SAHM but boyfriend hardly helps?
Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post this but I need some advice/insight.
My boyfriend is a first year plumbing apprentice and works 6am-2pm (currently with a 1 hr 45 min commute both ways). So he leaves around 3:45 and gets home around 4. While he’s working I am solo parenting. When he gets home, our baby (4 month old little girl) has usually just finished a bottle, plays for a little then takes a cat nap before bath & bedtime at 7:45.
My issue is that when he gets home, he obviously wants to shower first.Then eat. Then decompress/relax. Then it’s 7:45 and because he leaves for work so early he insists he must go to bed. Our baby sleeps through the night about 90% of the time but when she does rustle I’m the one who has to go put her pacifier back in her mouth and make sure she doesn’t fully wake up.
I understand he is doing a lot for us in order for me to be able to stay home with our daughter but I guess I assumed I would not be solo parenting 24/7, that’s what it feels like at least.
I do bath and bedtime routine every day except for when my mom comes to visit/help. I do almost every feeding and diaper change and contact nap during the week as well. When he gets home he maybe will change a diaper or two and play with her (more like just sit on the floor while she plays near him)
On the weekend he helps slightly more but still insists on napping for 2-3 hours at a time per day “because his body needs to rest for work during the week.”
Am I being ungrateful and an asshole for wanting him to do more? I understand he’s working hard outside of the home but I just feel like besides paying the rent he isn’t much help parenting wise and it’s driving me insane because I pictured it to be much different before our baby was born.
Any tips on what to implement to make us both feel seen? Anyone been in my shoes before? Any blue collar dads that can chime in and give me the make perspective here?
TLDR: Boyfriend works a lot during the week so isn’t much help parenting our 4 month old. On the weekends he insists on needing rest for the week so also isn’t much help then. AITAH?