r/HOCD

Guys dont freak out!!!!

Today I've watched a movie of gay guy who doesn't accept himself (ego dystonic) and he try to deny to himself his Truth and change his sexuality to be straight ,I was watching it to prove to myself I'm not like him,instead I got more triggered and I felt like I'm in the same case as him and I felt like I'm feeling like im free when he said I'm gay for the first time to himself , that's it ,it have to be the gay side of me just showed up ,guys pray for me to die, please,I can't,it's like my mind and the thoughts and the feelings killing me,am I in denial?am I just deny that I am like him going through same situation??? except that he tried to be straight but he never was from the 1st time while me Ive been always hetro and gonna die hetro,?i felt like I'm in complete denial,I wish I didn't watch that fucking movie.

I know this is a stupid question and I know the answer is probably no, but do gay/lesbian people feel gay? I’m just constantly analyzing the way I look, the way I dress and walk, the music I listen to, and the way I sound, and it all feels like evidence that I’m a lesbian. I never used to question these traits about me. I always knew my style and taste in music didn’t mirror the typical “straight girl”, but it never bothered me because I knew it was what I liked and I also knew who I liked. I used to be more into men but now I feel little to nothing towards them and I feel attracted to every single woman I see. It used to be sexual thoughts and testing to see if I liked it but now it’s just imagining being in a close, emotional relationship and it feels so right sometimes. It’s not what I want but it feels like it’s who I am and I just gotta accept it now. I don’t have much experience. I’ve always fantasized about men and the guy friends/one boyfriend I’ve ever had have been online so I’ve never even interacted with a man irl really. Could my fantasies be fake and not what I really want? I used to imagine being with my boyfriend irl and I loved it but now it feels like it would feel so wrong. It feels like being with a girl is what’s right for me now. Is it possible for my fantasies to be wrong since I’m so inexperienced or is that what I truly desire?

It's like a virus, like a broken system, like a parasite, it's like something I want to scrape off myself. That's how convincingly I feel. And from all this pressure, I feel like digging my nails into my skin and biting myself. I guess I'm too naive to believe that underneath all of this, I am not a lesbian.

hey guys I have really bad ocd and i’m on meds for it but i recently have masturbated and my families voices like my mom came into my head during climax am i alone in this or has this happened to anyone else thanks.

WARNING FOR PEOPLE THAT DONT WANT TO VENT

Im looking for help with an issue regarding one of my testing behaviours. Im 20 and have been through nearly every possible test that hocd can throw my way since ive had this for the last 5.5 years. Suddenly yesterday i went through an experience which in my head was saying “you might like moving/acting like a woman in a sexual way”. Adrenaline and feelings inside me were pushing me to test it. I did it a bunch of times and i dont know how to feel about it since i get subtle feelings during it which resemble enjoyment but at the same time i dont know if i feel okay with all of it which pushes me into believing that this might be denial. Also what im confused about is that there are times where im like “i dont like it” but they dont really feel that powerful and sometimes i feel so immersed into doing it that it feels like something i natura enjoy or whatever. I need some help to interpret some of my feelings during it. Has anyone experienced something similar?

When I feel in a happy mood I feel turned on by same gender friends naked and it feels so natural and I don’t panic and don’t care. On the back of this, “When I feel in a happy mood I feel turned on by same gender friends naked and it feels so natural and I don’t panic and don’t care”

I then went on to masturbate the way I used to pre hocd with the above thoughts and feelings and accepting them whilst I was doing so abd I fejt better and that felt less sticky but they feel naturally part of my masturbation experiences now and didn’t care though don’t want these same gender thoughts. Was I masturbating to the sane gender thoughts

As I fejt so good I keep masturbating to the above scenario and naked woman keep coming up and I feel fine and good. Whilst masturbating I can’t masturbate and focus on dixks all o could focus on was masturbating abd thoughts of naked woman whilst getting off

Please andeeer

1. Where the intrusive thought and compulsion are ?

2. Was i masturbating to same gender ?

3. Is this hocd ?

Recently I’ve been trying really hard to get away from research compulsions and also quit pornography and it’s made my life incredibly hard. I love my girlfriend and I know that but lately I can barely feel it, I’m scared that it’s fading and I don’t want it to. Every time something comes up about change I get nervous. For instance I was talking about how I used to love my old car but now I want a new one because I want to drive manual, and my brain immediately takes that and starts saying “if that can change because you tried manual then maybe you’ll change your mind if you try getting intimate with men” and then I just feel a pit in my stomach.

I also noticed I’m just always scared of the future. Today I had the thought of “I haven’t really been happy lately or the last couple years so maybe I’m going to end up being one of those ‘I wasn’t happy until I found my true self’ stories” and that made me feel awful. The thoughts ruined sex for me last night with my girlfriend and I woke up feeling super anxious and I just hate this constant dread I feel within my relationship now. All I want is for this all to go away, I just want to be with her.

F 23 very sure i have hocd for 2 years and I tried therapy a year ago but I didn't work and the kast 2 days I feel absolutely wretched. I struggle to go outside and see people on my phone a lot im neglecting everything around me im constantly distracted. I fear so much thst im queer looking back on my expirences where I did have some great attractions to men byt most of the online ones where boring which my brain has told me is a sign of lesbian. I live in the middle nowhere in the uk not a large us city with plenty of resources could you link resources to me please.

ive been very much into masc lesbians mostly, and i rarely liked fems and now im convinced i might be straight since they appear very masculine and its freaking me out ☹️☹️

when i was about 6, i was a very curious child and did many 'sexual' things with this other girl (it was us rubbing tummies against eachother and roleplaying). Anyways, I remember enjoying the sensation and viewing her as my gf in that roleplay scenario, but i dont remember having feelings for her? Most of the time i considered her to be my bestfriend. Now im scared i liked her, that i imagined myself as a man and her as a woman doing it, and im just scared it means im secretly bi even though i did not like her at all. BUT, i also know these things happened, but i get these 'what if u felt this way' but like ik i did? so, what if im just lying to myself because im so scared of being gay, therefore im in denial? im just so scared i like her or that this means something, because i dont remember thinking that she was my gf outside of roleplay, nor did i enjoy it that much (i often wanted to be the woman). What if this isn't ocd anymore?

When this shit started I tried this method i learnt from a psychologist on yt called ocd and anxiety , where you repeat " maybe maybe not" and "hello thought you are welcome to stay" I did this every time I got a intrusive thought and it worked I was hocd free in a week and then like an indoor I tried testing if it really went away and then it relapsed hard , it's been 2 years and 3 reddit accounts since that. I find it very hard to continue that old method and idts that it will work anymore. Please share some other therapies that help hocd patients to lose hocd. Thanks

Someone probably already wrote about this, i have been straight my whole life and when ocd came, the fear of being gay randomly popped up. I began getting weird gronial responses and salivating, so many signs to the point where i think im jst kidding myself, what is wrong with me?

(15F) guys when I try to ignore the thoughts, I feel relief for a few moments. then i think about my loss of attraction to men pre hocd, i never found them aesthetically pleasing which makes me so anxious and nervous, I always had crushes on fictional anime boys and never developed attraction on fictional girls or irl girls but I read somewhere that fictional crushes don't count, also when I had a bf I barely found him attractive but having crushes felt so good, but it just sounds like denial to me and i really don't know what to do cause everyone here developed loss of attraction after hocd while mine was pre hocd, and even typing this makes me mad cause I know im deep in denial, also I read that this might have been demisexuality but I don't want to label myself or associate with lgbtq stuff.

I get some really good days and feel completely normal but it feels like my retriggers get worse and worse every time I get retriggered. This recent time, I went to hang with a friend for a bit. As soon as I saw her I was kinda triggered cause the top she was wearing showed cleavage and eventually it for actual arousal and it felt pleasant, I know I shouldn't have but I tried checking or testing to see if I would feel genuine arousal or anxious arousal around her and it felt genuine. I could imagine being with her without being disgusted. I don't know how to explain it but it felt like I wanted it so bad it didn't matter that she was a girl and there was no anxiety. There's been consistent anxiety since then though and this is my wedding week. I'm ethnically Indian so there's literally wedding events going on while I'm dealing with this and I do not enjoy them. I just feel miserable. Simply the fact that I felt so aroused it didn't matter that she was a girl, that I would want her, felt terrible. I can't remember being like this pre hocd. Please help, I really want to enjoy getting married.

My HOCD has been getting much worse the past few weeks. I had a break from it when I went on vacation but when I came back it was so much worse. I’m feeling horrible anxiety, like turning gay is inevitable or that maybe I’ve always been gay and I’m just forcing myself to admit it now. It feels hopeless. All I want in my perfect world is to just live my life out with my girlfriend, if I could have a guarantee we’d be fine I wouldn’t ever care about the rest. I just want to be able to enjoy my time with her and be happy with her, but slowly I feel myself being less capable of enjoying her company and I feel like a liar constantly. It feels like the life I’ve known and liked is gone and now I’m just left to be what I really am when I don’t want it.

F 23 here haven't posted in a while im worried i don't have so ocd and that im just lesbian in denial with comphet. Even before ocd I was uncomfortable around queer women byt I didnt think much of it just felt better when I was away from them. I like lesbian porn and other adult material sometimes I can picture being a in a queer relationship that freaks me out. Anyway I read ghe story of camilla lorentzen a latebloomer thought she was straight came out as 30. Said in hindsight looking back she was attracted to women worried thst will be me when there are small things now such as in average women are aesthetically more attractive on average. Poing is im terrified that will happen with me I get so triggered by latebloomer lesbian stories

hey chat, so recently my hocd (hoping it is) got so bad to the point i'm fully convinced that I'm a lesbian and never felt anything for men. the idea of being with men grossed me out this week and I no longer can picture myself with a man and seems like I only want women. I keep asking myself questions and test myself but it genuinely seems like I'm in denial because everytime I see a pretty woman i like want to be with her even though before all this I never wanted girls, but the loss of attraction for boys pre hocd was still there. i really can't calm down nowadays because I'm not sure whether this is truly hocd or i simply fooled myself and everyone, if i accept that I'm lesbian or bi I'm sure that I'll turn into one and i know it. even if i recover from this I still have to accept this bitter truth which makes me panic, I'm just in denial. life feels so meaningless, i can't feel happy, i can't enjoy anything and everything seems so forced to me, i just miss my life before june and i truly feel alone on this, i deep down know that this isn't hocd and it makes me worse, I know that once I'll accept this I'll be into girls and there's no way that this isn't true.

TW(?) Long emotional post

Please help me. I've been checking all day with the same person in their explicit videos and I really didn't think I was lying to myself when I said I didn't get aroused. And I think I genuinely felt miserable watching them. I still forced myself to finish to them even though I hated it because it's just something I have to do. Once I start even if I pass all my tests (which I never want to do in the first place) I still force myself to go all the way because I feel too dirty and contaminated to be normal again. But the 4th time with the same person in videos I thought I felt actual pleasure with his vidoes.

I don't want to be lying about having OCD. I don't think I've been lying because these 24/7 non stop intrusive sexual thoughts are gross to me and I don't think I'm lying when I cried the times I just wanted to go to sleep or lay down because my head was so heavy and I ended up doing it because the thoughts wouldn't stop.

I don't want it to be real because I don't want to ever be with men romantically or sexually and I feel so empty inside when I imagine waking up to a boyfriend or husband next to me. I don't care if you can be bisexual and still have a girlfriend anyways because I don't want to ever get on that level with men at all not even once. And it's not even because of my religion or shame it's just because it doesn't make me happy. I'm miserable about everything in life and I've never regularly enjoyed sexual fantasies about the other sex either but I was so excited to be a good boyfriend to a girlfriend one day and to spend my life with a woman that I love but it doesn't seem possible now everything just seems so dark and empty. I can't explain why it can't logically work with men either it just doesn't makes me happy.

But now I feel like there's no hope because it felt real this time and it felt like I genuinely felt pleasure with the video. I don't think I was lying the other three times but now the voice in my head is saying it was right all along that I was just repressing it. Please someone tell me can it ever feel like real pleasure when it gets bad. I don't want to do this anymore I feel so sick in my stomach. But now I feel tied to it forever after this night with no choice. I've had POCD thoughts too what if those were real too

can ocd make you feel like you're into girls both emotionally and sexually? before hocd i had these feelings towards girls but never took them seriously and never wanted to be with them, but rn i feel like I'm attracted to them even though i can't imagine myself with a woman like that and i just feel like it's not ocd and I'm js in denial because of this, and honestly it ruins my day because everytime i read some posts on here, none of the creators had the same experience as me and i truly feel alone on this, because i was really secure in my orientation but right now i can't even make female friends without my mind constantly telling me that i'm into them or i have a crush on them.

I’ve been dealing with this for almost 2 years now and for the first time the past few weeks the arousal has started to feel so real. I was walking around at work and wondering why ERP wasn’t making me anxious and if maybe I was doing it wrong and then I started imagining a flirty/flamboyant gay guy flirting with me and trying to give me a HJ and I started to get aroused and turned on and had the urge to masturbate. I’ve never had this happen until recently ever since a gay guy tried flirting with me at a bar. It feels like I really am fucked this time, I’m just gonna end up being gay and my life with my girlfriend is over.