r/1800Drama

The wedding is in a week and I could still fix everything if I am being a dick. Though I think the friendship is over

Growing up, I was very close friends with Ryan. Our family were closed friends and it was not uncommon for both sets of parents to tease us about being together. Examples asking when we would get together. It would be comments when we went out asking if they were dates. They referred to us as a couple. It was that type of thing.

We didn’t date and when we went to college we grew apart. I did have feelings for him, but after college he moved away to another state and it just didn’t happen. We mostly just send tic tome to each other.

He announced his engagement, and I knew it would never happen and I was okay with that. His wedding is going to be back home ( our home town area). My family is going the catering as a wedding gift. They are making the food for the wedding There is no contract, this was suppose to be a gift.

He called me yesterday and uninvited me to the wedding. He said his fiance is uncomfortable with me coming since they knows I had feelings for him.  She thinks I will do something to cause drama at fhe wedding. I told him I would never go that and I have literally never tried to cause problem in any of his relationships. I was still uninvited. 

I was upset, and told my mom what happened. My parent think it is bullshit and are now not going to the wedding. That means the catering is canceled.

My mom informed the couple and I got a call from Ryan who was upset. He called me petty for taking back the family’s gift when I was uninvited. That they don’t have time to get someone else or the money. That’s his fiance was right that I did want to ruin the wedding.

Was I over the line? Should I convince my family to do the food even if I am not invited. 

My husband and I have been together 10 years. I have two nieces though his sister, 14 and 9. Every time we visit them (very infrequent they are in another country on the other side of the world) we bring them little goody bags of Trader Joe's totes and cosmetics, lotions, etc. They love these bags and it brings me great joy to do this for them. The last time my husband went to visit he went alone. When he came back he told me we're going to need to start bringing 4 goody bags. My SIL has been seriously dating a man that has 2 daughters and he brought his daughters to the family dinner, and my husband said it was kind of awkward that the nieces were opening their goody bags in front of them and were empty-handed themselves. I told my husband I'm not putting time, thought, money and effort into two girls I have no connection to, have never met, and don't consider part of the family and he should be arranging a private meeting with his SIL and nieces where they won't be present if that's an issue. He kind of thinks I'm the AH, I can see where he's coming from (we have a son ourselves) but I disagree. AITA?

I'll do my best to keep this short, but I want to include all the context to be as fair as possible.

I (22NB) currently live with two friends from college, let's call them "Banana" (22M) and "Kiwi" (22NB). We lived together in our senior year, and when we graduated decided to move together to a city about an hour away. This was because both Banana and I were looking for work in that area, and since Kiwi has a degree that can find work anywhere (computer science), they didn't have a preference.

Since moving in together, things have gone downhill. It started with the move itself. I did all of the work to find us this place, including the initial search, traveling to tour the place, managing the deposit (which got lowered solely thanks to my credit, as my friends don't have credit), and negotiating the lease terms. Their reasoning was that I'm the one who knows how to do those things, and they don't (I did all of this for our last place, too). My family also did the bulk of the work to move us, including renting a van, cleaning our old apartment, and driving us, as Kiwi "forgot to ask their mom" for help (Banana's family lives across the country) and Kiwi cannot drive & doesn't have a car.

It's now been over 4 months. Banana found a job as a teacher, and he uses up all of his free time traveling back to our college city for fun, so he's rarely around to help around the house, aside from occasionally taking out the trash. Kiwi has done little to no work to find a job this whole time, saying they "just don't feel ready." They're clearly struggling with their mental health, but they refuse to get any help, even just going back to therapy, because "they're managing it on their own." I won't go into too many details for their privacy, but there have been times I've considered either calling their mom or wondered if they should go to the hospital. As for myself, my health has declined a lot (I have multiple disabilities and health problems), but I've still managed to find seasonal work.

I manage everything around the house, despite my limited physical capacity. I do most of the chores (dishes, cleaning, etc) as well as all the financial management. If I don't remind them, they will forget to pay rent. All the utilities are in my name, and they pay me back for their share. When I'm gone overnight, nothing gets done and I come home to a frankly disgusting kitchen. I finally put my foot down about groceries when I got on food stamps, and I refuse to buy them anything. Kiwi rarely ever leaves the house, even to go shopping. I'm pretty sure Banana buys all their food. They admit they spend most of the day either sleeping or scrolling on their phone. The one nice thing they do is begrudgingly feed my cats when I'm away. I deeply appreciate it, especially since they told me they don't expect to be paid. But there are times they've been angry at the cats for small things like jumping on the counter, and they will yell at them or even be physically forceful with them, which makes me uncomfortable.

I am exhausted and want to move out. Here's where the problem lies. We signed a 12 month lease, with me as the primary resident (since I'm the one with credit). If I move out, they would have to either split the rent between 2 people, so about a $400 increase for each of them, or find someone to sublet. Both of them have adamantly expressed that they don't want to sublet to a stranger, which I understand. The other option would be to somehow negotiate a lease break with our landlord and all move out at the same time (which will likely cost a lot of money). However, Banana has very little time to move because of his job, and I don't trust that they'll easily find a new place since neither of them have credit and one of them doesn't have an income (Kiwi's mom covers their expenses right now, but things are tight).

I feel bad for them, as we've been friends for years and I don't want to lose them over this. But the way it is now, we will end up no longer friends because of how they treat me. Since living here, I've been re-diagnosed with depression, and my care team is concerned about my health because of everything I take on for the household despite my condition. I should also mention that my dad, who helps me pay for my expenses, supports the idea of me moving as long as I can negotiate terms that aren't too expensive, and he has the same concern about my friendships.

I have someone to move in with, and I can afford the lease amendment fee, so it's really tempting to just get out now. I'm torn as to what I should do. Should I wait a few months for them to find a new place, and all move out at the same time, or should I bail on them and make them face the harsh consequences? I'm open to any and all advice.

TL;DR - my friends have been very disrespectful roommates, and my health has suffered as a result. I want to move out, but it would cost them a lot of money and potentially our friendship.

Hello there, so, I (24, Enby/Genderfluid) have a preference for it/its pronouns being used for me (in English too but in my first language (German) there's also the problem of not having an equivalent to they/them (that isn't neopronouns) that I like) but as I said it's not a fast-hard rule that it has to be those pronouns; I'm generally fine with any pronouns, although I would still like people to know my preference. So, WIBTD if I announced my preference for it/its pronouns, even though other pronouns are not technically wrong/misgendering to me?

I (22 NB) am planning a short, one-night trip to a town just under 200 miles away and I brought this up to my mum. I mentioned that the trip would be kind of expensive for me as I'm currently unemployed (I could comfortably afford it but I don't feel comfortable spending a lot of money right now without any income). She suggested that she could come along and split expenses with me on the condition that I help her de-clutter our house.

Our house has a lot of clutter and it's been an ongoing issue for years that it needs sorting out. I will admit that I'm not particularly motivated to help out (it's one of my least favourite things to do), but if she asked me to I would, because I acknowledge our joint responsibility to do it.

My issue is that she pretty much only ever suggests we do de-cluttering when I suggest a trip like this. She says it's because she feels she needs to offer me motivation to do it, but I feel like I can't look forward to the trips because I then associate them with a chore.

I've offered that we can do the de-cluttering, but I want it to be un-coupled from the trip (i.e. not a condition for going). She's reluctant to agree to this. Therefore, I'm wondering AITD for standing my ground.

For added context, in the past she has threatened to cancel trips we had planned (but not yet booked) because we hadn't done enough de-cluttering, and has taken a lot of convincing to let the trips go ahead.

Hello, peaches, Shaaba and Jaime! First post. Glad to share a story with you. Kinda hope I didn’t have to but I really need advice

Here we go

So, I (25 ) Closeted Trans woman, are disabled from birth, and due to health reasons I can’t take hormones , sadly,

Plus , my mom is always saying “ so glad you aren’t a girl, I wouldn’t have liked it “ , translation, my mother wouldn’t like having a daughter .
The problem is… I’m definitely a trans woman.

When I came out to my brother,
He went
“ you look like a boy, you are a boy”

Don’t judge em pls.
I’ve made peace with it,

The thing is. I Really want to do something to Look a little more feminine, at least face feminization surgery and being called my chosen name.

P. D : to be a part of my papa’s will ( no longer with us 🥺) I can’t even change my legal name ) I just want to be Treated Like a girl socially ) but I know they wouldn’t do that , once I’m able to live alone, not currently doing that. Would i be a bad person, a bad sister and a bad daughter if I did it in secret?

Thank you. I really appreciate your help

Sincerely, a motorized peach.

I am 19 (transm) and i live with my family which includes my parents, and my sibling (17 non binary). We live in the netherlands and my paresnt will be gone for a 4 days next week to go to france for their aniversry. I am currently not in school and unemployed because of my visa and therefore am home a lot. Last year my friends and bf could come over and stay untill like midnight as long as we were downstairs/doing near silent activites upstairs after my sibling went to bed. This school year my sibling said that a) i vould not have freidns over past 9 pm. For refernece the is a very wet country and it frequently pours for like 15-20 minutes at a time and my friends bike everywhere 98% of the time so. Even if it is pouring i still have to kick them out to bike in the rain evem if the rain will stop in a few minutes. B) my sibling has complete veto power over when i can have friends over. If there is a big assingment or test that week i just cannot have friends over that week.

So next week im getting a tattoo and i asked my friend who usualy comes over every week for a day for us to work on art things and teach each other, to go with me for comoany and because my tattoo aritst speaks english but nit quiet fluently and i dont want to sit in silence. Us making art very quiet activity, the loudest this gets is just a normal inside tlaking voice but is usually niether of us tlaking while we just work together. I told my parents that my friend was going to come over after and my mom said are you sure your sibling is okay with you having people over? I think i should be able to have my friend over in the house after my tattoo as long as he lesves by 9 pm. Which this friend has to because his meds make him sleepy. I dont thimk it is unreasonable for me to bring him over. I wont because i dont want to cuase huge issues that would interfere eith my parents anuversry in France but im really frustrated.

To me this is like why shpuld is turcture my scocial life around my siblings wants. Like why do i always have to adjust, i know i have fewer reasponsibilities but like this is a reacurring thing where i always have to move my acitvities to make them comfortable and i csnt really display my point of view because im just being unreasonable. And to be clear, we live in a city there are. Libraries with study rooms, cafes, and and things where my sibling could study everywhere and easily accseible. But i couldnt realy paint in these places.

Some other context: my grandma told me that shw really thinks that my sibling gets some favoritism treatment, my mother constantly cleans up for them and they have no household chores like laundry or taking out trash or dishes. When asked to do things they just dont untill soemone forgets or just does it for them. They have also told me thst they intentionally do nothing and know it makes espcially my mothers life harder and when theyre being rude and kind of a jerk im like heynyoyre not being very nice and they just laugh. My sibling will also practice on tjr gorund floor when ym friend and i sre doing things like video games or watching a movie insyead of the attic nd will.not move when asked. Theres a lot of things like this.

So i really do feel like this isnt a super fair arrangement where the rest of my family is going eith whatever my sibling says and we always have to readjust for them. And i want to bring this up but every time i try i get gaslit into thinking this is reasokable?

Im mostly asking is any parents or academicslly busy people think this is normal or a reasonable dynamic, and if anyone has any advice for talking.about this eith my parents? That would be appricated also

I've never posted on Reddit before so if I do something wrong I'm sorry guys😭

For background I have recently started college and for the most part it's gone well. I've never really been interested in boys or relationships as they all generally seem dirty and annoying. I've made a lot of friends since starting but this story is about one girl I'll call Honey. When I first saw honey I was stood outside of class and I just remember thinking about how pretty she was and how she looks like the human embodiment of a deer. Everything about her was perfect her hair, her face, her style. And then she walked up to me with a bright smile in class and started talking. Seeing her smile at and gave me a feeling in my stomach I can only describe as butterflies but at the time I brushed it off as nerves from starting college.

After that we became friends quite quickly, slowly I found myself looking forward to the lessons I'd see her and dress better the days I knew she would be in. In my mind I just thought this was because we were just close friends but recently I realised it may be more.

I keep on thinking of her, everything about her. We were speaking the other day and I found myself genuinely getting lost in her eyes like a cringy rom-com protagonist. She was insulting how she looks and I've genuinely never been so confused on how the prettiest girl I've ever seen could be self conscious. Her beauty is so unearthly I can't find the words to describe it. We took a selfie in class and later in the day one of my friends saw it in my camera roll and he said,

"Wow...she's so pretty." And I got a sudden burst of jealousy from the idea of someone else having her but then I got too excited to talk about her I stopped caring about that and couldn't help myself but ramble about her beauty, her laugh, the way she sits in all chairs like they're the most comfortable things in the world, her kindness. And my friend asked if I had a crush on her and I said no I'm straight but now I'm wondering if I really am.

I've been an ally for most of myself and the majority of my friends are LGBTQ in some way and it doesn't change how I feel about them but I was raised in a very homophobic household and I don't know if I'd still be loved if I was this way. I don't want to be gay, I wish I could be a man so I could marry Honey and we could have children and raise them to be as caring, funny and beautiful as her.

A part of me is still convinced that I'm straight but I'm scared if I live like I have been my whole life I'll miss out on what love can feel like. I don't know why I'm writing this but if anyone has advice for me I'd really appreciate it.