u/ClashRamRider

I don't even know how to write this properly. I'm not looking for advice, motivation, or someone to tell me everything will be okay. I genuinely just need to get this out because I have absolutely nobody in my life I can talk to about any of this.

My life is fucked right now.

Since I started high school, it feels like everything has gone downhill. School is insanely hard for me. The days are long as hell, the classes are difficult, and I'm already someone who struggles to sit still and concentrate for an hour, so being forced to do it for basically the entire day completely drains me. Then I get home and I'm supposed to study, do homework, prepare for tests and somehow have enough energy to function normally.

I don't.

I'm exhausted all the time.

And the worst part isn't even the schoolwork. It's that I'm going through all of this completely alone.

I have no genuine friends. Literally nobody I can talk to when something happens. Nobody I can randomly message. Nobody who asks how my day was because they actually care. Nobody I can sit next to at school and feel comfortable with.

I'm surrounded by people all day and somehow I'm still completely alone.

Sometimes people even pretend to invite me into conversations just so they can make fun of me. They say things like "come talk with us" when I know they don't actually want me there. After enough of that, you stop trusting people. You stop approaching them. You start assuming that every interaction is going to end with you feeling stupid or unwanted.

And then when something happens to me, whether it's something completely insignificant or something that genuinely destroys me, I have nobody to tell.

I just keep everything inside.

My parents don't feel like people I can properly open up to either, so there isn't really anywhere for all of this to go.

Then I look at my life and realize I still have THREE MORE YEARS of this school.

Three fucking years.

Sometimes even thinking about that makes me so overwhelmed and anxious that I start panicking. I'm already struggling to survive one school week, and I'm supposed to believe I can just keep doing this for years?

Outside school, there's barely anything left either.

I go to the gym. That's probably the one thing I still consistently do. Apart from that, I just sit on my phone and scroll Instagram for hours. Then I sleep, wake up, go back to school, come home exhausted, scroll again, and repeat.

That's basically my life right now.

School. Stress. Loneliness. Phone. Sleep. Repeat.

I don't feel like I'm actually living anymore. I feel like I'm just trying to make it through each day without completely falling apart.

And the most fucked up part is that I'm still young. I'm supposed to be enjoying these years, making friends, having memories and actually living my life.

Instead, I'm sitting here wondering how I'm supposed to get through another day.

I feel completely alone. Completely empty. Completely exhausted.

At this point life doesn't even feel like life anymore. It feels like a survival game where I'm just trying to get through the next level.

I'm not posting this because I expect Reddit to fix anything. I don't even know if anyone will care enough to read this.

I just genuinely have nobody.

And I couldn't keep all of this inside anymore. I really wanted to share this i couldn't hold it anymore in me... and i was really holding back like this it sounds like normal guy with normal problems but it's much worse...

Thanks if you actually read that 🙂