How can I work through severe sensory sex aversion? I love my husband and want to change this
I have been married for 5 months to the love of my life of 5 years. We didn’t do a lot of sexual things before but we still did some. I have always thought i identify as asexual i never masturbated or had sexual relationships in my life until I met my husband. And I liked it I did however I hated the kissing I HATED the nipple play it always made me feel great guilt and sadness I researched people said it’s SNS sad nipple syndrome. I hated everytime he licked me in anyway I hated blowjobs so so much I also hated handjobs. I also generally hated the feel and taste of all these fluids. On the other side kink has been one of the very few things that turn me on mostly power play spankings and very few things. I like to dress up i like to dress sexy and take nudes of myself I like to dance for my husband and give him lap dances i love setting up the mood and lighting candles and making dinner and cuddling but that’s it I barely move past this point.
On the other side my husband is very honry he is so into everything I mentioned he gets disappointed when I push him away he doesn’t force me it just shows. I really love him sooo so much and I don’t want our marriage to end over this but I feel like it will either always be me forcing myself do things I dread or him prevented the things that give him biggest joy in life and it makes me sad and I really wanna change I don’t wanna accept me for who i am and all that great talk. Also we’re not open for open marriages for religious reasons.
Please help