u/Clean-Power8581

Guys dont freak out!!!!

Today I've watched a movie of gay guy who doesn't accept himself (ego dystonic) and he try to deny to himself his Truth and change his sexuality to be straight ,I was watching it to prove to myself I'm not like him,instead I got more triggered and I felt like I'm in the same case as him and I felt like I'm feeling like im free when he said I'm gay for the first time to himself , that's it ,it have to be the gay side of me just showed up ,guys pray for me to die, please,I can't,it's like my mind and the thoughts and the feelings killing me,am I in denial?am I just deny that I am like him going through same situation??? except that he tried to be straight but he never was from the 1st time while me Ive been always hetro and gonna die hetro,?i felt like I'm in complete denial,I wish I didn't watch that fucking movie.

I don't know if it's ocd anymore,I don't have what if questions and never had it,it's always you are gay statement,I don't feel afraid ,anxiety,and even no fucking doubt,it's just like my mind surrendered to some stupid thought,like it's my reality and I'm just not accepting it despite I know it's a complete bs.

I never was experiencing those feeling in my body, I'm just feeling attracted and aroused by same sex now,like now I have certain body type and characteristics that arouses me,imagine even hairy hands just make feel aroused,this is a big wtf????,from being totally straight and aroused and attracted only to woman to this????,fat ugly dudes,ugly man with beards become attractive,hairy body went from being descuting to me to smth Im aroused by compulsively?????.

if it's common what a big gift from god,if it's not,I hope just god kills me soon,cause tbh everyday is a big torture for me,and the lack of symptoms of ocd make it worse(fear, anxiety,what if question).

I'm dealing with hocd for 5years,and it jumped from intrusive thoughts to feelings,also suffering from loss of attraction toward opposite gender.

I have false attraction and arousals toward same sex,what it scares me the most is it happens automatically like my old attraction toward opposite sex,difference is just i don't have any sexual or romantic desire toward them,is it common in hocd to feel attracted without even checking,like automatic?it's not am I attracted qst or you are attracted statement,it's just intrusive feelings, thank you for reading my pst.