r/stayathomemoms

My husband lost his job a little over two months ago. He’s a software engineer and he was fired because he wasn’t complying with his company’s in-office requirement. He continued to work from home even when mandated to go back to the office. He doesn’t qualify for unemployment because his non-compliance was documented. We have a beautiful 3 year old. His birthday is coming up this summer. I normally throw him a wonderful party with cool decor in whatever theme he wants. We ordinarily spoil him with lots of gifts for his birthday, too. We probably won’t be able to afford it this year. I hope to be able to still at least make his cake, as I do every year.

We don’t have any family support. Savings are dwindling and I’m not sure what to do. I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Prior to my husband losing his job, I was working on finishing my degree in order to apply to grad school. All of that is on hold now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to pick up where I left off. I signed up to donate plasma so I can hopefully buy myself some new clothes that fit me, and start saving to be able to give my kid the birthday he deserves. I feel like a horrible mother.

My friends hardly ask to hangout (they know I don’t have money to do things anymore). I’m isolated and lonely. The job search is looking more and more bleak with each week that goes by. I’m so mad that I trusted him, I feel like a moron. I grew up in poverty and thought I was past this. When my husband and I got together, he assured me he would provide a safe and secure environment for me a to pursue my dreams. I was doing really well on my own, and now look at me. My family is on its way to losing everything. I feel like I failed and I have no one to turn to. There is no life raft. That’s all.

I'm struggling with some mom guilt. I am a stay at home mom and my daughter is 10 months old. I love watching TV while my daughter plays but kids shows bore the hell out of me. Right now I am watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Obviously, this is not age appropriate. She does glance up at the screen from time to time but doesn't watch, even if we do have a kids show on. I am big on independent play, so this happens for 2-3 hours per day (split into 3 or 4 different play sessions depending on that day's schedule and plans). Of course I am always keeping an eye on her too, and she plays right in front of me while I sit on the couch. I do plan on putting kids shows on as she gets older and actually starts paying attention to what's playing on the screen.

My problem is that I am feeling guilty for watching a show that isn't truly appropriate while she does her independent playtime. Is this valid? Or am I completely overthinking? I know it could be worse, it's not like I'm watching a violent or scary TV show, it's just drama. But I need the opinions of some other mommas to know for sure if I am just way overthinking it.

I (42f) have been married to my (43m) husband for 15 years. Things are decent enough, but I'm just so exhausted all the time and I am trying not to fall apart at the seams or feel utterly done or disgusted by a lot of things.

For context, I met my husband online while living in a toxic environment and moved down to meet him, and see if maybe I needed a change of scenery in order to grow. We had a whirlwind romance and married a little more than two weeks after I moved. We've a total of four kids. The older two are adults (23tm and 19nb) and mine from previous relationships, while the younger two are with my husband (12m and 6f). It's been... interesting to say the least. I've been a stay-at-homemom for almost 13 years now and it's slowly killing me.

I have undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and more than likely some other neurodivergent issue; have had them for many years but have never been able to afford diagnosis, treatment/therapy, and/or medication. My husband knew this from the beginning, but was incredibly dismissive then. That should have been a red flag for me, especially when he was dismissive to my OB/GYN about why I was crying when in for a routine checkup while pregnant with our youngest, but after having left a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship and environment (and still struggling with the trauma of it), I ignored it. He's gotten a bit better about it and occasionally stays home rather than working overtime shifts to take care of the kids.

Over the years, I've just felt like things (mostly me) just don't matter any more. Sure, my husband isn't as dismissive of my depression or mental issues (no longer tells me that it's in the past or to get over it), but I'm trying to not feel increasingly disgusted by how insensitive he is to social issues surrounding women, or how he subconsciously objectifies/sexualizes me, namely when he comments on my body or gets obviously disappointed when I turn down his advances or tell him I'm not in the mood when he asks.

For me, it's a bit of a turn off to be asked especially when I'm having to make decisions for everyone in the house, be our kids' braincell as the 19 and 12 year old apparently love to weaponize incompetence, take care of the errands, chauffeur-ing, and make sure the pets don't starve... I really don't want to have to make decisions for my husband. The other turn off is that he just doesn't read the room, fails to notice the mental load I carry, or keeps forgetting to take into consideration that it takes more than a breeze to put me in the mood.

I gave up my old life, everyone and everything I knew before my marriage in hopes of a better life. I didn't realize how isolating it would be, especially given how narcissistic and hypocritically classist my husband's family is. They only reach out to me if they need something from me, otherwise it's my husband that they talk to (almost on a daily basis). My own family is disjointed at best or completely estranged and cut ties with at worst. And the worst part is that we live on his family's property, out in what feels like the middle of nowhere with everything being at least a 30 drive away with the nearest neighbor is a good 10+ minute walk. I have no friends here and less than a handful of friends that I had before moving still keep in contact with me.

Honestly, I'm just so exhausted by everything, everyone and life that on somewhat decent but still exhausting days I feel numb. Others, I want to walk away and disappear, but I end up feeling dejected because I haven't the money or means to do so. And on my bad days, I just don't want to exist any more, feel like my kids would have turned out better if I hadn't existed, that the world would be better without me.

Logically, I know that isn't true... or that people will say that isn't true... but I just... I'm tired. The people who I knew 100% without a doubt to care and love without conditions, without strings attached or ulterior motives, who were honest without being cruel and were true to themselves unfortunately passed away (the first when I was 13 and the last was about a year ago). So, it's hard to feel like anyone cares, that I matter or have made any kind of difference in anyone's life.

Hello everyone. I have a daughter. She would play with me but also was very independent and would play alone a lot. I could do things around the house and get back to spending time watching and playing with her. For example I could do dishes and she would play in the water next to me. I could fold laundy in her room and she would play in the room. As she gets closer to 3 she has become way more demanding. Granted she also gained a brother 6 months ago. He is clingy but for a long time she didnt care, I would still play with her and she didnt mind playing while I had her brother.

About a week or two ago she has decided she needs entertained by me or her dad constantly. She no longer wants to play on her own. So all we hear is play with me, play with me. I do want to say she is not neglected or ignored, we spend hours with no phone time playing with her and doing things together. She gets about 2 hours devoted time to her and her only with both parents and individual time daily. She is even demanding us to play with her while we are playing with her! She would understand that we have other things we need to do first and she would be ok to go play alone until we were free. Now she just sits wherever I am and demands us to play while we are doing other things.

I love her, I love spending time with her but I am trying to do other things and Im getting very burnt out on her needing live entertainment 24/7. Is this a phase? What can I do because giving everything I can is still not enough for her.

Is it wrong of me to just ask family to just give some money so I could put it towards a bigger gift instead? I have a 4 and 2 year and by now they have all the toys in the world and I’m struggling with giving my family ideas for them. I’m thinking of just telling family members to just all chip in so money so I can buy a play couch for my son’s birthday. Is that wrong of me? How do I go about telling them that’s what I want to do? I don’t want to come off as rude

hi everyone,
I'm a Sahm to a wonderful baby girl, and I wanted to see if anyone has any advice for sahms who have husbands in the military. My husband goes off to bootcamp tomorrow and it might sound silly but I've cried multiple times already. We've done long distance before but this just seems different now that we're married and have a baby. anyone have any advice? much appreciated 💗

Hi all! I’m a stay at home mama to three littles ages 6.5, 4, and 22 months. We homeschooled our daughter for kindergarten this year. I’m gonna be honest, it was a freaking struggle. Between my 22 month and 4 year old, there is constant interruptions and noise.

Selfishly, I know that if I send my oldest and my middle to school this coming school year, I’ll have a lot more time for myself and for other mom tasks. Right now I feel spread thin and I hold so many positions (mama, teacher, house cleaner, etc..).

In my heart, I know that I want to protect my kids from this cruel world we live in. I can’t shelter them for forever but I can maintain their innocence for as long as possible. I’m scared for anything bad to happen to them. (Can you tell I have anxiety?) I feel like I just need to suck it the heck up and continue on with homeschooling but part of me longs for a much needed break.

I’m not a fun mom. I try my best to be but I’m so overwhelmed at the end of the day and I literally shut down. Between cleaning, cooking, teaching, taking care of the kids, I don’t have time nor the desire to do fun activities. I’m in constant state of arguing with my kids to clean up after themselves and I’m so dang tired of it.

I need to vent and I need advice.

Please send help🙃

I’m not questioning whether it’s right or wrong. I’m genuinely curious about the sociology psychology and philosophy behind the backlash.

Is it about financial dependency, the fear of losing autonomy if the relationship ends? Is it the invisible nature of the work, the fact that it’s unpaid and therefore undervalued by society? Or is it that many people take the role for granted, leaving mothers feeling unseen and disrespected which would be a legitimate grievance?

I personally have enormous respect for mothers who make this choice. But I suspect part of the hostility comes not from the role itself, but from how little recognition it receives.

What do you think is the core issue here? I am happy to read your opinion!

I’ve been at my job for 8 years but I am being let go. I have two kids, 5 and 21 months. My husband has a good job making about $100k+ a year but we live in a very expensive area and unfortunately, that might not be enough.

We decided that I can try to be a stay at home mom (while still searching for a job) but I’m getting very worried. My salary paid our mortgage and we used his for all other bills and we always had left over for ourselves/kids. I had already signed up my son for preschool in the fall not expecting to lose my job and I just don’t know how we’re going to do it all.

I’m just looking for your best advice on how you save money or even make extra money on the side.

Thank you all!

Just so grateful to be “summer” parenting finally here in the Midwest. What a difference it makes ❤️

Hi! I am not sure if this is the right group or not but, has anyone opened an in home daycare to stay home with their babies? I was home with my kids for a year before my husband got laid off. I since then have gotten a job and have been working for 8 months. I HATE my job, and I miss my babies ( I have a 4 year old and 2 year old). I am 13 weeks pregnant with our third and I am just so depressed. I’m already dreading returning to work after maternity leave and I’m not even half way through my pregnancy. I’m considering opening an in home daycare but my husband is not on board. We have plenty of space and pretty much all the things already. We have a great yard space etc. I guess my question is, had anyone done this and not regretted it?

Do you have any suggestions for how/where to walk with baby during the hot summer months? I love our stroller walks through the neighborhood, but I fear our days are numbered before it is to hot to safely do so. Do you have any advice or suggestions of places where we can stroll and get some exercise indoors?

I have never posted, so please excuse me if I mess up on explaining. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years straight, we have four kids under 6yo my husband works M-F at a factory, so I know he’s tired. But getting him to do ANYTHING around the house is a battle, he’ll make dinner sometimes but because he’s kind of picky when it comes to cooking things.

Well I got a part time job I just started about a week ago now and nothing has been done, my back hurts and I’m mentally drained, because he comes home and complains nothing is done. He said he’d help me once I started working, yes they’ve been 3 hours a day for training right now, and I know it’s not the same work as him. But I’m honestly getting sick and tired of having him around complaining about what’s not done and doing nothing to fix it. I want to leave I think… am I over reacting?

Ps. I could’ve missed detailed or some factors, please ask questions if needed🫶🏻

Ive been a stay at home mom for about a year now. My kids are older 9 and 6. But I have noticed myself slowly withdrawing from family and friends and I only interact with my kids friends parents when I have too. My husband works out of town a lot. It doesn’t bother me I don’t talk to people but now I can’t tell if I’m empty, a recluse, or lonely. I just feel weird and I can’t place any emotion. I have hobbies and i enjoy them most of the time but has anyone else ever experienced this?

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post this but I need some advice/insight.

My boyfriend is a first year plumbing apprentice and works 6am-2pm (currently with a 1 hr 45 min commute both ways). So he leaves around 3:45 and gets home around 4. While he’s working I am solo parenting. When he gets home, our baby (4 month old little girl) has usually just finished a bottle, plays for a little then takes a cat nap before bath & bedtime at 7:45.

My issue is that when he gets home, he obviously wants to shower first.Then eat. Then decompress/relax. Then it’s 7:45 and because he leaves for work so early he insists he must go to bed. Our baby sleeps through the night about 90% of the time but when she does rustle I’m the one who has to go put her pacifier back in her mouth and make sure she doesn’t fully wake up.

I understand he is doing a lot for us in order for me to be able to stay home with our daughter but I guess I assumed I would not be solo parenting 24/7, that’s what it feels like at least.

I do bath and bedtime routine every day except for when my mom comes to visit/help. I do almost every feeding and diaper change and contact nap during the week as well. When he gets home he maybe will change a diaper or two and play with her (more like just sit on the floor while she plays near him)

On the weekend he helps slightly more but still insists on napping for 2-3 hours at a time per day “because his body needs to rest for work during the week.”

Am I being ungrateful and an asshole for wanting him to do more? I understand he’s working hard outside of the home but I just feel like besides paying the rent he isn’t much help parenting wise and it’s driving me insane because I pictured it to be much different before our baby was born.

Any tips on what to implement to make us both feel seen? Anyone been in my shoes before? Any blue collar dads that can chime in and give me the make perspective here?

TLDR: Boyfriend works a lot during the week so isn’t much help parenting our 4 month old. On the weekends he insists on needing rest for the week so also isn’t much help then. AITAH?

My kids (2, 4) watch a lot of tv in the living room. For moms with kids over say 8 years old who also let them watch tv a lot when young, would you say it negatively affected them or is everything fine? Lol. I want to let go of the guilt around letting them watch kids shows/ movies when they’re home. We also do a lot of other things- everyday we do 1-2 of the following: library storytimes, playground, pool, splash pad, grocery store, play date, outside play at home, cook, clean, playtime inside, books…. But I let them watch tv in the morning when I’m getting ready, making dinner, rest time for my oldest when my youngest naps, and then maybe watch something together in the evening after dinner etc. so it adds up I’m sure. I’d like to hear that others don’t have a lot of limits around tv and their older kids are doing great so I can let go of the guilt. I try setting out play dough, art, just saying go play etc but they don’t play very long without me or end up fighting or doing something dangerous which leads to tv…

My daughter is 10 and attends public school- I have stayed home since she was born and there is really no return to work in sight ( unless of course we needed it for an emergency, but it's not in the plan) my husband works from home 100% if the time as well

I am educated and had worked professional.jobs prior to staying home.

He and I both have recently noticed when I tell someone I am a stay at home mom, they give me an odd look, when they know we have 1 school aged child.

For those of you that have older or grown children and are still SAHM what do you call yourself if someone asks.about your employment or anything?

At this moment I don't even volunteer anywhere,.so I can't say that!

I need some real talk, shared experiences, and genuine support. I’m AuDHD so please keep responses kind — negative comments genuinely affect my anxiety for days and I want this to be a safe space to share.
Here’s where I’m at.
I’ve had 5 promotions in 6 years without a college degree, managing chronic illness the whole time. I’ve been the breadwinner for the 10 years I’ve been with my husband. I’m good at what I do and I mostly enjoyed it. But I was driving 50 miles a day while my 4 year old keeps growing up, and it became completely unsustainable — constant chaos, no respect for hours contributed, and a bullying situation with a peer that HR refused to address. My body, my mental health, and my family were paying for it. Literally. Not only am I AuDHD, but I suffer from hEDS, spondylosis, SI Joint Dysfunction, POTS, and am in constant pain. Not little pain. Hard to move pain. 2 surgeries in 4 years pain.
My husband recently got a promotion that doubled his salary. We’re also in a place financially we’ve never been before — paid off all non-mortgage debt, finally have some breathing room after years of hardship including a natural disaster where we almost lost everything, and a long insurance battle we recently won.
We talked about it, a lot and for over a year. He’s fully supportive, not even surprisingly so. He’s amazing, and he’s everything to me. We’ve literally fought any battle in life you can think of, with each others love and support. Devastating things most couples never have to experience. There’s no doubt in my marriage. But I’ve been acting on fight or flight mode for too long. I’ve reached a level of burnout that I’ve never experienced before.
Now, after quitting, the panic is settling in. I know the moneys there, I know we can do it and still save money. But, wow… we could be so well off if I was bringing in that 90k that would basically go straight into savings. So there’s huge guilt. But there’s also the panic. And again, I’m autistic. So my brain is reacting how it knows how. I’m feeling all sorts of ways.
I’m keeping my daughter in daycare 3.5 days a week because she’s a social butterfly and I’m not taking that from her. But I’m not sure where to begin on EVERYTHING else.
What did you do first? What do you wish someone had told you?

The past 5 days my 4 month old has had a pretty bad cough and has had bad mucus and been really stuff and ive been experiencing the same symptoms as him. We woke up at 4am because I could tell he was having trouble breathing because of the mucus and his Nose being stuffy.

I simply got him up changed his diaper grabbed the Aspirator and the nose sucher to help him feel better. Came back to the room then played in bed with my son. He coughed a couple time then my Husband started to roll over and look at me a proceeded to tell me I need to take vitamins to help him out as much as my self then just stared at my while I was taking care of our son and didn't help me with him at all, then my Husband fell asleep.

I took our son and walked out of the room and walk to our sons room to continue to take care of our son.

In context I am a stay at home mom that lives in a very small town and the 2 nearby town are both 15 minutes away. Our nearest City is a hour.

I dont have friends or family near by so if I do go see them its me driving up to see them which is a hour away in SA, TX.

I feel I dont get enough help from my husband with our son. I understand he's working for our family, to make sure to put a roof over our head and more. Hes an amazing provider and im so greatful for him every single day. I am just having a hard time with him criticizing me about what I need to do when im doing my best every single day. I take care of our son do all the mothering things for him, take care of the house, cook dinner every night and still im not doing enough.

I barely been able to take care of my self because having a child is a full time job and it rare for me to be able to do things for my self like simply taking a shower, or eating a meal, brushing my teeth or hair. I am trying to prioritize my time and so I can do the simple things for my self. Its really hard to do so when I dont have help. My Husband help where he feels he can but the spane of time is 30 to 45 minutes until he finds an excuse to do something other then help me.

I feel so alone on this and I know Im probably not I am honestly just feeling so defeated at the moment. He criticizing me on what I need to do and more then proceeds to asked me what else I can do for our house and our child. I am kinda at a loss and definitely feeling alone.

Is it just me, or am I getting to much in my head about it?

Do you make your bed everyday? Curious how many grown ups do this. I would say I am a 50/50. Depends on the day, like if I still have a kiddo in my bed when I get up, or if my morning is just slow paced.