TL;DR: It’s hard to put words to it, none would do it justice. It was one of the most beautiful, serene experiences of my life. I journeyed somewhere else and the artifices of conscious we constructs were stripped from me entirely. I was simply me, my core energy, witnesses sheer beauty.
If you want to keep reading…..
I have been working with DMT for the past month, using it initially to work on anxiety. Perfect at low doses throughout the week. I just got a new vape which I think changed everything, these doses were easier to take and seemingly more concentrated.
Yesterday I was struggling big time, so I head to the porch to partake. No plans to take it this far. I had barely seen open eyed fractals before this, let alone seeing waiting room.
After a few small hits I felt much better. Sitting there with it for ten minutes, enjoying the grass. The release.
I felt a pull, a calling to go further. Not to escape, but to a journey. I’ve k-holed on ketamine many times (Rx therapy). Perhaps that absolved me of some fear, but not all of it.
A few more rapid, deep hits and I saw amazing CEV colors, geometry and movement. After a bit, it was time to move deeper. My world started melting. Anxiety crept in for a moment, but then another two bigger hits I entered what people describe as the waiting room. Blinding white, not lights but just…everything. I could barely open my eyes, the world was truly melting around me. It was time.
One more big long hit, held it, and I lifted off. The vibrations, buzzing in my body, all gave way. I said goodbye to this plane as I closed my eyes.
My body ceased to exist, in a way that was far more profound than a ketamine k-hole. I don’t know how to describe it.
The CEVs went insane, then another space appeared, that was fractal, ever moving, colors that don’t have words. They weren’t CEVs anymore, they were simply, what was. I was there, albeit “me” meant something totally different. It was a “me” decoupled from the burdens of my past, my lenses and biases, my trauma. I was ephemeral, simply an observer.
I entered a world that was pure color and beauty, dynamically polymorphic and yet the most serene I’ve ever felt. It didn’t represent anything I had seen before.
I sensed a presence, I felt a thin veil that stood between us. There were voices speaking to me with no sounds. There was no fear, only curiosity. I wouldn’t say I met entities, but I wouldn’t say I didn’t encounter them?
And then it was over, I came back and the world had stopped melting.
In the afterglow, I felt the most exuberant joy I had experienced in YEARS. Everything was beautiful, my dogs lost their shit as if they could tell I just came back from somewhere else.
I almost feel like a different version of me came back. A less burdened one, one without the heaviest weights bearing down on me. I still feel this way today. My past is not gone, but I don’t feel it defining my lens or my emotional baseline.
We’ll see how long all of that lasts, but this was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I now see why it must be treated with respect, almost reverence.