i am attracted to almost all girls atp who are even a little bit pretty, i feel like i have a type now and that type covers 90% of the girls. If this was ocd, i wouldnt have a type. Ffs im jealous of my ex for getting with girls so easily, pure envy no love. Did i ever love him? I feel heartbroken to know that what i thought was love might not have been love at all? Was it all for validation?

I was never attracted to boobs, could never understand why men ran after boobs and now all of a sudden, every single part of the female form is enough to arouse me. The weirdest part is i don't get groinals, i dont get wet or anything but i feel mentally aroused? like seduced? i have lost all of my attraction to men and even before this i wasnt necessarily sexually attracted to men, but them masturbating really turned me on. Im scared it was just the motion or intensity that turned me on and not the men themselves. I have tocd as well so thats another thing now what if i wanted to have a penis and it was just envy?

Maybe i never had ocd to begin with, my brain works like a man's brain now. Im just done

alors j’ai du hocd depuis 8-9 mois et puis jusqu’à ses 2 jours j’avais peur d’être un homme gay passif et le faite d’être un actif m’étais arrivé qu’une seul fois pendant 1 sem durant mon toc et ya 2 jours je voulais voir à quoi ressemblais les femboy et je vois une femme sur ma recherche de site de x et puis je clique dessus je voyais qu’elle avais de très belle fesse sauf qu’un doute s’installe et je me attend sa serai pas un homme et je sais pas mais setais très ressemblant à une femme même si elle avais les cheveux court de la je décide de me masturber j’avais pas ressenti sa depuis très longtemp alors que même habituellement avec les porno avec les femme setais pas la forme parce que je suis actuellement en burn out total mais du coup je me masturbe encore sur la seul vidéo que j’ai vu du trans et je sais pas ses quoi les femmes sur ses site je les vois neutre mais y’a un truc avec le trans il y’a un petit stress dans la poitrine mais pas comme celui de quand j’étais mégas excité avec des femmes avant mais je sais pas je suis totalement perdu je sais pas quoi faire si quelqu’un pourrai m’aider sa serai gentil

It can pretty much attach itself onto any guy at this point, they just have to be the slightest bit of good looking to the point where I start to worry. But it’s like, I kinda know I’m not attracted to them, but the possibility of it is what kinda scares me. It also kinda sucks that I have a bit of TOCD now, which I got over with for like a few days, but now it’s been back.

Hello. From as early as I can remember I have loved girls so much. All I wanted to do was look at them, talk to them, fantasize about them, anything you can name. When I was 12, I discovered Pornography, which basically is where it all started.

For a year, any chance I got I would consume porn. Why time I was alone, and at most times I would even try to get alone or cancel hangouts out family time to watch porn. Every day multiple times a day I would do it. Then, at 14, something happened.

I woke up one day (obviously masturbated to porn the night before), and a lot of my attraction had almost vanished. It was a weird experience but didn't stop me. I would still consume porn daily, but there was the initial feeling missing. It didn't bother me though.

I got into highschool and met this girl and had the forst ever real crush id ever had. In meeting her I decided to quit porn of all types, and quit masturbating. We dated for two years, and for 7 months I did not watch porn or jerk off at all. Then, we started to get sexual, which was an amazing expierence. It brought a whole new type of world to me and I would be ecstatic every day to do something with her (not only sexual).

I had no issues besides for when I would go on vacations, I would miss her deeply and almost lose attraction again and be so bored and lonely. I would say I went on around 7 vacations in the time we dated. When I got back though it was like it had never happened and we would be back.

Now coming into today we just recently broke up, I am now a junior in high school, and I am 17. In breaking up I got so scared I will never find another girl, and the breakup is still hurting a little bit as of today to be honest. Within that time, it felt like I was on vacation again, and it still feels that way. I get ups and downs but I started expierencing intrusive thoughts. I am not attracted to men, I dont plan to be any time soon, and men do not turn me on. But with the loss of attraction, I got scared I was gay, and tried to see if I was. I went back into porn to prove to myself I wasnt, and it has harmed me really bad, this is the most I have consumed porn. It leaves my mind feeling numb for women and no attraction anymore. I dont know how this thing really works, and again I am not gay, but i keep obsessing over the idea that I might be, and it has effected me every day since, some days less than others. All I want is to feel that attraction again, and I have made ways to cope, but any time I feel attraction again, the intrusive thoughts come back and I just forget about everything good I felt. If there is anyone with any help please let me know.

I’m not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but do any of you guys struggle with watching content about your own identity? I’m bi and I follow this other bi creator who’s very open about bisexuality, and anytime I get videos on my FYP, it’s like I keep monitoring how I feel and if I can relate to everything.. but I always feel like I’m not actually bi because I can’t relate or I’m just stuck on that feeling :( I really worry it just mean I’m in denial and not really bi

It just sucks, it feels very real and a part of my mind tells me I’m lying about my identity

I feel like I have so many specific memories that make this all feel real. Like in particular I can remember every time my friends talked about coming out. Or remember every time my friends hooked up with women and it makes me think that I’m fixating on it because I’m lesbian and didn’t realize. Like why would I remember those things specifically? I can’t have ocd if I had little intrusive thoughts for years.
It makes me think two older girls I looked up to were actually crushes. When I was young and had a crush on an older neighbor I remember thinking his prom date was really pretty and now my brain is telling me that was a crush.

atp, im convinced that i never had hocd. the difference between real ocd users and me is that i just know im attracted to women, my attraction to men has faded away, if there ever was attraction even. i get jealous of guys with beautiful women. i watch anything and my eyes are always on the girl and how attractive she is and if shes not pretty then i find myself admiring her personality and then again i feel attracted to her. feels like im attracted to every other woman, not even questioning anymore. maybe this was never ocd to begin with, maybe i was in denial all along

now i js feel like im in denial and thats why they wont work

I’ve struggled with SO-OCD for years and one of the hardest parts has been how it affects intimacy and arousal. Before this OCD theme started, I felt very certain about my attraction to men, but over time I started hyperanalyzing every feeling and physical reaction. Today I was intimate with my boyfriend and needed lube because I couldn’t get wet, and afterward I spiraled badly. My brain keeps telling me this means I’m secretly lesbian or in denial, even though I love my boyfriend deeply and want to be with him. I’ve also done compulsive “testing” in my head before with imagening women during sex and getting sensations down there and then spiral even more. I guess I’m asking if anyone else with SO-OCD has experienced anxiety affecting arousal/lubrication or making intimacy feel like a test instead of something natural. How do you stop obsessively monitoring yourself during intimacy? Also what can I do regarding my arousal? Thank you 💗

I tested my self against my better judgement. I observed my reaction and realized that it’s an “imitation” of what I desire. After testing, I acted out my actual desires in my head and it felt good and got a reaction.

However, what scares me is what if my reaction to my desire carried over from my testing. I checked myself after testing and didn’t find a reaction, but just from imagining the sensation of what I desire I got a genuine only some minutes after I tested myself.

for context I struggle with hocd, rocd and moral ocd)
Long story short my girlfriend knows that I struggle with ocd and is very supportive tho she doesnt know any of my themes and only found out about one of them - hocd - yesterday when I finally decided to tell her. Like a lot of people with hocd, I often check my reaction to different categories of explicit content as a compulsion (I know compulsions are bad for ocd and im trying to stop). During telling her I also told her about this specific compulsion - however I made it extremely clear that in no way am I viewing such content for the sexual/arousal side of things - rather 100% as a sad scary compulsion which I hate doing - and in general went into extreme detail differentiating this compulsion from regular viewing (I also very rarely use content involving girls and instead use content involving men as my compulsion - I also told her this). Upon telling her this she explained to me that she was upset with the fact that I view this content - despite her saying that she understands it isnt in an intentional sexual way - rather as a compulsion. She was crying about it this morning to me and is overall very upset by it - tho she has said her upset isnt toward me and she understands what I said - but its just the fact that I view explicit content in our relationship that upsets her and the fact I have seen it etc. This has made me very stressed, upset and confused.

I would also like to preface that my gf is an amazing person and is very thoughtful and she would hate to cause me any upset - however I just cant help but feel slightly hurt, a bit invalidated and also slightly triggered (rocd and moral ocd wise - 'am I an awful person for this compulsion?' etc) by how upset she is and how she is viewing it more objectively as 'my bf views explicit content' rather than understanding it for what it is - given that she isnt at all ignorant to ocd and how it manifests as she has struggled herself with it and I also often talk to her about it and how much I struggle with it. The main reason I have come onto here is because given everything and all of my themes I cant seem to form a rational opinion that isnt warped by stress, guilt, ocd etc

Given this info my question is- is her reaction completely justified and almost to be expected or is she in the wrong to a degree and or she should be more understanding and not visibly upset or hurt by this info- despite me going in depth into how the compulsion manifests.
- sub question out of genuine confusion- is the fact i occacionaly have to watch p0rn as a compulsion to test atraction- still actaully an awful thing to do in a relationship despite the fact i have ocd and given the p0rn rarely involves girls? (I am getting a therapist to start recovery very soon)

I’m just so fucked. I can’t find peace. I can’t find peace and I’m so annoyed. I’m so so annoyed. And exhausted. And tired. But exhausted isn’t stopping the panic. I can’t believe it I’m so tired of going back and forth thinking I’m in denial, at this point I just kinda know I’m not but the intrusive thoughts are so weird.

​

Hey guys, in this post I will explain how fake attraction actually works. in my other post I didnt really add all the details.

Please use this as Your sign to allow uncertainty and do ERP. And not trying to figure out what it means.

And this post is all fact based I did my study on how everything works with HOCD. _____________________________________________________

HOW FAKE ATTRACTION ACTUALLY WORKS.

IMPORTANT FOR ERP.

So let's point a few things out. That many people actually don't talk about.

First of all, you can find the gender you don't desire good looking. Or having a nice style.

See my dad. Once said, "He's a good looking dude" and my dad isn't gay. And the same for my mom I showed her a girl once I talked with, and she said, "She's a beautiful girl." >!It is called admiration !<

This is very normal. The thing that makes it weird Or feel like attraction is because our brain sees The gender we don't desire as fear. Because remember how HOCD started with anxiety?

So our brain automatically zooms into them and hyperfocuses intensely on them. Without you even noticing So that is why you might notice their details sometimes more."

Need an example? Here

Imagine you were scared of spiders. Your brain will then focus and zoom in on them, making Them bigger and scarier then they are. it is a scientific fact. Scientists have proven it. anyone wondering. With HOCD it is just a bit different it is hyperawareness.

On top of that, HOCD labels it automatically as "Attraction," making it even feel more real. _____________________________________________________

FAKE ATTRACTION DOESN'T EXIST.

Let me explain before you get stressed. Or panic.

So fake attraction isn't just one in one it is actually separated.

"So what do I feel then if it isn't fake attraction?"

So first, your brain is very anxious when it sees the gender you don't desire. It could be anxiety.

Yes, and you might not feel the anxiety cause. Your brain already got used to the anxiety. So basically anxiety + adrenaline and hyperfocusing make it more intense.

Notice how HOCD wants you to label every emotion and figure it out? I mean, you could feel adrenaline, and you would say, "Excitement is it because im changed??"

But they could also be normal emotions!!!

Yes, see HOCD. Makes everything weird or sexual. But you can actually feel emotions for the gender you don't desire without it being attraction.

Let me explain even deeper.

See, we have so many emotions we can feel nostalgic or a vibe. Or feel calm. Feel safe. Comfortable. Relaxed. An aesthetic. Admiration. And many more emotions.

HOCD Makes you think that you shouldn't feel anything for the gender you don't desire. Because otherwise it directly is attraction.

So not every emotion you feel is "attraction." Stop trying to figure out these emotions.

And how we do that is by ALLOWING UNCERTAINTY + ERP. Before HOCD, your brain was basically

Filtering these emotions. So that's why it automatically already had a labeling. And you didn't overthink it. But now you're trying to do all that by trying to figure out what it means.

So HOCD makes even normal emotions Feel like attraction by labeling and hyperfocusing.

That is why sometimes you have to allow uncertainty. Who knows what it means? You don't have to figure it out. It could mean 100 things.

Your brain will slowly find balance. And filter emotions Once you stop trying to do it. Since your brain knows what's up

"But why can't we feel it for the gender we desire?"

Because they became testing objects.

And our brain doesn't see them as fear, so it isn't So focused on them. Emotions should come naturally. We don't have to do anything. Even if you felt a tiny emotion for the gender you desire You would directly call it attraction or monitor it. "Does it feel good?" "What does this mean?"

Monitoring + trying to feel + stress + anxiety. Kills libido

if your brain thinks there's danger, it won't really worry about making you fall in love. Even sadness reduces attraction.

Daily Stress Kills Attraction.

And also, can we try normalizing that also not every emotion or feeling for the gender you desire is attraction? Stop labeling it.

You are killing natural emotions. Like I said, ERP + UNCERTAINTY Is the way to go. Soon you might feel for the gender you desire who knows if it is attraction or a normal emotion you don't know?

_____________________________________________________

So basically this is why doing ERP is important.

You allow uncertainty. You don't spiral about the emotions or what it means. And you don't try to figure it out.

So no, your brain just won't randomly create fake attraction emotions.

**We just call it "**fake attraction," but it doesn't mean it is. Fake attraction or attraction allow uncertainty.

And stop giving emotions labels. Or trying to figure it out yourself. This makes them stronger. Your brain knows which emotions are which. Let your brain do the job.

And sensations are just hyperfocusing + hyperawareness. That is why fake bonners happen or fake blushing. Or whatever happen. It

is temporary and easy to beat with ERP + allowing uncertainty. Who knows what it means? 🤷‍♂️ Do you need to figure it out? No.

_____________________________________________________

MY ADVICE IMPORTANT.

Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop waiting till your attraction comes back. Actually live your life if you see the gender you desire, well, just allow that you might not feel anything. Allow that it might not feel perfect.

Do the things you did before HOCD.

Stop waiting for everything to feel perfect again It will come on the way. It is always "I want to date when I fully recover," but that won't work since you're still waiting for that 1 feeling. It will happen naturally.

You don't have to feel perfect. And expectations should be lowered. Your brain needs time. And ERP is messy. You will have ups and downs. But it isn't like those downs will reset the progress.

"Will it end?"

It won't all end in one day. But it will reduce and reduce to a point that it doesn't affect you. This could be a phase. HOCD Isnt a forever disorder.

Keep living your life. Allow triggers. Allow emotions to say Whatever, don't label them or figure them out. Allow sensations.

Recovering from HOCD isn't as difficult as people make it. ERP rewires your brain in a way that your brain knows there isn't fear. And also, your brain is just having a bit of an error.

I recommended getting off this Reddit and subreddit. Most of these stories will Make you less motivated and more depressed. And more lost.

And remember doing ERP. is basically exposing yourself to triggers in your daily life and not running away from your triggers.

And please don't seek reassurance. You don't have to figure everything out. How more you seek reassurance How much more HOCD Will stay taking over your life. "Reassurances can backfire hard since HOCD is a doubting disorder it will create another doubt."

So remember, it doesn't matter what you feel in HOCD eyes it will always be proof of you changing.

And this may be my last post, or I will create a last one about my recovery story in the future. And HOCD isn't homophobia or whatever people say. 🤦‍♂️

I am a woman and I've realized that seeing men humiliating woman during sex arouses/excites me in some way. I don't get wet or anything but mentally it's stimulating? I feel like this is just arousal incongruence and I'm just a lesbian. I'm shit scated. I can't be straight if i enjoy seeing other women in pain during sex.

I used to think maybe i just liked watching it but i forced myself somehow to put myself in the position of the man and i liked it? This triggered my TOCD or what I hope is tocd, as well. I now feel like I'm a man trapped in a woman's body. I don't even feel panic anymore but I'm just sad.

When i imagine myself as a man i get this weird sort of feeling almost as if i like it. I got scared thinking tjis might be euphoria and googled how euphoria feels like and it said this warm feeling in chest and i feel like i felt like that. Whatever it said it's supposed to feel, i checked each time and i felt that exact thing?

It's over for me, maybe this was never ocd. Maybe i just forced myself to believe I have ocd. It's so unfair. I can't do this anymore i don't even feel like a girl anymore, dunno if i ever did

i feel rlly good rn ive been thinking about cute men a lot and ive been really happy abt that aspect however i noticed that a lot of this is not background noise these days… i feel like maybe the sun being out is helping for sure but yeah im doing good now and i hope u guys get to this point too :) <3

Scared to go, what if my thoughts are real? I need some advice

So it’s 45 minutes after midnight here, so this is today’s post since we only get one a day.

I feel like completely straight right now. Laughable to think that I was gay.

I was thinking things over.

I do not exhibit a pattern of attraction to men. I can’t enjoy their bodies. The one thing I compulsively do, is, is stare at their ass. But like as much as I’m like “oh I enjoy a big butt on a guy”, I can’t… the fact they are a guy kinda turns me off. Like a ridiculous amount. It’s nothing more than the fact they are a man.

And I was like oh am I deeply closeted? Am I in denial?

Dude, I think I just don’t like dudes.

Seriously. Just the fact it’s round and protrudes is great. But it’s not a woman, it’s just not. And I guess I don’t quite like girl butts as much. But I love the other stuff about women a lot more. Like, a lot a lot more. Snugglier, just the vibe. I was worried that meant oh maybe I’m trans or something but no, I don’t think so. Nervous that theme will come back but I like being a boy.

I’m realizing even bi-curious has at minimum a willingness to be with men. Like you kinda WANT it. Which is like, not there even a little bit for me. I wanted to opposite so bad. I felt I was freaking the fuck out because I was like “HOW COULD I HAVE TURNED GAY? I REALLY WAS 100% STRAIGHT.”

At most, I think I like, had an attraction to a specific body part and an obsessive fear of losing women. I mean I was watching Blair Witch today and kept staring at heathers butt.
I seriously think I just like a shape in butts that’s more common with guys than girls, but not really into it on men. Maybe partly? Like I don’t know. Them being ripped feels… strong. But I’m not turned on.
But I had been exposed so long the panic kinda faded and I like… I think I… I think I just fixing logic’d it.

I feel complete euphoria. I feel free right now. I bless this feeling will take you too.

This might not last. I have no idea, time will tell. But this is the most assured I’ve felt in some time, and I didn’t do any like reassurance seeking or compulsions, I just… feel good.

I feel legit good. Like no hidden shame, no denial guilt, I don’t feel in denial for the first time in a little while.
Sorry gay guy lurkers from queer subs that read this and think “aww what a shame” but I mean hey.

I don’t need like certainty certainty. I mean I guess something could change and I could call myself bi? But I don’t fret losing women.

——————
I am gonna remain in therapy.

1. who knows maybe this fades. Don’t care right now. If I get to be okay with uncertainty of the future in a bad way, I also get to be okay with it in a good way, maybe it won’t fade I guess I’ll find out!

2. I still have like, compulsions and shit. Like I’ll probably stare, I just think less of it now. Plus I have other themes.

3. my breakup has made me one sad feller. I actually want to work on myself and improve.
   She has no idea about this acc and shit. I promise it ain’t performative. I hope one day maybe I can win her back, because honestly, I feel more like me than I ever have in YEARS and I believe I have it in me!
   ——————

I also don’t believe I am a normal case. Say this doesn’t fucking fade, say I actually feel secure and cured, it’s not like I recommend:

“Hey guys. Just ruminate on it!”

No.
This has been years for me.
And your fears, the things you are afraid of, actually happened to me. And the intrusive thoughts were so common they stopped giving me panic.

I did lose the things. I lost my sexuality, the girl I was gonna propose to, and my sense of self.

I was left with seriously nothing. Nothing to lose.
So I was like fuck it; gay.

And you know what? I don’t like it. It doesn’t “work” for me sexually.
I think I’m just… a little fruity. Mostly straight, at WORST.

If this fades, I’m gonna remember that I was blessed to have this. Better than reassurance; confidence.

If you've seen my other posts, I've been struggling with HOCD for close to a year now. I have periods of complete clarity and feeling completely normal, which makes getting triggered later much much worse because it feels more like denial - like I'm noticing something and choosing not to accept it.

It happened to me earlier today when I was going through Instagram and I had arousal and feeling nervous and everything, the whole ten miles, but no anxiety. It was like it felt good.

For anyone that is close to or has recovered is this something you went through? How did you deal with it?

I have major commitment issues, I’ve only dated once and it ended quickly because I suddenly panicked and broke up with him. Everytime I try to date a guy I get extremely anxious and I just want to run away. This has made HOCD horrible, because it makes me think I must be a lesbian because of this. I am terrified to kiss a guy, and I get anxious and back out at the opportunity, even though it’s something I want, I also over analyze everything about a guy I liked body (I felt horrible). I would get anxious when the guy I liked took his shirt off maybe because he wasn’t conventionally attractive. It’s just hard to figure out what I’m attracted to and this has made HOCD so hard because I feel like I should be able to tell when I’m attracted, or why can’t I just date someone. Anyone relate?

my fears are real. yes, i deal with everything that pops up on this subreddit. i get all the intrusive imagery, comulsions, spikes, freak outs, everything. But there’s more. before ocd i watched. a lot of porn that was about trans content and occasional gay porn. i even went on threads occasionally for questions about masturbation and the stuff the guys were saying aroused me. i even put stuff up my butt like cucumbers and recorded myself masturbating and watched myself in the mirror and got off to it. i wouldn’t really question orientation because people would say it’s just porn. but it still messed me up because it was probably the most arousal i’ve ever felt. i just came across a thread that says a guy would record himself riding a. dildo and i found that super arousing and it made me wanna masturbate. i wanted to go back and read the thread again. i got an intrusive thought of me doing something with him and im pretty i liked it or atleast got aroused to it. i wanted in that moment to say i was bisexual because what gay stuff is taboo to me and can get me off. i’m not the same as other so-ocd people. even before OCD when i was identifying as straight, trans girls made me uncomfortable, so did dildos, and gay guys. and i did question orientation before ocd because of the stuff i said but i decided no at the time. this is not just ocd. i get aroused to gay content. I am the exception. what do you guys think?