u/ak111isdabestttt

i feel like im spiralling all the time. if im not thinking about whether or not im attracted to girls, im reviewing my memory or checking if im aroused by girls. I saw a couple of videos that said lesbians are more common to have ocd, and saw a video where people realised that they didnt just have intrusive thoughts but also actual attraction. I am so terrified thats me. Half the time i feel like im convincing myself i dont like girls, and it doesn't even feel genuine or real. I spend hours to days figuring out if i like girls i see on the internet.

I was never homophobic, i was always open, and i never really liked girls like that. I had curious childhood experiences and did enjoy women focused erotica from the ages 10-12, but even during those times i only expressed desire in men.

i think its genuinely time to admit that im bisexual, like it just feels too real. i must like women, my thoughts genuinely feel too real. and i feel like im blocking my natural thoughts and i hate it so much. Before this, i barely even noticed women or thought twice about them. Ever since I'd discovered masc women, my ocd has flared up so much and i am so convinced i like them because they're conventionally attractive and masculine. Everything feels so real, and im so uncertain about everything. I cannot be straight, this is genuinely just impossible. I dont even know my own attraction anymore, every thing feels like such a lie.

I must be bi-sexual, even a person who had hocd who realised they were bi told me that I was. I feel like im just scared of change. I just want a break. I feel like I'm bi, i feel like bi is right for me, i feel like i have always been bi and im just lying to myself. what is stopping me from admitting it, and worse of all, what if i start doing erp and realise that i do like women. Everything just feels so wrong. I don't think i'm me anymore.

ive made so many posts but nothing makes sense to my brain except the fact that i must be lying to myself. i must be suppressing my attraction, i must be convincing myself i dont find them attractive because it feels too real and i feel like im just saying it to get rid of my anxiety. why do i do this, why cant i admit it, i might just be a self aware bisexual with ocd. i dont even know whats my voice and whats ocd.

i am so scared im sexually attracted to women, like i feel arousal all the time and i feel like i like it. And i constantly think about what i did when i was a kid, like i was aroused by lesbian or women focused porn when i was a kid and enjoyed watching it. i think when i read smut i focused alot on the womens reactions, even if i found the man hot and demanding. i genuinely do not think im straight, like i enjoyed fantasies with men, but i never was attracted to actual men, and like i was always scared of sex and thought that i never wanted to do it(truth be told i was insecure of my body) i always thought i would hve sex with a man, but like now i feel like im sexually attracted to women. do straight people even feel this?

half the time i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like masc women just to get rid of the anxiety, i feel like i do find them attractive and that i like love them in a way. i feel like im lying to myself all the time, and i hate it so much.

there was this woman whom i thought was a boy and found her hot. as soon as i found out that was a woman, i was like 'nevermind!" but what if that wasn't my natural thought? and then i started to spiral, and i feel like i still do find her attractive because well she lookse exactly like a guy.

someone w hocd themselves who later realised they were bi told that i was bi with a preference to masc women, this completely set off my ocd, to the point where i cant tell if im in denial or not.

furthermore, 2 days ago half asleep i had a thought that was like 'i cant believe i convinced myself i wouldnt like masc women if i saw them out on the street, like ofc i would, they're so attractive!" and then i felt calm and once i was concious i realised what i thought and immediately started to spiral and attempted to justify the thought.

i dont like masc women, i dont think i have ever (except for a girl dressing up like a guy and i found that hot when i was like 10-12 ish). my brain thinks im bi, i think im bi, i bascially have to be.

i am also convinced my therapist thinks i like masc women

what do i do? i cant trust myself, i am always anxious, and im scared if i stop doing the compulsions my natural attraction and thoughts will come true and it will all come true. i keep reading stories of people who realised they were bi later on, and it sounds like me and i had lots of childhood curiousity stuff going on too.

half the time i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like masc women just to get rid of the anxiety, i feel like i do find them attractive and that i like love them in a way. i feel like im lying to myself all the time, and i hate it so much.

there was this woman whom i thought was a boy and found her hot. as soon as i found out that was a woman, i was like 'nevermind!" but what if that wasn't my natural thought? and then i started to spiral, and i feel like i still do find her attractive because well she lookse exactly like a guy.

furthermore, 2 days ago half asleep i had a thought that was like 'i cant believe i convinced myself i wouldnt like masc women if i saw them out on the street, like ofc i would, they're so attractive!" and then i felt calm and once i was concious i realised what i thought and immediately started to spiral and attempted to justify the thought.

i dont like masc women, i dont think i have ever (except for a girl dressing up like a guy and i found that hot when i was like 10-12 ish). my brain thinks im bi, i think im bi, i bascially have to be.

i am also convinced my therapist thinks i like masc women

i have so-ocd and i feel like im the exception. i used to have an obsession where i was constantly worried i was forcinng my crush and that i didnt like him, at the end i realised i didn't like him and i was probably forcing my crush because of the ocd.

moving on, im scared that my so-ocd is right, that i do like women, that i am sexually attracted to them and that i will end up being bi. When i was 10 i used to watch p0rn that was heavily female focused and i got aroused, i had alot of curious childhood experiences and i think i liked them. im scared im lying to myself about certain things.

i am also so so so scared im attracted to masc women, but i think i am but im just not admitting it. i feel like i convince myself i dont like said person even if they're like most attractive, super duper masc and u cant tell the difference between a boy and them. i just feel like i have to find them attractive, and i probably do and for some reason im not admitting it cause it just makes me so anxious. and even if i do admit, i feel super calm and then it feels like its real. i feel like i wouldve found them hot in the past, that i do find them hot and i get these feelings and i have to pick out flaws from their face to like justify my argument for not liking them which is SO denial. Plus, SOOCD is a condition where it can be true, ive seen alot of people say they realised they were bi from this, and ive had someone personally tell me that they think im bi with hocd. i mean i align with their experience, i once spent a week trying to figure out if i was attracted to this girl or not, and im still scared. and, the fact that i cant even admit that i probably do find girls hot, i cant tell if thats my anxiety or not but still, i just must be in deep denial. maybe im just like a self aware bisexual person with ocd. i feel like ive already accepted it but i just cant like accept it? i dont know

now im so scared that all of this is true, and i feel like the compulsions are protecting me somehow, even though its making me go insane. i dont know whats real and whats not real, all i want to know is that i am straight. but then none of these experiences match with being straight and i feel like i am going to end up being bi at the end of this, and im so so so scared that this is going to end up being true and that this is my intuition.

i cant stop seeking reassurance, i am genuinely going crazy. i just need advice anything please. i know this is reassurance seeking, but for me this is a cry for help because nothing is helping. i just want to be attracted to men and only men. i just feel so alone, i feel like i am truly the exception and i dont have the same experiences as some people.

i have so-ocd,and one of the biggest triggers are masc lesbians. I am honestly so scared im attracted to them because they look masculine and manly, and they look good, so it must mean i like them. I feel like im lying to myself about not liking masc women, i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like them, i feel like im going to end up like those people who figure out they're bi with hocd. I desperately dont want to like mascs, but im at the point where i geuninely dont know if im attracted to them or not! Like i used too, and now i dont. And ive seen some that look exactly like men and they freak me out and trigger me.

I am so scared and i dont know what to do, i feel like my ocd is like preventing me from liking masc women and that i wouldve found masc women hot back in 2024, which i dont think i would have. but im so scared, im so scared all the 'fake attraction' feelings are real, im so scared for everything. I really dont want to be bi, lesbian or anything i just want to be me and like men like I always have.

And I saw someone with HOCD who ended up being bi tell me that they spent hours trying to convince themselves that they weren't attracted, which sounds like ME!! Like i get intrusive thoughts and i tell myself that i dont like them and then i look for flaws that make the argument justifyable and then i get scared that i like them. Once i spent a week trying to figure out whether i liked this girl or not, but what if it was just me convincing myself?

One of my biggest triggers is masc women, esp since I like men, and masculinity, why shouldn't I like a masc woman? I am so scared im compulsively suppressing my attraction, and that there is an ocd convincing im straight and im believing it. I saw a masc woman, got scared i like her, then she started to look extra good, and then i got more anxious and then decided i find her hot. i must be bi, i must be suppressing my attraction for women, i just must. when i looked at her, i couldnt even look at her properly, i was so scared of finding her hot, but i literally thought 'oh my god shes looks so good, what if i like her' and then i couldnt even reassure myself to say i dont like her. and then i was so uncertain because i didn't know if i liked her or not. This all has to ebe denial right? I never thought of masc women at all, i didn't even think of masc women like that at all. but what if i did? i feel like i did but i know i didnt. every time i see a good looking masc woman, i get so anxious, the masc woman looks extra 'masc' and then i feel like i like them. I hate it so much, i miss when I used to see them as normal human beings that i didn't care for. I dont know if i like her or not, i dont think i do, but what if im convincing myself. i dont want to be bi, i dont want to date women, i dont want to date a masc girl, i dont even want to find masc girls attractive like at all. im so scared that every time i find a guy attractive its secretly a girl and i like her. im so scared im compelling myself into suppressing my attraction, like i try to seek out flaws and use that to justify why i dont like them, thats is the most denial thing EVER! i must like women, i just must like them.

i really dont know what to do, i dont want to be bi. but im so scared. i just need something anything. i feel like this with every single masc woman i see, i feel like i try not to like them and i hate that so much. i genuinely don;t know anything about my attraction at all anymore, i was so confident i didnt like women in general but now i dont know. if feel like if i didnt have ocd, i probably wouldve found masc women attractive but i dont know im so scared

I am so deeply terrified im suppressing my attraction compulsively and im actually queer. Im so terrified of what i did when i was a kid, i was just curious. I am so scared i like women, im so scared im trying to stop my attraction. I am so scared of everything. I dont think im bi, but what if i am and im lying to myself, what if these thoughts about me liking women are true and they're my thoughts but since I get so much anxiety from them, i try to stop feeling it through compulsions.

I think i just have to be bisexual, cause i think i have thoughts and then i get anxious and then i try to prove that i didn't like the person or whatever and test myself to see if i like them. WHICH IS WHAT MANY BI PEOPLE WHO FOUND OUT THEY LIKED THE SAME SEX DID.

Like if i think "Oh my god that woman's so hot" or "omg that woman has so much potential to be masc" my brain gets so anxious and then starts completely spiralling. Like "what if im gay, what if i like her, what if im lying to myself"

Something is going wrong with me, i dont know what. I am so anxious, and i truly hope that this is another spiral. but i think i know its not. I just have to be bi, i mean im literally stopping myself from feeling attraction to women which is horrible. And, i always try to justify my thought the moment i had it, like if i had a 'gay' thought i say its because of ocd or ocd has controlled my brain, or this doesn't mean im gay BRO. i must be queer

Like i remember me and my friends were talking about catboys and then i didn't think i was into them but i got aroused at the thought of them. and I said "50/50 i guess i am" but then after that i got really anxious because "omg what if im into catboys" and i dont want to be into them nor do i want whoever to wear cat ears when im doing it with them, But then i was aroused at the thought of them and i think i enjoyed it too. Whenever i want to deny something, i just get like an anxious feeling to it, which makes me think its real.

Ugh i dont know whats going on, can someone PLEASE help me, i dont even care for reassurance i just want help

Is anyone kind of like scared to do their ERP cause they're scared that they might end up being their feared orientation? I'm so deadly scared im going to end up liking women, because not a long while ago a guy who had HOCD told me I was bi myself. it feels like all my childhood experiences point to queerness, and i feel like im lying to myself in a way?

Anyways, no reassurance would be great but i'm wondering how to get over that fear? I obviously want to be who I am without this ocd on my back? I don't know, i just don't want to think about my childhood because im scared theres going to be a secret memory that i unlock that will make myself realise im gay or im scared im suddenly going to realise im queer or whatever.

when i was 5-6 yrs old, there was this girl downstairs that i always used to play with. I was an only child, so she was really my only source to entertainment. I considered her my bestfriend at the time, and got really sad when she moved away. We used to be very curious together, like i used to be the boyfriend, she used to be the girl, we used to rub our bare bellies together and act like it was sEx. The whole time i thought she was my good friend, but i'm worried that I had a secret crush on her. I don't think i did, but it feels like i felt something for her. It feels like i liked her. I mean i thought she was pretty, and cute and i had this habit of idolising all my friends when i was younger. In reality i think i thought she was my bestfriend, but im so scared i liked her. I desperately hope I didn't.

Ever since I got diagnosed with HOCD, every crush ive had on a man feels so obsessive, and it's probably limerence. I don't know what to do, cause I feel like i can't have a normal crush anymore. I want a boyfriend because i am a human who craves love, and i also kind of want a distraction from the anxiety. But lately ive been noticing, every one of my crushes feels like limerence, i can't stop thinking about random men, and i want to do something, but i keep ruminating on it, or stalk them. and i want to stop thinking about them but i can't and it causes me so much anxiety.

Will I ever be able to face love?

I can't tell what are my real feelings, and ocd anymore. Like, before i used to be super anxious and like know i would never like this person, now i have no idea? I'm numbed or i do feel something. Like, there is this girl (whos slightly on the masc side) that im friends with, never ever thought of her in any way, and now ive started to spiral because what if i like her, and then suddenly she started looking extra good and now i think i like her. This happens with everyone, this happens with boys even that i don't want to like, this happens with masc girls, happens with girls in general. I feel like i have to be attracted to girls, i mean it feels that way anyways!

I feel like I already am bi, and i feel like im only making excuses. I am so scared and i don't know whats wrong with me. i just don't want to like girls masc, fem or anything in between. I just want to be me.

I'm relatively new here, and I have pretty severe OCD but I've been having these weird thoughts that are very aligned with magical thinking. So, whenever I want to do something, or I do something, my brain just thinks a random thought like ‘no its never gonna happen’ and then i get like anxious in a way or i try to counteract that thought by saying it will, but it always ends up happening. I feel like its my intuition, but i don’t know. I spiral pretty hard afterwards. It tells me some pretty sad things, and in the future im scared it'll come true. I'm pretty spiritual myself, and believe in LOA, subliminals and everything but still. One of my pretty spiritual friends told me it was, but I desperately don't want it to be, and I also don't want to spiral so someone pls!!

So-OCD, is such a sticky condition, and in order to heal I desperately need help understanding the cycle more. Although, I do have to say, I am currently in a very very bad spiral where I am convinced i am queer, and that im in deep denial!

I realised that when I think my thoughts, they're not necessarily intrusive? Like today i was thinking of obsession, and i thought 'i would break the spell' immediately alarm bells went off, and i started to feel very anxious. I was asking myself 'why would you think that, do you like her? do you want to be the man? this must mean your gay!'

Similarly, masculine women are a big trigger for me, but I thought one was kind of hot(i think, i keep checking and i think i dont find her hot, but the more i look at her, the 'hotter' she gets, and im scared it means something about me. I feel like my real desire is coming up, and i am so confused. I was so scared I like her, and i feel like i have to say she isn't hot when I say she is because it feels so anxious. I don't personally think I find her hot (i think im reassuring myself), but i am scared im hiding attraction. so many queer people who found out after their so-ocd episode told me they compulsively tried to prove that they were not attracted, and i feel like thats me. I feel like everything I think and do is because of my ocd and I don't know which is what and im going crazy.

I personally don't think im queer, and i think im straight. But, at this point i just think im lying to myself more like i feel like i know, and i think im in denial.

Does anyone feel like their convincing themselves or lying to themselves about their attraction? I feel like i don't have intrusive thoughts, and my brain like panics over my syntonic thoughts. I feel myself actively lying to myself, and thinking of reasons why i would or wouldn't like something. I don't know if im confusing myself with this whole dystonic thought thing. I just feel like my ocd is completely real now, theres no way that this is intrusive

For eg: I was fantasising about this guy texting me and i had this thought 'what if you only want him to text you, cause you want attention' and then i started to panic, and started to explain 'nono! I want to get to know him, be curious' and then i stopped. Because I could feel myself try to look for reasons and explain to myself. I just wanted his attention, its not like i was going to do anything about it, i was just fantasising. But, I'm lying to myself.

I've seen many bi people who had SO-OCD at the start, and ended up bi say one thing; They always knew, and they spent hours convincing themselves that they weren't attracted to same-sex or opposite sex or whatever. I feel like thats me!! I once spent a week trying to prove i didn't like this one masc girl I saw on tiktok. I don't know what's going on with me, I thought all of this was intrusive thoughts, turns out its my real thoughts and I have no idea what's going on. Someone told me this was the denial part of ocd, where they have this feeling to undermine it and explain it as ocd. This also sucks because it MAKES SENSE TO ME TOO! I did so many things when I was younger, aroused to so many things and still considered myself straight. The normal straight people on this subreddit had a 'normal' childhood where they didn't have that much child curiousity and they didn't get aroused to like same sex material.

I feel like i've realised that I'm bi, but im not willing to accept it. I'm trying so hard, but it's so mentally draining. I don't want to be bi, i want to be who I was before this. But, I just have this feeling that i'm probably going to figure out im bi one way or another, and whenever I have this type of feeling its usually true too so i might as well just give up now. I hate ocd so much, and I feel like i'm losing my sense of self every single day.

I just want to be straight, but at this rate i know its impossible.

Over the past 2 days i've made many posts here, and still i'm like in the biggest spiral of my life.

I feel like I am bi-sexual, and it feels like i've realised that but i'm in deep denial about it, since I desperately don't want to be queer. I've been straight my whole life, but had a curious childhood regarding alot of same-sex material. I don't ever think i've liked women before, but it feels like I have. I am convinced that i am actively suppressing my attraction and desire for women or masc women like many of the people who realised that theyre bi in this subreddit, it has to be right? Or am i convincing myself that im straight and that im in deep denial? Someone that I previously dmed outside of this subreddit went through SO-OCD, and told me i was bi with a preference. I get that it isn't the same experience, but i feel like im convincing myself and suppressing my attraction.

I feel like I feel attraction for women, i KEEP CONFUSING masc women for men! I see a masc woman, think its a man, i find them hot or maybe think theyre hot, and then i find out theyre a woman and then i say 'oh nvm!" and then the thoughts start. Then, i try to convince myself that i don't find them hot, (even though i dont think i do, but im extremely scared i do and im scared im lying to myself). Now, women just completely remind me of men, before this never happened! I feel like my attraction has shifted. At the beginning i was scared of masc women, since they reminded me of men, mimicked movements id usually find hot on men. Now, it just feels like i like them, like even theyre faces look hotter, they look hot. They look exactly like men, so why shouldn't i like them. I'm getting more and more thoughts where its like i find them hot, and i panic and say i dont find them hot. So, what the heck is going on! I know for me i dont like masc women, but i feel like i do, and it feels like i do, and i feel like im just bi. I have to be right? And, whenever I see a conventionally attractive masc, i literally look for reasons not to like them. THAT HAS TO BE SUPPRESSED ATTRACTION, IT JUST HAS TO.

Above all else, i feel like im sexually attracted to women. I feel aroused by everything, and feel like i like women. I feel like i could get off to women! What i did when I was younger also genuinely distresses me so much. I feel like I have to be sexually attracted to women at this point. I remember seeing a video like today, and i thought 'this is very kinky' cause it was sexual in nature, but i was uncomfortable. But was it the OCD that made me uncomfy or me? I remember being aroused at looking at naked pics of female bodies when i was checking to see if i was aroused. I remember when i was 10 and used to watch erotica, i used to be aroused by lesbian p0rn, and female focused p0rn.

I feel as if i'm in deep denial about this, this guy told me i had an ocd convincing me im bi, and one thats convincing me im straight! I am so scared that this is real, i just want to be straight. I think this whole HOCD/SOOCD thing is coming because im not good with change or something and also because my past themes have come true so this has to be true too right? I thought OCD was supposed to be ego-dystonic, i really wish i had another theme. Please someone out there, please help.

So, i think im bi. like ive accepted it and it makes sense. Yes im apart of the exception. I feel calm and happy i think but i still feel very anxious. someone told me im on the lgbt spectrum, i saw so many posts where people ended up bi and i relate. Everytime i saw a masc lesbian, i was so scared i liked her, and spent time convincing myself i didn't, therefore suppressing my attraction. I had so many childhood moments and i think i did like a girl when i was a kid. i used to get aroused to female p0rn and this all suddenly makes sense. I secretly want someone to prove me wrong yes, but this is probably who i am and i think im lying to myself if i say im straight.

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This is my zillionth post here. But, i feel worse and worse every single day. I feel like realistically i have to be queer, i've had so many experiences of being queer and i feel too 'weird' for me to be straight. I feel like I secretly had feelings for a girl when I was 6, but never said it out loud. I've seen so many people turn out queer after their HOCD, and i feel like i have a strong feeling thats me!!

I don't know what to do, I feel so depressed and scared every single day. Why is it so bad to be queer in my brain? Why couldn't I have a theme that was actually 'justified' for, like morality. I feel completely hopeless, and I don't think i can even love a man anymore. I don't trust myself, I feel like the OCD is helping me realise things. Someone out there help me and save my mind.

When I was a kid about 6 years old, i had a very curious friendship with a girl. We used to do 'sexual acts' together, rubbing against eachothers bare stomach, kissing on the cheek, going on top of one another(my heart used to start beating faster). And, I think i did enjoy it, and we used to play husbands and wives and i was the husband, And, i remember thinking she was pretty or prettier. But, I remember only thinking of her as my bestfriend, nothing more than that i think.

Present day and age, i identify as straight and have only really liked males. But, I have SO-OCD, and worried that im secretly queer and in denial. I'm scared i liked that girl, i'm scared i enjoyed it too much, i'm scared im lying to myself.