also know he watches porn regularly, which I don’t think was happening earlier in the relationship.

So I guess my question is: are my expectations unrealistic? Am I doing something wrong? And is there a healthy way to rebuild the attraction, confidence, and connection we used to have?

My partner and I fight a lot. We are compatible overall, but our conflict styles are so different. He is very logical, and I am emotional. I’ve been working on trying to be more logical but as you know, it’s hard. I don’t feel emotionally safe to share my feelings with him unless they are positive feelings. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he treats me, nor does get curious and ask about how I feel etc. Other than this, he is everything I want in a partner and I just wish we could figure how to have conflict in a healthy way. I try to move toward connection when we argue and he is with his foot out the door.

I’ve been asking him to do couples therapy for a while now and he’s finally agreed to do it. I’m just hoping it helps.

Just looking for any positive experiences with that. Thank you!

Edit: we have been together for about a year and a half now.

I've seen a recent surge online of the "single and happy crowd" - the women who swear up and down that the secret to a happy life is to be single. The 4B movement. They claim their life is extremely peaceful without a male partner, they are thriving, and essentially point to is as the secret to a peaceful life.

I lived alone for 20 years. I was in relationships with men, but I refused to move in until marriage. And I didn't feel happy or peaceful living alone. I always yearned to have people around. I did a good job being alone, it wasn't like I was sad and devastated every day or anything. I loved my place and functioned fine but it wasn't this blissful peaceful secret to life I see these women talking about.

So I wanted to hear the community's thoughts - what is going on with these women? Are they just not like me, perhaps more independent? Is it just a cope? Will it persist throughout their lives into old age? What is going on with this crowd?

What do you think about it? I feel like it's a new kind of tradwife content becoming popular online.

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this question, but I'm looking for advice on how to want to submit to my husband more. We are both Christians and believe that a husband is supposed to be the head over the house. I actually believe that women are supposed to submit to basically everything, but he doesn't believe they are supposed to submit to as much as I do. Yet despite that belief I find it difficult actually submitting to him during times of stress or if I don't agree with what he's wanting me to do. Usually its not anything serious, like parenting differences, he wants to move apartments but I don't, things like that. He doesn't try to force me to do anything and isn't some sort of tyrant. Yet I have difficulty actually wanting to go along with things that I don't agree with. I assume it's because of growing up around a lot of feminism culture that it's hardwired into my brain to not want to do these things, but I don't understand how to un-hardwire my brain 😆 Any advice would be appreciated 🙏

I made a post a while ago about my boyfriend and clothing boundaries in our relationship, but the post got deleted and so did the account I posted it from. Ever since then I’ve been spiraling really badly because of the reactions I got, and I feel like people completely misunderstood the situation and immediately jumped to “he’s controlling,” “he would leave you over a skirt,” “you’re manipulated,” etc. without actually understanding the context or the relationship dynamic.

I’m 21, my boyfriend is 22, and we’ve been together almost 4 years. Throughout our entire relationship I’ve worn short skirts, crop tops, tight dresses, revealing clothes, low necklines, etc. and he has genuinely never had an issue with that in general. He compliments me constantly, hypes me up, likes when I look feminine and attractive, and has never tried to isolate me or control my life. I go out when I want, stay out late, wear what I want most of the time, have my own friends, and he has never been the type to police me.

The only recurring topic over the years was a VERY specific style of skirt. Those very short pleated “anime/high school” style skirts that are usually styled in a very provocative way online. And even then, the problem was never “short = bad,” because I’ve worn things equally short or even shorter before. The difference was that if I wore something extremely short, I usually had shorts underneath, and he never complained about that at all. His issue was specifically with that aesthetic and the kind of attention he associated it with.

And honestly, I partially understood what he meant because I’ve also seen girls style those skirts in ways that are intentionally very sexualized. I even said myself at one point that if I wore those skirts, I’d probably want them to look provocative and attention-grabbing. So this wasn’t some situation where I loved this innocent piece of clothing and he randomly banned it.

The thing is, I didn’t even own those skirts for most of the relationship. I thought they were cute sometimes, but I had nowhere to wear them, nothing to style them with, and I wasn’t obsessed with them. What actually happened is that I started bringing them up constantly because I knew they bothered him a little. I would send him pictures of them, tease him about them, ask “what if I buy this,” “would you let me wear this,” etc. Those conversations honestly often became playful or flirty because I would jokingly provoke him with “oh, what, you’re gonna forbid me?” and he would respond dramatically back.

Yes, there were moments where he said things like “you’re not wearing that” or “don’t buy that,” and I completely understand why people reacted badly to that wording. It annoyed me too sometimes. But every serious conversation around it ended with him explaining that he didn’t mean “I own your body and decide what you wear,” but more “I personally wouldn’t want to date someone who intentionally dresses extremely provocatively all the time.” And honestly, I know the difference because if I truly wanted to wear something, I would wear it. Nobody can physically stop me, not even my parents.

I have controlled and insecure tendencies too. At one point I was extremely insecure about social media and literally asked him not to like other women’s pictures, even completely normal pictures. He respected that because he cared about my feelings, even though objectively he didn’t have to. We’ve always adapted to each other in different ways throughout the relationship. That’s why this never felt like some one-sided controlling dynamic to me.

The whole topic got deeper when there was a situation where I was going to an event without him where one of his friends, who used to have feelings for me, was going to be there too. I planned to wear a very short skirt with lace stockings and he admitted that it made him uncomfortable. Not because he thought I was doing something wrong, but because he knew exactly how attractive I would look and he knew how some guys already viewed me. During that conversation he openly admitted that insecurity played a role in how he felt about some clothes. We ended up talking a lot about sexualization, boundaries, clothing, attention, and what both of us personally consider “too much.”

And yes, we both still think there’s a line where clothing becomes overly vulgar. For example, I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable walking around basically naked or wearing a completely sheer outfit with only lingerie underneath to certain places. That’s MY opinion too, not just his. He also told me the only situation where he would ever genuinely ask me to change would be if something was extremely inappropriate for the occasion or if I was literally exposed, like my underwear or body showing unintentionally. Otherwise, no. And honestly, I’ve had outfits in the past that were probably more provocative than I’d wear now, and even then he mostly hyped me up and thought I pulled them off well.

What messed me up mentally was the internet reaction. People kept telling me that the fact I was “defending him” was proof that he was manipulative and controlling, and because I already struggle with obsessive overthinking and relationship anxiety, I completely spiraled. I started questioning every interaction we’ve ever had and whether I secretly normalized something toxic without realizing it.

But at the same time, in the actual relationship itself, I never felt trapped. I never felt like I was losing myself. I never felt scared of him. I never felt like I had no choice. His opinion mattered to me because he’s the first person whose opinion I genuinely care about when it comes to how I look, the same way mine matters to him.

The ironic part is that after all those conversations, he eventually admitted that some of his feelings about those skirts came from insecurity and completely changed his stance on them. I even bought one eventually, he literally paid for it, and I barely wore it because I realized I was more emotionally attached to the argument and symbolism around the skirt than the actual skirt itself.

So now I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting because of anxiety and internet comments, or if people are seeing something unhealthy that I’m somehow missing, I have rOCD and most of this is just spiralling, and most of me "defending" him is based on that?

I am not saying that I deserve to be desirable, it's just a basic human feeling to want that. I mean all of us want to, right?

I am asking feminists because I don't want to hear from a red pill, because I believe you are morally superior.

I am here for genuine advice, please toggle down the hostility. Thanks in advance.

i'm 23 and going to be 24 soon without any relationship or even prospects of one and i'm seeing different statistics and so many people observe men want women in their early 20s.

it's seriously bad, it's making me so anxious and i can't think about dating without feeling like i can't even breathe

what do i do?

i've never even been in a relationship, i'm a virgin as well. no prospects at all

I've never really wanted a big wedding, but for my fiancé, and especially his family, it is very much expected. I have a small family and very few friends, so my guests would probably total....15? My fiancé has a huge family and he wants like 5 best men, and that's AFTER narrowing it down (i have probably 2 people who'd even agree to be my MOHs).

has anyone gone through this? i feel like it will be so shameful for me; his entire network, coworkers, etc will see how tiny my life is. my only thought is that maybe i can somehow get into a ton of hobbies in the year before the wedding and make friends to invite that way? we *just* got engaged.

I’ve always wondered about this in relation to RP ideas about attraction and modesty.

A lot of RP discussions say men are very visually driven and strongly influenced by visible beauty/fertility cues like hair, body shape, waist-to-hip ratio, etc. But RP also often emphasizes modesty and says men prefer women who cover themselves properly for long-term relationships.

So in cultures where women cover their hair and wear loose/modest clothing that doesn’t show much of their figure or beauty to any man how does attraction and partner selection mainly work there? I’ve always been curious how those ideas fit together.

So I’m 22M and she’s 22F. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for about a year now, and honestly everything has been going really well. We have a great understanding between each other, communicate well, and we genuinely hope to marry each other one day.

Lately though, for the past few weeks, I’ve noticed her acting a little different. I trust her completely, and I really mean that. I might just be overthinking, which is why I wanted some outside opinions instead of jumping to conclusions.

One thing I’ve noticed is that her clothing style has become more revealing than before. Before anyone misunderstands me, I completely respect that it’s her body and her choice, and I would never want to control what she wears or put restrictions on her. I also don’t think girls should be judged based on how they dress.

I think what’s confusing me is more about how I’m feeling internally. Part of me wonders if I should even be concerned at all, or if this is just insecurity and overthinking on my side. My only thought was that sometimes people can get the wrong impression, but at the same time I know that’s not her responsibility.

I want to talk to her about how I’m feeling, but I’m scared it might come across the wrong way or make her feel judged, which is the last thing I want. I care about her a lot and respect her completely.

So I just wanted some honest advice from people who may have been in similar situations. Am I overthinking this? Is this something normal in relationships, especially LDRs? And if I do bring it up, how can I do it in a respectful and mature way without sounding controlling?

Please don’t hate on me for asking. I’m genuinely trying to understand my feelings better, not offend anyone.

FYI :- Used AI to rephrase it.

I'm currently in a committed relationship, but since I've put more attention into my appearance, demeanor, and tone I've been getting a little more male attention. The issue is that it is from people who I interact with regularly (classmates in the same major/co-workers). In the past I would politely decline invitations until they stopped asking, but it lead to tension and awkwardness between us which made working with them difficult. Is it possible to softly reject someone without giving up your friendship?

It's all the same everywhere, christian dating site or not..men just looking for hotness and youth, really old man that feel entitlement to 18-20 year olds no matter what. Flaky people who seem to be into you on the site but refuse to talk on the phone, scammers everywhere,ect,ectIt doesn't matter if they are christian, they don't care about our spiritual nature or compatibility, they still act like animals in heat , where can a christian woman meet a good christian men?churches are dead right now and everyone is married in there..I'm tired,where did you meet your husband?

edit: I haven’t had fun in awhile. I think I need to travel.

Sorry in advanced for a somewhat depressing post. I am 28F and was looking at younger pics of myself, even from a few years ago but mostly college and early 20s. I look pretty much the same and at times I believe better, but I feel like my eyes look more sad and serious. In the past year and a half I lost two people close to me and moved cross country, and my relationship had been stressing me out but improving. I recently got back into meditation (only a few days ago) which helps a lot with controlling and letting go of negative thoughts, but I feel like my eyes lost their sparkle.

Tbh, i’m very upset with how my life ended up even though i’m healthy and have a stable job. I try to convince myself i’m fine. But I was raised by a career women tiger mom and was taught l fiercely focused on academics and never taught about relationships - which is now what matters to me most of all. I’m focusing on the now but is there anything else I can do? Trying to avoid anti depressants here. Just wondering if any of you who discovered RP late or have had bouts of depression ever got your old optimistic self back.

TLDR: I'm really busy and tired and bf thinks I've checked out emotionally

I (25F) have been in a relationship for 16 months with my boyfriend (25M). Everything, I thought, was working out very well.

We live in NYC about 2 blocks from each other, so we spend a lot of time together to the point where we effectively live together. We see each other almost every day.

We are both Indian-Americans with immigrant parents, but mine are far more conservative than his. Dating for an extended period of time without marriage is not something I'm happy with, nor is it something my family wants. I've made some compromises to meet this imbalance, including introducing my parents to him as a boyfriend and being open to living together for a few months before a proposal.

Recently, his family invited me to travel with them for an extended family member's wedding.I think that this is a very serious step, coming from a family where most marriages are arranged and quickly proceed.

When deciding whether or not I was ready to do this, I asked him to revisit our future relationship timeline. I would like to be engaged within 2 years of dating, and move in together in September slightly before that. He had always loosely agreed to this, even though it was faster than he had expected, since he felt so good about things.

As I brought this up, he became extremely emotional and sad and said that he hasn't been happy for 2-3 months and considered breaking up. This was a blindside to me. He showed absolutely no discontent, and he is usually very forward with his emotions and never keeps them in. When I dug deeper into this, he said that the main thing missing between us was companionship, which he says was great for the first year but dropped off sometime 2-3 months ago.

I tried my best not to invalidate his feelings, but I genuinely didn't understand what he meant. Everything has felt the same to me for the last few months. He claims I'm not making any attempt at conversation with him and that he has spent way more time talking to his friends because I "don't seem to care about him at all". He emphasized conversation and companionship are really important to him and that I wasn't feeling like his best friend anymore.

Thinking about what could have changed in the past few months, my mind points to my job as a reason why I might not have been so present towards him. He has a very intense, mentally demanding finance job but seems to be able to disconnect from work at 6PM every day. I recently received way more responsibility in my tech job than I had ever had before. Maybe I am just too busy? Between working out 7x a week, this job, the social schedule of a mid 20s woman, and my father having cancerous polyps removed, I have been exhausted every day. By the time I see him in the evening I've already done so much and expended so much mental energy.

I expressed to him how much I have going on in my life, and he was understanding. However, I don't want to be like this forever. Life will only get busier and more demanding as we get older. I am anxious and manage my stress poorly.

Something else to mention is that we have had a significant drop-off in our sex life. He was having some sleep issues and couldn't maintain an erection, but those issues are solved now yet we haven't had more sex. I know he has a high libido and probably needs more than I do and I want to make sure his needs are getting met.

This whole situation particularly stings because I grew up with a mother in a high powered career who didn't pay a lot of attention to me. I don't want to become the disconnected, high powered mom who doesn't give anyone attention and only cares about work.

How do I become more present? How do I interpret his feelings?

I went on a second date with a man that I met on app. He is not quite my physical type but he has a great personality and is very successful. We have great banter. He asked me out to dinner and chose the restaurant.

The bill came and he didn’t grab it. Perhaps this is because he is European (British) and the bill / restaurant culture is a bit different there. It was obvious our server wanted us to leave. He finally glances and the bill and is taking time to look at it so I go “do you want to split?” He said no.
Moments later the waiter comes to us and hands him the machine to pay and he says out loud “oh I think they split it already.” He pays and then the server waits for me to pull out my card and pay. I was so taken aback. This man is in private equity with very impressive credentials and the financial difference between us is vast. I am so turned off that he did not say something to the waiter or just double tapped. My half of the bill was very expensive.
I felt my heart sank in that moment and all my excitement disappeared. I’m not entirely sure if this was a social brain fart on his end and I should give him more grace ?

A man splitting the bill or not being generous is the kiss of death to me. We haven’t spoken since (been 2 days) and he is traveling for work so maybe I’ll never hear or see him again but it was honestly so disappointing.