Did she cheat? Happened many years ago.
Hello, this happened maybe 15-17 years ago so i will do my best to get the details as specific as i can. This is not my first language but i will do my best.
Me (43m) and my partner (38f) have been living together for close to 20 years.
For å year or so i have been thinking alot about something happening a long time ago. I dont know why its bothering me so many years later. At the time we had just bought a lot and was in the planning of building a house, so we had both invested all we had and was planning for a life together.
She was invited to a party, some collegaues and some other poeople were at this party. I didnt go, i had work the next day. Later that night she called me and said i didnt need to pick her up because she was getting a ride home with a dude who had his boat there. This party was at a cabin by the ocean. And our apartment at the time was also by the ocean.
I argued that maybe that was a bad idea and he was probably to drunk and so on. She was clearly quite drunk. So i had a bad feeling about this and told her to take a taxi. It was getting late and i had to go to sleep.
Next morning i got up she was laying on the couch.
Had a bad feeling about this whole thing so i went home from work around noon to go check on her.
She was on the couch sleeping in her robe so she had been taking a shower. She woke up quite suddenly when i entered. Surprised to see me home early. Very bad hungover. I asked how she got home. It turned out that dude had taken her home on his boat. We had an arguement about her no taking my advise and so on but she assured me everything went fine and nothing bad happened.
Some days goes by and suddenly this same dude starts calling. I asked what this is all about? She says she wont answer or respond in anyway. But he ceeps calling. She then explains that he was coming on to her but she blew him off on that boat trip. I said okay but should i answer your fhone next time and tell him where he should go? She begged me not to do that. I suspected she was not telling me all so we argued some more the following time. At one point she asked if i wanted to call him to confirm her story but by this time they cold have gotten their stories straight so it wouldent be proof of anything as i see it. I did at one point look at her fhone while she was a sleep. She must have deleted most of the texts but one he wrote someting like "you could be my first mate anytime" (noutical term) I did not confront her about this because i did not have permission to snoop.
So why do this coming back in my head so many years later? I was hospitalized a couple of years ago with disease, quite bad and i messed up my head with depression and regret of things that have happened in the past. The fhysical part of the disease was bad but the mental part was in in some way quite bad as well. I made a full recovery but it "dug" out something i have hidden away i belive.
I dont have any reason to belive she have had any affairs since then. And i have no reason to belive they have met since. But the posibility she lied to me back then is starting to eat me up inside. It means everything we built is a lie. Fake.
What could the next step be? Confront her? Or find a way to berry it in the back of my mind again?