u/Significant_Cut_1092

I've been learning a lot on this sub and through therapy, finding my purpose and goals, etc, but I've honestly realized most of my friends aren't similar in terms of having the same life goals. Part of it could be due to the environment I'm in: I'm doing a PhD at a school in the North East region, where people are very focused on work, especially women.

I'm from the Middle East, where women do pursue higher education and many become physicians, get MBAs, etc, but ultimately most of us stay home after getting married or after having kids, since family is our priority. However, I feel that here in the US, that transition is seen as wasting time, or taking up someone else's "spot". My friends mocked me on several occasions when I told them I can't wait to be a mother one day, one of my friends even told me she would stop talking to me if I become a housewife one day because I would be wasting my potential and intelligence in exchange of becoming a man's "maid"

On the other hand, I genuinely do not get most of my joy from my work or studies. Frankly, I used education as a means to both improve myself and gain skills and to build a life in the US. I'm the most joyful when I'm pursuing my hobbies (dancing, baking, being with my friends, etc) and sometimes feel drained in my PhD if I push myself too much to please others.

My friends are mostly pursuing medicine, work in business (very long hours), and are overall very career-focused. They see women like me as women with no ambition, which is why I hid my true desires and just let them think of me as a high-achieving woman.

However, recently I was thinking I need to find new friends that have the same mindset, because I'm worried I'm starting to feel ashamed of my true desires in life. Where would be the best places to find like-minded friends?

I'm 25, live in the US, and have been single for ~2 years. I usually go for older men (5-10 years older) but recently learned how important it is to communicate with them directly.

I reflected on my dating patterns and realized how guarded I was (still am a bit) to avoid getting hurt. On dates, I loved keeping things light, not revealing much about my feelings, and wouldn't even ask them what they are looking for. This resulted in me ending things with men quickly, or staying in situations that were ambiguous.

I have started therapy and changed my approach to dating by revealing more about my goals in life (wanting a family, kids, etc) I also started asking better questions from men on date 2 or 3 and paid attention to their behvaior. For example, I was dating this 35 year old who didn't tell me when we met that he plans on moving to the other coast. He would dance around the topic, would say he will figure it out, and kept inviting me back to his place on every single date. In the past, I would have kept going with the flow or would try to "change" him but showing him how great we would be together, proving my worth, etc but I didn't do that this time and ended things when I realized the incompatibility

I went on a few other dates and have been dating this one guy for a month (we haven't had sex and aren't exclusive yet) and we said from the start that we both want a LTR that leads to marriage. Last weekend, he invited me to visit his parents with him but I'm not sure if it's the time yet. Things may or may not go well with him but my approach of voicing my needs, desires, and wants has really helped me build a bond with him.

I noticed a lot of younger women on this sub go for older men since they are more likely to be ready for a LTR, are more stable, etc. However, we need to voice our needs and wants and communicate well with them, otherwise, it's very easy for things to just stay stagnant if you're not honest with them and yourself. I look forward to learning more from all the valuable advice here!

So every year I have to mail my taxes and it takes some time for them to processs especially because I have to file form 1042-S. This year, it’s taken way longer than usual and I’m getting concerned.

They issued me a 1400 USD refund incorrectly and I paid it back, then they mistakenly withheld a 150 USD from my state refund this year, then sent a letter saying that was a mistake and they‘ve issued a refund. It’s been a month and I haven’t received that refund either even more though it shows up on my transcript.

They also owe me another refund from 2024 since my employer mistakenly withheld medicare taxes from my paycheck despite me not being a resident. They haven’t given me that refund back either.

I don’t know what’s the best course of action now? do I refile my federal taxes? I keep calling them by get the “due to the high volume of calls…” message

I’m 25 and have been single for two years. Recently, I’ve become insecure about myself because I keep hearing that women go for the top 5% men and they won’t commit to them and I’m afraid if this will be my case.

I have a huge trouble with trusting people in general and especially men. When I like a man I’m dating, I become hyper vigilant and look for signs of rejection and self-sabotage. I’ve also been told by men that they can’t tell if I like them and that I’m very guarded.

For two years, I was on and off involved with this man who I dated for a bit and never committed to me. He came back at times, took me on dates, then would say he can’t connect with me because I’m too guarded. To me, he was a safety net: when I didn’t have good options, I knew he was there and would never committed to me so it felt safe. I started therapy two months ago because of this and working on myself.

However, I can’t help but feel that I’m running out of time, that I’m not good enough for the men who are masculine, educated, and make good money (which I know is not true. I take care of myself, model on the side, doing a PhD at a very good school, and men always comment on my femininity and say that’s what they like about me). I’m deeply scared of ending up alone because I don’t have a boyfriend and that guy didn’t commit to me (he hasn’t committed to any woman in the past 5 years and has told me he just doesn’t connect with anyone and he is in therapy and deeply scared of getting hurt and being left for another men. He is also heavily red-pilled)

So I’m wondering what I need to do differently? I am deeply scared of being used for sex and then being left (I don’t have sex until exclusivity) so I‘m not flirty on dates and keep my distance. I feel like I go on dates just to go on dates and convince myself I’m trying but I’m not emotionally available for a connection.

If anyone has any advice for me, I’d truly greatly appreciate it.

I (F25)dated this guy (32) last year and rejected him because he kept only seeing me at night after work (he works really long hours) and would keep being late to our plans. He kept texting me an d apologizing but I had lost interest.

This year, he came back and we started seeing each other at least twice a week, had dinners, spent a Sunday together, then became exclusive and had sex. I started sleeping over at his place but then for the last two times, he picked me up at 11 pm and took me to his place and and wouldn’t really talk much about our lives and plans etc like before.

Last week, he called me on a Friday at 11 pm asking to meetup for a massage and I said I don’t like casual sex and FWB. He said I was being judgmental and overreacting and that’s not what he meant. We kind of kept arguing and he said bye bye. Then I called him and he didn’t respond and I sent him a respectful text telling him i feel recently we just meetup and do late night hangouts but I want something intentional not casual sex.

it’s been a week and he completely ghosted me. No response, no call, no text. Nothing. I have never been ghosted before so I’m just baffled and hurt. I feel like even if It was an argument, he could still respond to my text.

I’m now wondering how I can recover from this. Any tips would be appreciated!

I dated this guy last year but rejected him initially because of his looks and also because I felt he only took me on dinner dates late at night (no sex involved). He texted me multiple times, apologizing for not planning better dates and saying he was super busy and how that was not an excuse (he runs a company and works long hours). I didn’t take him back.

A month ago, he texted me again and I decided to go on a date with him and it was very nice! We went on a few more dates and have been seeing each other twice a week, he picks me up, drops me off, and is affectionate. A week ago, we had sex and I brought up the fact that I don’t do casual sex and asked if he’s sleeping with other women and he immediately said no. I said me neither. He said good, I wasn’t expecting you too.

However, I feel like things somewhat stagnated. He used to talk about his future plans, wanting to buy a house, where to move, etc. But since last week or so, he stopped that completely. Furthermore, our last two “dates“ were us having dinner and going to his place or just us going to his place when he picked me up at 10 pm.

I felt uncomfortable when he called me tonight at 11 asking if I want to go over. I said for what? He said to give me a massage. I got very frustrated and told him upfront that I date with intention and not for casual sex. He said that’s not what he implied and he was annoyed that I thought of it that way. He said he was just out of work and thought to himself he really wanted to see me and wanted to spend time. I said well not late at night. He said ok maybe we’ll do something tomorrow and he yawned and sounded boring while saying it.

I got Even more mad and he was annoyed at this point and said bye. I called him and he didn’t respond so I sent him a text voicing my boundaries and said we shouldn’t waste each other’s times if our intentions don’t align.

I’m now wondering if I overreacted or not? I just don’t want to become a plate or waste my youth on men who don’t see me as the one. And no disrespect to him, but I already had doubts about him since he’s shorter than me which bothers me a little and he also seems to have arousal issues (he didn‘t orgasm when we had sex and had to masturbate afterward… when I asked him he just said he’s an old man and it doesn’t always work)

I dated this guy briefly last year (3 dates) then rejected him because I felt he made last minute plans and overall wasn’t feeling it. He apologized multiple times, asked why, etc but I left it at that.

Last month, he came back and we caught up and have been seeing each other. He sees me twice a week, picks me up, we usually get dinner or spend a Sunday together when he cooks for me. Then we watch movies, have sex, and then recently I’ve been staying at his place at night and he drops me off home in the morning. I told him we should cook together and check a few places out and he agreed. One issue that comes to my mind is that he doesn’t seem to be able to orgasm that often and jokingly told me “I’m an old man it doesnt always work” which I don’t really believe.

The main issue is that I feel that things aren’t getting deeper if that makes sense? We tease each other and joke around but there is no future planning, he doesn’t talk about wanting to be with me long-term or anything like that. He is very curious about me and my life, I am curious about him too and we talk a lot about what’s going on in our lives But nothing about a relationship. Last year when we met he told me he asked about my long-term plans and said he hopes to be in a long-term relationship as well.

I’m not sure how to approach things regarding exclusivity and intentions. I feel like if he wanted me, he would have brought it up already. But I also don’t want to get stuck in a situationship so was wondering what would be the best way to approach this situation?

In general, I'm a very smiley person, I don't like to cut people out of my life, I don't like arguing and would rather use kindness in all situations. A big part of it is my cultural upbringings (I'm Middle Eastern) and I'm good at keeping friends and dating although I'm single and was on and off with a much older man for 1.5 year and then ended things. I was in a 3-year LTR in college and him and his family loved me and same on my side

The men seem to like my femininity, and even when I tried to be mean with that one guy, he laughed and said "this doesn't suit you at all. Keep being the sweet woman that you are"

However, one of my new friends has been telling me that I have no boundaries, I let people walk all over me, and from the moment she met me she thought I'm too smiley and too nice to people even if they are jealous of me. She tells me people think they can push you and you allow them to do so. She herself has very strong boundarie but to me it seems like she has problems with everyone. She has cut off multiple friends, complains about not having friends, is quite negative about people, and, in my opinion, gets offended very easily and cuts people off SO quickly.

My questions are:

1. How do I know if I actually need stronger boundaries? Am I supposed to just cut people off if I notice they're jealous, mean, etc? My current approach is just managing interactions instead of harsh reactions
2. I started reading that book I mentioned but it seems like that book is more about having your own life (which I do), but also some games like replying late, etc that I'm not sure about

My goal is to hopefully find a traditional, masculine man, and I'm drawn to the men with lots of options and they usually say they prefer peaceful women but do I need to kind of change myself to become a better person? I think I just don't know what I'm doing wrong