Coaching?
My husband (62) and I (45) are so disconnected. I know I'm driving him crazy with my neediness. And I have been awful. Plus alcohol, drugs, financial and actual infidelity. Now I just need him to be there for me so I can get better - thats all I keep saying to him. He hates me on the inside- ofc. And i cant get past that. Im spinning in circles, and the only place its getting me is closer and closer to dovorce court. He hasn't been a saint, but hes still here. He can be cruel and harsh, but hes been put thru a lot. But hes always been that way. How can I get free coaching with the empowered wife? I need someone to hold me accountable or call when I need to vent. I cant keep going to him. I live in fear of losing him. We have children and it is so detrimental to them. Why cant I stop crying and being so selfish? Ive asked him to help me for years. Instead, in his words, he sits back and watches the show. Weve been together over 22 years. I just dont understand why im not worth helping and saving. He loves God but wont pray with me. We just had a really great week, and then we went to his boss's wedding and I ruined it for my husband. We left early, everyone was looking at us, i was crying. Im immature and insecure and Idk how to be good when im put down or yelled at to stop crying. I feel like a child and he just tears me apart. I know my worth, sometimes. I just want my family happy