My partner (32M) cheated on me (28F). It awakened me sexually.
Long story short: My partner (32M) of two years cheated on me (28F). After I found out and the dust settled, I reflected on those past two years and changed my perspective entirely. I had a sexual awakening when the blinders finally came off.
I found out my partner (32M) of two years was cheating on me (28F). I'll never forget that moment. I was completely shocked and floored. I never suspected anything ever, and he never acted in the way that I would even be suspicious or paranoid.
I found out accidentally. He was out for a run and I noticed a text alert. I didn't recognize the name so I just reflexively clicked it. Wow. Total gut punch. It's a woman we met at a friend's house party maybe a month ago. I remember she was friendly and fun and we talked to her for a long time. I remember she took his business card because after she heard what he did she mentioned she actually could use him.
I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was quickly able to piece together that when I was out of town the week after the party, they met up for drinks to discuss bringing him business...and then it happened. She seduced him and he cheated on me. So shocked. And with her? WTF, I'm so much hotter than this woman. I screencapped all the texts -- there were so, so many of them -- and sent them all to me. Packed up all of my stuff. Was rushing to be done before he came back to the apartment.
When he came back to the apartment, he hugged me and immediately knew something was wrong. He asked why my heart was racing. I told him I knew, that I was disgusted, and it was over and that he should never talk to me again. He admitted everything and took responsibility for fucking up, but I didn't care.
Those first few days were so incredibly rough. The shock and disgust was really hard to handle. It felt like forever. But I finally started turning the page. I felt unwanted, so I definitely threw myself out there and needed some really good rebound sex to distract me and stop thinking about the betrayal. There was some fun in being free and single again. And it felt really good to have so many good looking guys coming up and hitting on me when I was out with friends.
My ex had texted me several times since the breakup, begging to meet and talk just once so he could clear his chest and get some closure. Sometimes they were angry texts from him saying he didn't like seeing me with other dudes and that we should figure out a schedule to not run into each other at the gym. It felt good to hear how uncomfortable and jealous he was with that.
After enough weeks went by and it wasn't as raw and fresh, I started reflecting more on how it all came crashing down. One night I decided to go back to all the screencaps that I took of those text messages. I had never read all of them. I read them all one night. It was so rough. My heart was racing and my stomach was all nerves. I was truly shocked by what I was reading. Who is this guy?? I couldn't recognize him. The texts were so graphic and naughty. She was seducing him for an encore. Talking about his smell still in her bed. There were naughty photos exchanged and she was talking about ALL the things he did to her in bed and all the things about him that turned her on -- his strong arms, picturing her legs on his shoulders, how hot she was when she couldn't get the regular condoms she had on his big dick. Damn. These were hard to read.
He made her orgasm? "I don't even have real orgasms usually." Fuck. I hate this girl. This is going to sound insane, but there parts that seemed to almost turn me on...like I was getting turned on by whoever this guy was. I did NOT recognize this person texting as the guy I was with for two years.
My odd reaction continued in the days and weeks following. I would have graphic dreams about him -- sometimes with me and sometimes with other women -- and would wake up completely aroused. It was so confusing to me. I kept thinking and reflecting on the past. I realized my image of him today was so different from the guy I was with for two years. There are a few things I've come to realize that were weighing down on our relationship -- one was relationship power dynamics and my ego; and the other was maybe societal norms or expectations.
Here's where I hope this might help any other couples out there. Some of this is hard for me to admit, but I'll say it. Every couple has a power dynamic, whether you want to believe it or not. There's always one that is viewed as "the catch," and it's just degrees of how "proportionate/disproportionate" the couple is viewed as far as appeal. Some people talk about a "reacher" and a "settler." I was the "catch." His guy friends were always saying that stuff around both of us -- "how did you end up with this guy? how did you snag her? she's way out of your league" blah, blah, blah. And I was the one constantly getting hit on by guys at bars or parties or other public places when he wasn't directly by my side.
I always thought our sex life was fine and just very typical and what is to be expected. He wanted to fuck me all the time, I waved him off half of the time. Lol. Nothing weird there. I never felt the sex was lacking in any way. He was great in bed -- oral, fucking, all of it...but I guess I made him do all the work and I didn't do much on my own other than enjoy it. But now my whole mindset was shaken. I realized it was just vanilla and boring! I had convinced myself that I was so much hotter than him...that maybe I even settled?!
Now I'm reading these texts and I'm seeing him in such a different light even though it was in front of me all this time. "Did you get my souvenir?" she asked the day after. This Grade A skank snuck her panties into his backpack. He admits to her that when he discovered them at work he had to take his backpack to a restroom stall so he could smell her. Does he still have them? Was he smelling her right now?
She's trying hard to seduce him again with her texts. She sends an under-skirt pic of her panties to him and mentions how wet she's been all day thinking of him. He says he's been hard all day and sends a pic of his boxer briefs with the cum stains from being hard throughout the day. Who the hell is this guy?? I had this hot, naughty guy with a sexy bod all to myself?! I had huge blinders on and didn't see him for the sexual animal he was. And I was suppressing my sexual animalistic side too. I couldn't shake the feelings of arousal and the sexy dreams at night. I'd wake up totally aroused. I'd go to those texts/sexts and read them and was so turned on. I was jealous about the things she mentioned that he did to her.
The sexts were crazy. I keep going back to the photo of his dick. The slut begged and begged for one. Of course he sent one. It's nuts...I saw that dick every day for years. I sucked on it so many times. Why did it look so different here when he took a pic of it and sent it? Why was I so wet for it? Was it because the act of sending it is so naughty/dirty? Or did it never get that massive and hard with me? Or did I just not appreciate what was in front of me all this time b/c I deluded myself into thinking I was settling somehow?
I was jealous of the things he did to her. I couldn't stand knowing that he was inside of her. Was she still getting pounded by that instead of me? I wanted him so badly and I wanted that big dick back so badly...all to myself.
Like I said, he had texted me several times since the breakup, asking to meet up or to try again. I ignored them all. But after this new wave of feelings, I finally texted back. I wanted to get him riled up. I gave him a hard time about being jealous of me with the guy at the gym and told him he would have been even more jealous about what the guy did to me in his bed. I got flirty and was a little naughty too. I finally demanded some naughty pics and got some.
He kept pressing me to meet up to talk and I told him the first step to considering forgiving him is for me to hear about everything. Everything. I told him I had screencaps of their text chain, which already revealed a lot about what happened, so he better not lie and he better fill in all the blanks. I wanted to know everything that happened. He didn't want to go there, but I was insistent. It was my one demand. I couldn't turn the page without knowing the full extent of the cheating; the betrayal. I finally wore him down and he started telling me everything.
The slut was seducing him hard. Asked him to walk her home since it was dark. Convinced him to come up so she could quickly show him her current financial portfolio docs (yeah, right). She gave him another drink when he was inside her apartment and was showing him all the views -- leaning over so he can look down her shirt; squatting to get a beer out of the bottom fridge shelf to give him a peek of her panties. She's showing him her papers while leaning over his shoulder and putting her hand on one of them. She told him later that she could notice him getting hard. She puts her hand on his leg and he finally knew he had to get out of there or he was going to make a big mistake. She's trying hard to convince him to stay. He opens the front door to leave and she grabs his hand to stop him. She pulls his hand under her skirt and places it on her wet panties. What a seducing slut.
There were things in those text screencaps that matched up to that story and now made sense. I just didn't know the full story when there were references to those things that maybe didn't make total sense at the time. She had said in the texts that she was so glad she was able stop him at the door. How he didn't have a moment of hesitation once his hand was on her wet panties and how his hand immediately slipped down her panties and his fingers sprung into action. That was rough to read, but now I understood the moment she was talking about. Gotta hand it to that mega slut. And the weirdest part was...I think I would have respected him less as a man if he didn't take her after all of that.
I had to keep pressing him for additional details along the whole way, but he did eventually keep sharing more. A lot of it made him really uncomfortable. I wanted every single detail, but he was embarrassed by so many of them because of what he did. I had to know what he did to her, though. He had no idea how hot and aroused I was by some of it. It was insane. I can't explain why. I was so turned on by the fact of him.
Don't get me wrong, it was really, really upsetting to hear some parts, while also somewhat thrilling and arousing at the same time. Does that make sense? I mean, if she just gave him a blowjob and he fingered her and they made out, it would have been a lot easier to deal with. Those parts of the story were not as rough and mostly arousing. But when he was inside of her -- his tongue, or worse, his dick -- that was painful to hear/read. There was just something both possessive about it for me and also so betraying of him. His dick was supposed to be just MINE and I hated to hear about her getting it; about it entering her.
The story finally ended and I was so hot and bothered. He asked if he could come over and I said yes. I made sure I looked and dressed so fucking hot. I absolutely attacked him the minute he came inside. I'll admit, I felt that I needed to prove myself. I wanted to prove it. That I was so much better than her in bed. And I needed to make sure his dick could grow that long with me. I was seeing all the things she saw in him -- and I was so turned on. Why was this new to me? His chest, his arms, his shoulders...and holy shit his massive dick. It finally all came rushing back to me. I finally remembered the first time we fucked and telling all my girlfriends about his pornstar body and how I was nervous about how big he was. How did I forget about all of that? Where did all that excitement and self-awareness go?
I pulled out all the tricks and we had amazing sex. He had a new confidence in bed that I hadn't seen before. Maybe he needed to see and experience how desirable he was to other women? He was so confident and talking about his body and how much he knew I wanted it. I orgasmed twice during it and he seemed so fucking thrilled with that and also shocked and surprised by this new horny woman he was fucking. But this had to just be the hot makeup sex that everyone talks about, right? This wasn't going to last, right?
He'd keep texting me and we'd meet up and go at it again. I was trying so many new things in the bedroom and new positions. He was doing things to me that he hadn't done before. or that I forgot about. We even made videos of our trysts. It was so much fun and so hot. This continued and continued and we starting getting closer and closer again, in the non-sexual category. We've been back together and our relationship is stronger than ever. I look back and realize I needed a shock to my system to change things up. When I'm out of town now, I demand a sexy dick pic 😉
I know that this experience may be unique to me, but if this speaks to someone, know that you're not alone. Or maybe for someone this opens their eyes to something they didn't even contemplate, and before it's too late.