u/carlinsgh0st

Mods! I rewrote my post and I hope this one is following the rules. I think it’s for women and their relationships. I think I’m having an identity crisis so I need help with my relationship myself plus others.

Okay! I found a reason why I feel so intrigued to post here,
I
Two years ago, I came out about a rape that happened to me seven years ago. It has been quite a horrific 2 year. I have had to undergo multiple surgeries Keagle‘s therapy and on top of that I was trying to make it work with the guy I came out about all of this and what makes that even worse is that he was trying to make it work with me even though hes very sexual and it is so strong that he’s pissed off that we can’t even have sex because of what’s going wrong with me. well, I’ve been home the past couple of weeks and I plan here for the time being as I don’t think this guy is in my life anymore, regardless, I’m having to sit and think a lot about everything because I don’t have him as a distraction… And the words that he would tell me finally sunk in I was a total whore like I slept with this entire friend group and did not value myself. I guess that you could call that daddy issues which is super embarrassing because my cousin who has the most cookie cutter lifestyle and growing up is also my neighbor and her husband is one of the guys from the friend group that thinks I’m such a whore so not only did I lose the guy that I was supposed to be with because my vagina is not working and my mood affects my nervous system and my mental health now I’m just at home thinking about how much of a whore I am in this small town where everybody knows everybody.
So the question is will I have to lie about my past forever like I know there’s gonna have to be a lot of parts. I don’t mention, but it just feels like the whole thing was bad. I don’t know if anything good to talk about. I just stayed home most of it and partied and slept with people like I don’t know of any other thing that I had on my mind during that time any ambitions or desires nothing I did drugs and not normal things that people that age are supposed to be into. I hung out with older men like 30 years my age like fucking gross and now I’m here having to accept all of this something I should have done a long time ago.

Anyway, I’m scared about if I could ever be loved by anybody again because the guy who is in a committed serious relationship wants to know about your past right and I was such a whore my 20s and now I’m 30 and I’m like my vagina doesn’t work like I feel like a washed up hoe no one would ever want to marry someone like me. Like I don’t fit the qualifications for a wife, I’m not wife material.

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE!

Dormant and has been for years, I’m in the process of gentle stretches to wake up everything down there and I have this guy and he wakes up everything down there, so much so that it freaks me out. It doesn’t hurt but I haven’t felt my own body in so long that it feels weird and ultimately gives me depression but also I’m having to do kegals around my folks and that’s hard and traumatizing. This guy is my age, Persian, and super sexually active. I’m American and from Georgia. I’m so depressed but also relieved that I have some movement down there. Idk how to feel or what to do to make me feel better. I usually smoke pot but that also numbs everything down there. I’m so upset.

Just like the title says, everyone’s account are getting disabled by meta marine if we brought some attention to this matter on a bigger platform!!!

(31f) I was always insecure about myself so I spent time with shitty friends and older men. But I was really pretty. I feel like my youth was robbed from me. I hung out with older (like way older) ((40s in my early 20s even a 60 year old 🤮) BECAUSE I was insecure and I thought doing this was rather than having to hang out with someone my own age. I did hard drugs when I was 19 so my brain is stuck at that age. I think back to it and it really bothers me. Now I’m in my 30s and I can’t even enjoy my sex life because I was hanging out with someone 7 years older than me and he sexual abused me at 26. IN MY PRIME! I know I have a lot of life to live, I just feel gross and sad, I feel my youth was robbed from me and it’s all my fault. I’m the captain of my life and I didn’t steer correctly.

(31f) I was always insecure about myself so I spent time with shitty friends and older men. But I was really pretty. I feel like my youth was robbed from me. I hung out with older (like way older) ((40s in my early 20s even a 60 year old 🤮) BECAUSE I was insecure and I thought doing this was rather than having to hang out with someone my own age. I did hard drugs when I was 19 so my brain is stuck at that age. I think back to it and it really bothers me. Now I’m in my 30s and I can’t even enjoy my sex life because I was hanging out with someone 7 years older than me and he sexual abused me at 26. IN MY PRIME! I know I have a lot of life to live, I just feel gross and sad, I feel my youth was robbed from me and it’s all my fault. I’m the captain of my life and I didn’t steer correctly.

Me, 31f him 32m

Back in October of last year I went to a rehab, my boyfriend told me there’s was a gay guy there flirting with him. I asked if they did anything together he said no. Fast forward to February of this year, I went to another rehab and how he had made me feel about the first time going to rehab, I lied to him that I was out of town with family. I come back home and I tell him the truth, anyway we weren’t together fussing and so I messaged a guy I’ve known a long time to hook up with him because I was angry. Anyway, I didn’t hook up with random guy from my past. We started to hook up but I stopped it and left. My boyfriend and I weren’t together fussing talking about trying to be back together and he asked me if I’d hooked up with anyone when we were fussing I told him about guy from my past. He gets angry and breaks up with me. Anyway, he told me two nights ago that he did in fact hook up with that gay guy from back in October. He said it was sort of the same thing he started to hook up with him but then stopped.

Tl;dr boyfriend lied about hooking up with guy even after I asked, although when he asks I tell him the truth.

I mean for real wtf.