AITD for wanting to dance with a friend despite knowing that it'll make my flare-up worse and that my best friend would be the only one not dancing?
I (23F) was planning to spend the day at pride with friends despite being in a flare-up (I'm chronically I'll). What my best friend "Lena" (27F) and I didn't know was that our friends had plans to go to a music festival after a few hours. Lena and I went to my place quickly to grab some stuff and then meet up with the rest again for a short time. Well we didn't find the place they were at. Lena tried to look it up and didn't find anything, tried to call them and nobody answered. Finally after like 10 minutes I decided to try, planning on heading home otherwise. Within a minute I knew which place they had tried to describe us. Apparently I was pretty harsh when I told her.
Our friends were dancing and we just stood there watching for a while. Then "Elias" (34M) came over to us to drink something and asked me if I felt well enough to dance. I wanted to dance one song with him and then probably go home shortly after. Lena immediately got mad at me because she would be the only one left out. We fought until the song was over and there was a break. During the break I asked two of our friends (26F&27M) to show me the base steps of the dance since I didn't know them. Lena got mad again that I was dancing when I had said earlier that I wasn't feeling well. I told her that I wanted to stay to dance at least one song with Elias and that I don't care if I'll feel like shit tomorrow. My suggestion to try to learn the steps to be able to dance was ignored. Our friend group was chatting and Lena didn't try to participate in the conversation and took me aside after a while. We fought again and she left without saying goodbye to the others.
I stayed long enough to dance to 2 songs with Elias and 2 with strangers because Elias wanted to dance with his friends as well and I didn't want to stand around alone watching my friends.
I'm in pain and exhausted right now, which I anticipated. My health got so much worse during the last year and I'm still struggling with adjusting to it. I'm aware that dancing was irresponsible but it's something that makes me happy.
I feel bad about the situation but I'm also annoyed that it's often impossible to leave Lena alone for a bit without her feeling excluded. It feels like we just make things worse for each other at the moment.
(Edited because I noticed a bunch of grammatical errors and wanted to fix them)