r/ChildhoodTrauma

I (F18) have an older brother named Luis (M20). He's a good guy: intelligent and kind. But what he did to me still hurts.

When I was about 11 and he was 13, Luis went to walk the dog, and I left him locked outside for about 15 minutes. It was an accident. I closed the door and went to take a shower. Then he opened the door with a towel on, and angrily demanded, "Why did you leave me outside?!" Then he pushed me into the kitchen. My head hit the refrigerator, and I was left naked and dizzy on the floor. I thought Luis would help me, but he just glared at me and left. He could have killed me.

About four years later, something else happened. I started working out, but my parents wouldn't let me go to the gym alone, so I had to go with my brother. I was 15 then, and he was 17. I have big thighs and I'm not very tall, so I'm naturally slow when I walk, and that bothered him. He'd say things like, "I don't like going to the gym with you," or he'd make a face when I started getting ready to go with him. Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but his rejection hurts me deeply. Because of him, I asked my parents not to pay for my gym membership so I could exercise at home instead. Because of my brother, I gave up something I loved.

A few months ago, I told him how much the things he did hurt me, and he apologized. I know he's sorry because we love each other, but no. I think that was enough. Every time he gets angry or bitter, I get scared and want to cry, i feel in danger but I know consciously that he won't hurt me. I'm aware that a young person tends to be impulsive because their brain hasn't fully developed or something like that, but I still feel resentment and pain over what happened. What should I do?

She has tortured, beat, ignored, neglected, demonised and backbitched about me so long that it’s affecting my relationship with my girlfriend and woman overall. I’m cooked bro

I’m 37 and my brother is 30. Two years ago, after keeping a secret for about 25 years, I finally told my mom something I had never told anyone: my stepfather, who is my brother’s biological father, molested me when I was 10 years old.

Telling her was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I had carried it by myself for so long that it was literally eating me alive. But the moment I finally said it out loud, I felt like this dark cloud that had followed me for most of my life finally started to lift.

My mom immediately left him and hasn’t seen him since. This was a complete shock to her. From her perspective, they had the perfect marriage. They were extremely codependent—they worked at the same place, had the same schedule, shared a car, and basically did everything together. She never saw this coming.

I have so much admiration for how she handled it. She completely rebuilt her life. New job, new home, new car, everything. The only real connection she still has to him is my brother and their 2-year-old grandson.

I actually chose when to tell her very carefully. My brother’s son was about to be born, and part of me felt like if I was going to drop this enormous bomb on her life, at least she would also have this new baby coming into the family to bring her some happiness during such a painful time.

Fast forward two years to today.

My brother called me and told me he’s getting baptized this Sunday at 9 a.m. He wants both my mom and me there, but he also told us that his dad will be there.

He became emotional talking about it. He knows how difficult and complicated this situation is, but his baptism is incredibly important to him and he wants the people he loves there.

I haven’t seen my stepfather in more than two years. Neither has my mom. I always knew there would probably come a day when we would be faced with something like this because, despite everything that happened, my brother still loves his father. I understand that. I would never ask him to stop loving his dad or force him to choose between us.

My brother and I are extremely close, and I love him with all my heart. That’s what makes this so difficult.

But I genuinely don’t know if I can walk into a room, see the man who molested me as a child, and stand there pretending everything is ok even for my brother.

For years, I already did exactly that. My mom thought she had the perfect husband. My brother thought he had the perfect father. And I lived my life pretending nothing had happened. I continued treating my stepfather like a father and acting normal around him.

The part that makes it even more complicated is that he didn’t know that I knew what he had done to me. When it happened, I pretended to be asleep.

I carried that secret alone for decades. I have fought so many demons because of what he did to me, and finally telling my mom was the first time I felt like I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Now I feel torn. I desperately want to be there for my brother on one of the most important days of his life. But I also don’t know if I should put myself back in the same room with the person who caused me so much pain.

Would I be selfish or dramatic for telling my brother that I love him and support him, but I can’t attend if his father is going to be there?

When I male 8 years old, my parents were in the middle of a divorce. We lived with my dad cause my mom was an alcoholic. My dad was 35ish and had a 23 year old girlfriend, somehow I knew what sex was and it really bothered me thinking about my dad sleeping with her even though he probably deserved to have some fun like that after my moms bullshit.
I was in my room as it was my bedtime I heard them fooling around. I stormed out and screamed “YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T HAVE SEX WITH HER”. He proceeded to chase me to my room. Once I reached my room I slammed the door and he drove her home immediately. When he got back he lost his mind at me and picked me up by the collar of my shirt and pinned me up as high as he could and pushed me into the closet. I remember being able to see my whole room like I was a security camera, mounted high up. He whisper screamed some pretty mean shit that I don’t remember and then threw me on my bed. Is this something that people normally brush off or would I have some mental damage from that?

Hi dad,

So I have been losing sleep recently for no reason... Which is what I thought initially but now knowing why is a nightmare.

Let me count it out cause it's a long list of issues

1. Your death

2. Mom started being much more absent and distant which lead to my aunt who moved in begin to act like a verbal abusive b\*tch

3. Knowing recently that my cousins only hanged out with me when we were young because they wanted to please grandma and grandpa.

4. Mom would leave me crying on the floor after I begged for forgiveness BECAUSE I WAS DOING KID THINGS and she would leave for a day and having my aunt worsen her bullying by making fun of me and blaming me why mom would leave. No one explained to me my mistake

5. Debt got so bad that I had to hide from loan sharks in the house... You don't know how scared I was when there was banging in the door behind me because that door was a blindspot where they can't see me through the windows. Not to mention the constant "keep the lights low" or "no TV"

6. Mom would promise something then back out instantly

7. Mom sleeping with a married man and I caught them doing it and she completely didn't explain the situation when she promised she would

8. I grew up without privacy, I had no walls or doors to close and only used curtains or cabinets as some sense of privacy and it didn't matter cause everyone passes by my "room"

9. I understand mom more than I understand myself

10. I never brought up I was bullied because mom wouldn't listen to "bitching"

11. Being left alone for 3 days without a van opener to open canned foods

12. Not listened to as a kid

13. People compared me to you, the ideal you that they see and they want me to act like the performative mask mom puts on infront of family

14. Being forced into a college program that I couldn't handle because mom wanted convience over my passion. I felt so alone in college. I wanted to go to college with my friends but mom doesn't want me to go to the same college because she doesn't know anyone there

15. Only being seen as a source of money and not a person

16. For not being accepted for who I am...

Sorry for trauma dumping... I have friends and I consider them my family. I just wanted to be heard... I am a transfem and I would've noticed it sooner if it weren't for these issues... I hide all of my issues and traumas because it feels too much for my friends to carry. I hold my chin up and walk with grace everyday hiding the messy and ugly bits hidden. I am nothing but a broken doll hiding ugly things underneath my porcelain mask

TW: Domestic violence

I don’t really know what I want from posting this. I think I just need to put the whole thing somewhere outside of my own head.

I’m in my mid-30s and only now have I started using the word abuse for what happened to me.

My father slapped me, kicked me, threatened me and broke my finger. When I was 18, he hit me in the face so badly that my eye ruptured and I ended up in hospital. There were other incidents too. Anger could appear very quickly and I learned to watch his mood, his face, his tone of voice. But somehow, for years, I still didn’t think of myself as someone who had experienced domestic violence.

It was always described as conflict. Discipline. Me provoking him. Me being difficult teenager. Individual incidents that I should stop dragging into the present.
And because there were normal moments between them, because he wasn’t violent every single day, because I grew up, got educated, built a career and became a functional adult, I kept treating it like something that didn’t quite count.

I could say, “My father broke my finger,” and still somehow avoid saying, “My father abused me.”
I think part of me believed that abuse was something that happened in other families. It had to be constant, calculated and obvious. The victim had to be completely helpless and the abuser had to be a monster all the time.

My mother was not present. She called me once a week or took me shopping once in a while.

I think after all of this I developed massive inferiority complex. It’s not visible when you meet me. But it’s deeply rooted in me, visible when things get challenging in my life (break ups, work challenges, etc)

I can’t hate them but I hate them both. It’s kind of complicated feeling.

Anyone else hates them but not completely? Didn’t admit it for so long?

Tell me your stories. It might help me feel less lonely in this. 🖤

I remember having a HUGE mental breakdown when I was 8 years old and learning that we would all, one day, die. Like, I'm talking about not being able to sleep through some nights because I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen when I died.

I've asked my partner and some friends and it seems that none of them have had a similar experience.

I doubt I've been the only one to go through this, but I'd like to know if there are more people with similar experiences.

By the way, in my case, this all started when my older brother told me that in millions of years the sun will explode

Hi, I rarely post but this past week, I’ve gone through so much and I don’t know where else to talk about it than here.

Quick backstory:
My biological parents are both registered sex offenders and I was raised by my aunt and uncle from the time I was 4 years old until I turned 17 and I moved out.

Growing up, I’d heard so many different stories about their case from so many different people over the years and I’ve never wanted to accept or believe that they did it, up until about a year ago.

I wasn’t allowed to be around my father until I was 16 and my mother was locked up until this past October. My father is your stereotypical pedophile. He’s very charming and has never taken any accountability for his actions and blamed my mom for the entire thing and I believed him. He has our whole family wrapped around his finger, including me, until April of 2024.

Our family dog had cushing’s disease and we had to have her put down and that night my dad drank an entire bottle of whiskey and got extremely intoxicated. Everyone else had gone to bed, so it was just my father and I in the garage.

Things had started out normal until he started going into another lecture about my (now ex) partner, saying how he didn’t deserve me and it only got worse from there. He got this really scary look in his eyes that still haunts me to this day, and he started rubbing my shoulders, talking about how relationships are only about how you can please your partner and how they can please you and that he bet I had never experienced it before and that he would show me. I got really scared and told him that I was tired and that I needed to get to bed and I went inside.

The next morning, he acted like nothing happened and I don’t know if he even remembers it but I can’t get the way he looked at me or what he said out of my head and since then I’ve gone no contact.

Now on to what is currently going on.

My mother had been trying to form a bond with me after she got out and at first I had firm boundaries and was skeptical of being around her but over time I actually believed she had changed. But her actions leading up to what I discovered changed my whole aspect.

My partner and I threw a cookout to celebrate our new apartment and at first everything was perfect. My partner had been outside on the balcony talking to my mom while they grilled and our future got brought up. Specifically our wedding plans (we’ve been together almost 2 years and we’re starting to talk about marriage).

We had both agreed that neither my mother nor my father were welcome at the wedding, due to the nature of their charges, and because the victims would be at our wedding. (Their victims were my cousins.) Not to mention there would be kids there and we weren’t going to put the children anywhere near them.

Well, he had told my mother that and she threw a huge fit and stormed out to her car and caused a scene in the parking lot. She had also been pissing me off this past month because she would call me at the most random times, show up at my apartment when I was asleep, constantly share only negative things going on in her life, and she had been lying to me about several things including trying to persuade me into putting things that she wanted in my name such as a washer.

These events led me to ranting to my sister about it and she told me that she didn’t understand why I wanted anything to do with our mom because she raped me when I was 2 years old.

At first, I didn’t believe her until I reached out to family I hadn’t spoken to in years and they confirmed it. This happened last week and I feel like my entire world has stopped. I feel so betrayed, scared, hurt and just downright numb. Like I can’t believe that she would do that to me but at the same time it’s so obvious and I feel so stupid for even letting her close in the first place.

I’m 20 years old and I grew up with the most traumatizing experiences that I desperately wish I could erase from my brain but no matter what I do, it haunts me. I don’t understand why I have such bad luck or why I attract the people that I do. As a child, I was molested 4 times. One of my rapists, sexually abused and groomed me from when I was 7 all the way until I turned 15. It didn’t stop until my guardian found out but she took his side because her was her son.

When my parents both came back into my life, they made it seem like my own special paradise every time we visited. They’d take me to fun places every weekend, buy me a bunch of gifts, and hit all the right spots that left me desperate for their attention. All I wanted was to feel the love of my mother and father and to escape my home life and its what made me believe them and forgive their pasts.

I had been so happy to finally feel like I had family that cared about me and loved me that I looked at them through rose colored glasses and just ignored what everyone had said in the past.

And now after finally asking questions, and doing research into their cases, I feel like a disgusting person for even tolerating being near such monsters.

I know this post is all over the place and I’m sorry but so is my mental state right now. For the past week, I haven’t been able to eat, I’ve been staying up every night until 11am-12pm and only sleeping till 3:30ish and no matter how hard I try, I can’t sleep. As I’m typing this out, I’ve been awake for nearly 36 hours.

What can I do to get through this?

Does anyone have any experiences of severe physical abuse when they were a child?

I (28F) am curious as I have started sharing a bit more and people look shocked when I share that I was abused by my parents and that my oldest brother (35M) used to hold butcher knives up to my neck, throw me into furniture, drown me in swimming pools. I didn’t know if this was normal or not and was looking for outside perspectives. Thanks!