u/ClassyCassowary

Mostly posting so I have something in writing when I try to chicken out. I'm a first year associate in biglaw. I never wanted this job going into law school and specifically chose my law school/scholarship so I wouldn't have to do it, but was a good student at a good school and fell into the "oh it's great training for a few years! You'd be crazy to say no, everyone wants this!" narrative. Every day I remember why I didn't want to do this in the first place. I haven't billed less than 200hrs/mo since getting staffed up, and half the time it's more like 250-275. My group is too leanly staffed to do anything about that. I don't have a goal or reason for being here anymore, and I don't aspire to be the seniors I work with. The workload is making me physically sick every day, and when I asked around for advice recently people acted like it was normal to be medicated to deal with that. It's fucked. I feel like I have freaking Stockholm syndrome for taking this long to realize it. I told someone out loud last week for the first time that I was trying to get out and it's like something clicked, so I can finally actually do it without freaking out. I'm so ready to be done. Who knows what happens next, but at least it's not this.

For folks who've been in small leanly staffed groups, vs bigger ones, what were the meaningful differences? Pros? Cons?

I'm generally trying to get out of my job, but trying to diagnose what exactly my issue is first in case I could stick it out longer for better exits if I could lateral somewhere better.

I joined a small regulatory group thinking it'd ne so great (that's what everyone said lol). It does have pros. I take a lot of responsibility for my work since I'm usually the only associate on a matter, and I enjoy specializing. But we're slammed. We've had a rash of midlevels and seniors moving on to better and brighter futures (about 10% attrition of the total group) in the past few months, and we already didn't have many. It's a handful of juniors and a billion counsel and partners. The juniors are up to their eyeballs in work and we keep getting new clients. The group seems allergic to hiring under normal circumstances, and we recently found out that they're trying to reduce the hiring they did have planned. The firm is doing fine and it's a premier group--I don't get it. I think the work would be more tolerable if there was literally any wiggle room in staffing and coverage. But does it really make a difference? Or is biglaw like that phenomenon with traffic where when you build bigger roads the traffic just increases to fill them?

Maybe slightly off topic, but I'm sure I'm not the first person this job has made physically sick. I'm a generally nauseous person and have learned that sleep deprivation and stress makes it worse. Been busy and am legitimately struggling to get my work done right now because of stepping away to throw up. (As I type this I realize how ridiculous it sounds)

Does anyone else deal with this and have go-tos? Obviously the real solution is fix the work situation, but that's not on the short term horizon. Just looking to cope right now so I don't blow all my deadlines or else quit on the spot (tempting). I googled how different OTC nausea meds work to figure out which one would be good and Google told me to take deep breaths and think good thoughts lmao

Probably a basic question.

Background: Im making a federal resume for the first time and looking at every example I can find. I'm a newly licensed attorney. I did law review in school, which is basically an academic journal staffed by law students and something people like to highlight on their resumes.

Question: In non-federal resumes it's common to put "McEditor, School X Law Review" as one line right under your education. However, I also get the impression federal resumes are way more detailed and I'm wondering if people ever pull things like that into full text (an activities section or something?), especially early in your career when there's space to do so

I'm only wondering because I had an executive board position that had a good bit of responsibility and highlight-able skills, but I'm used to applying for law firm positions where people know that just from the job title. I'm not sure an attorney will be reading this resume (at least not initially) and every govt website I see says they can't assume anything, so wondering if it would be appropriate (or alternatively cringe?) to give this a bit of space to spell it out. The job posting doesn't mention it either way

It's another one of those posts. I probably need a therapist. Instead I'm here screaming into the reddit void.

I'm 8 months into my first post-grad job and on paper it should be great. I graduated top of my class at a solid school and snagged a job I probably shouldn't have qualified for in a niche group with one of the top biglaw firms in that field. But I basically fell into it all. (def was the typical "overachiever who likes reading goes to law school" case). And while I'm fine with the work, the workload/expectation to be always available is making me miserable (shocker, I know).

I don't even really know why I'm here. I don't need to be - it was never the plan going into law school, and I don't need the salary. I went straight from undergrad to law school and regret that decision. I've just always worked for the next gold star and now I don't know who I am or what I want, and I feel like I don't have the time or brainpower to fix that. I'm exhausted. My nervous system is shot. I took a week off earlier this month ("off" - I was moving and half online anyway...) and actually cried a few days in when I realized how much better I felt not getting an adrenaline spike at every outlook ping. And I feel so guilty thinking all of this because I'm objectively incredibly privileged and lucky to be here.

I've been lightly applying and interviewing for jobs, but I've also been fantasizing about just quitting and taking time to travel and get some space and perspective. I'm totally unencumbered wrt personal commitments and have the budget to do it without worrying at all. I would do it with a plan to be productive and hopefully come back having introspected/tried new things/talked to folks/figured out what I want and how to frame my experience. Maybe I'd do something freelance/online to just have a resume line for that time (I adored my journal e-board role and would be so so happy if I could sustain myself with that sort of technical editing, so maybe contract proofreading/editing gigs). Idk. But I know that plan is insane. I'm very junior and risk averse and the job market sucks. I worry I'd end up *long* long-term unemployed.

Idk what the point of this post is, but thanks for reading :')

Edit: thanks everyone. I did reach out to make a therapy appointment after this, so here's to figuring things out