I (M29) just got broken-up with (F26) for being too good?
Context/History:
It's been a while since I've dated anyone. I graduated with a MS last year and moved out the west coast. In the time leading up to moving, I decided to stay single when I had the opportunity to get into another relationship to work on myself. I've always been an anxiously attached person, so I've had to learn how to enable people to take space, breathe, be themselves, etc. When I moved and starting to consider dating again, I would do my very best to show up.
(Physical/Mental Profile)
Physically, I'm completely average, 5'11, 200, well put together and have improved my own self image, so I know that I'm attractive, at least can look cute (which was a hard sticking point to get over in my early twenties). Mentally and emotionally, since taking time to myself, I would consider myself decently emotionally intelligent, and certainly cognitively capable. From what I'm told, being a man, it shouldn't be hard to make it in the dating world, man is it hard.
The relationship:
I met this girl (F26) the same way most people do, via the apps (I know, not great, but I'm introverted, blahblahblah) and from day one, the primary point of attraction for both of us were our intelligences. She was funny, quick, gave off a "doesn't take life too seriously" (which kinda feels like a red flag now saying that).
So many guys try to make advances super quick, and so as dates went by (6 every month), I waited for her to open up. I waited two weeks to even touch her (which, for our dynamic was the right thing to do, trust), and another week/two to kiss her. I took her out to nice places, paid for everything, kept my distance during the week (which she was immensely appreciative for), took care of her cats while she was gone on business trips, bought her flowers, was ultimately considerate at every step of the way. I really really really tried to be the best person for her and show up for her.
Four months into the relationship, she started creating distance and so I matched that. I would occasionally check in to make sure that it was the right thing to do, and it seemed that way. Trying to pull her back in is obviously a trap and cyclically bad. But, ultimately, she kept pulling away, until last week, where she said that things were too much and she couldn't handle how hard it was in the times we were apart.
Of course, heartbreaking. I told her that "I wasn't surprised she felt that way. When the relationship gets real, things get scary." I told her how I would react to what she was saying in the past, and freak out. I didn't; I was sad for her. Not to self-glaze, but she fumbled. This is the first relationship where I can genuinely say that if I did anything different in the relationship, I would have consider it done worse on my part.
She wants me in her life; I essentially told her "we'll see how things go, but I'm not going to what to talk for a while." I believe she just wants a low pressure relationship, but this was low pressure. There were dates she cancelled, totally fine. Times she wasn't communicating as much as my anxious self would have liked, hey, everyone gets that way.
Ultimately, this further validates a core-wound: That I am unlovable and undesirable, no matter what I do or who I am.
So...
How am I supposed to process this? I get the feeling she'll come back within a month. Before I got attached, I told her and myself I'd be willing to try out to ride the anxious-avoidant waves. We both started going to therapy about a month ago to help process our emotions. After I'm done grieving the relationship, how I am going to go out into the world and have the psychology strength to try and do this again?