Confused About Current Dating Situation
I (21F) have never been in a formal relationship, all of the people who I have "talked" to in the past have never resulted in a relationship, they usually end up as just a one time thing. I have recently been seeing a new person (20M). We both prefer getting to know each other in person, which is why we've been hanging out quite often (every other day for the past week).
Background;
Growing up I've always had an emphasis put on succeeding in academia and having a good work ethic as it was "swim or drown" for all of the family that's come before me. I've had a job since the age of 15 and have been enrolled in school for basically my whole life. (Montessori starting at the age of 2, and I am a current post secondary student). My life is generally what people would consider perfect, minus the fair share of mental health issues I face, which've caused some major road blocks in my life.
I am not where I always thought I would be at this time in my life due to how I reacted and behaved due to my mental health struggles. I have a lot of empathy towards people who have also gone through struggles in their lives because of my experiences. I feel like I give others more grace than I do myself.
The issue;
I am unsure on I feel about the person I am seeing, and I don't want to waste either of our time or cause hurt for either of us. I enjoy spending time with him when we are together, but whenever I am left alone I find myself being hypercritical of him. I've been trying to "unlearn" some of the prejudices that I've come to have via the osmosis of expectations that I've always had put on me growing up.
It's been a short time period, but as mentioned before I really enjoy spending time with him and I am looking forward to have the ability to get to know him more on a deeper level. He's told me about his upbringing and he genuinely was dealt a really bad hand of cards, especially in comparison to me. From what I've been able to see he wants to do better for himself. I see the potential for creating a great life for himself and I would love to be by his side and help him achieve it.
Simultaneously, when I am not with him and I think about his current situation for too long it makes my stomach churn. I feel judgemental for basing him as a person on his current situation, especially because I am also, in a way, in the same boat. I think it stems from a fear that he will not take the steps to create a better situation for himself and continuing on with his past habits, because he hasn't made many steps to change from what he's told me.
It genuinely hasn't been a long time by any measure but I always get ahead of myself and overanalyze. I have a history of self destructing when things are going well, and I am afraid that this is what I am doing now by nitpicking things. It is eating me alive because I really like spending time with him, but where he is at currently doesn't really align with what I want in a future partner, and I always tend to think of the future and not the present.
I would really appreciate some input from people who have more relationship experience than me. I genuinely have no idea of how romantic relationships start and what feelings are normal. I am just really anxious because I feel like I have to make a quick and decisive decision on how I feel to avoid pain on either of our ends.
TL;DR
I feel like I have to make a decision on how I want to proceed with a relationship even though it is very new in order to avoid dealing with/causing pain and wasting my/their time. The person I am interested in's current lifestyle is not something that I would like in a partner, but I can also see that they want to grow from it and better themselves.