23-year-old Muslim Female dating a 24-year-old Hindu Male
Hello! I would like any advice or comments regarding my situation.
I (23 yo female, non-traditionally practicing muslim) started dating my bf (24 yo male, traditionally practicing Hindu) about four months ago. We met on a dating app and got to know each other over a few months and then started dating not long ago.
He's a great guy, and we get along well. This is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and up until a few months ago, I didn't have many worries. Within the last 2 months of dating, I've started to think about our relationship long-term. From the moment I met him, I knew I could see a future with him, but I think I had some rose colored glasses on and was overlooking some things that we should've discussed further prior to making it official.
- His family is a pretty traditional Hindu family and his parents were an arranged marriage.
- He's not "allowed" to date while he's in grad school.
- He lives at home with his family while he's in grad school.
- He wants to raise his kids Hindu.
These are the main "concerns" that I have been thinking through. Starting with 1 and 4, I didn't know that his family was pretty traditional until around 1 month into dating. They would likely prefer him to be with a Hindu girl and one who can probably carry on the role that his mom has, which is cook, clean, and the daily spread of the gods (I'm not sure of the proper way to say this, so please let me know). I've discussed this with him, and he tells me that is parents probably prefer that, but he's never talked to them about having a gf before, so he's not sure; from context clues, I've put this together. He has said this isn't important to him since he believes that we can be together even though we aren't the same religion, although he would like to raise his kids Hindu. This brings up another point: his family dislikes Muslims because of the historical context. He tells me that he has friends who are Muslim that his family likes, but I assume they wouldn't be okay with him marrying a Muslim. Again, he can't answer this because he's never had that conversation with them. Point 2 and 3 go together. From the start of us talking, he's told me that his parents can't know about our relationship, and maybe in the moment I didn't think that was going to be a big deal. Now I'm realizing that it's harder than I expected since there is no definite timeline as to when I can be introduced. He mentioned having me meet them in 2-3 years..which he knows I am not fully on board with. Him living at home with his family also makes this hard because he can't sleep over and has to lie to them about his whereabouts in order to see me. Also, another small thing is he's vegetarian, and my family and I eat beef and other meats often, which is minuscule, but it could be a challenge in everyday life.
We've had conversations about these things multiple times, and during our first conversation I asked him what he would do if his parents didn't approve of our relationship, even if we were dating for 2-3 years before I met them (side note: I would have to be introduced as a "new" girlfriend and they can't know we were dating beforehand), and he said we would have to separate. This, of course, was hard to hear because after 2-3 years I would expect my bf to stand up for our relationship. I assume this is a cultural thing, though and that his family will always come first before any relationship or what he truly desires for himself. Since then, we've had multiple conversations, and he's said that he wouldn't break up if they didn't approe and that he didn't think it through..But I feel like he's just telling me what I want to hear since I was visibly upset about his previous statement.
I guess this leaves me with the question...Is this a realistic relationship for me to stay in? I love him deeply, but I also have to love myself and protect my future. As selfish as it sounds, I don't want to commit 2-3 years of my life to someone who won't stand up for me if needed and leave me high and dry.
Just as an FYI my family would support our relationship.
Edit: I am also his first gf and we live in the US
I appreciate any advice, wisdom, thoughts, and help you can offer me. Thank you!