I may have ruined myself(PLEASE READ)
For context, when i was 16 years old I took an upskirt photo of my classmate(something i condemn heavily and disgusted about), idk why i did it, and i have felt heavy shame for so so so long. Then a few weeks back, apparently someone recorded me doing that act, idk why they are bringing it up now instead of back then, but i got confronted about it and im not even sure there was a video or not, but i confessed to my friend regardless, and he definitely took a screenshot of the convo and showed everyone(dumb mistake of mine). He then went on to tell me the video was sent to a lot of people who the mystery sender assumed were my close friends, so they basically all knew. And on a discord call which we usually have for late night gaming, they all confronted me and told me how they cant see me the same and blah blah blah. I instantly apologised to the girl, and she left me on read for a while before unfollowing me, which is fair cause i wronged her. My friends’ reactions kind of shocked me, so im not keen on befriending them again, most of them at least
Anyway, it has been nearly a month since this has happened, and i have had an exam and then a two week uni holiday, so i didnt move out of my house for a while, and to be honest, i am so scared to even leave my house to go anywhere, im scared to see people, idk how many people know, i am genuinely just terrified to leave, purely from the stares and judgement. My family has helped plenty, they keep telling me to be confident and tell them they have no right to judge and all that stuff, but im scared of even interacting with them, idk how they see me, do they see me as friends or like are we completely cut off?
I am not making an effort to befriend them but idk ig im overthinking and making this situation bigger than it is, cause my mom told me they probably have forgotten about it, but i fucked up my math final over it i couldn’t study properly, and im starting uni again in two weeks(btw they are hs friends so i dont see most of them at uni but we hungout so much besides that)
Ig my problem rn isnt the friends, i can make friends at uni its no issue, im just scared of ig how big they make it out, how many people know, me not knowing who knows and who doesnt so it can result in awkwardness, cause most of them live near my area
Ig what im trying to say is, even though i feel much better than at the start of this issue, i am still kind of a loser rn, i still see my friends doing stuff, getting jobs, internships whatever, and im thinking that i ruined my future, cause im too scared to join any society or film any form of social media or get an internship or something out of fear of the gossip, and how it may potentially ruin my life, its making me not want to do anything that can be publicly viewed
I just really need help, im sorry if this was confusing at all to anyone, i am not a pervert, it was a dumb thing i did that i have regretted everyday of my life afterwards, and i have never done the like before or after
Any advice would be wonderful, or something more idk, thank you