AITAH because my BF (M31) wants me (F30) to rent my house and help him with his mortgage, and I don’t want to?
Me (F30) and my bf (M31) have been dating for over a year. I’m much more financially literate and stable than he is. I’m completely independent and own my house (have a mortgage). He has a business with employees and struggles to make ends meet, he’s also just not very organized with money at all. Him and his brother inherited a house but he’s the only one living there so he’s taking care of the mortgage by himself, which is extremely expensive (x4 my mortgage) and has been almost in foreclosure multiple times. He’s been trying to convince me to move in with him, rent my house and “help him out where I can”. I’m a little uncomfortable about this but not sure if it’s justified. I know he’s really in love with me (as am I with him) and wants us to eventually have a family but I’m concerned about his financial situation currently as well as his habits. Eventually, I’ll be forced to make a choice since we are getting more and more serious and he keeps mentioning it. He wants to keep his house as he’s emotionally attached to it, is also bigger and nicer than mine. I’m scared to pay even partially for a mortgage on a house he doesn’t even own 100% (his brother is married with a family) and I’ve suggested they sell it and eventually him and I buy a different one together but like I said, he’s very attached to it. First, I would like to know if my fear is justified or if this is should be the normal flow of the relationship. I would also like to know other suggestions to maybe compromise and, finally, if I do agree to this, how much should I contribute financially and in which ways? I live a good life alone and I feel kind of silly moving in with somebody to have to split costs and help with a mortgage or rent when I’m so comfortable myself. Maybe I’m looking at this wrong and this is what it means to be in a relationship? I have the most irrational fear to feeling used and I feel this is going to end up costing me money if I’m not super clear (I also know very well I’ll probably have to take over most chores like groceries and cleaning because he’s sweet but chaotic). Guys I love him but I’m scared. Thank you in advance for any advice!
Edit: he doesn’t want to move out of there in part because he runs his business from the house and needs the space for his employees and machinery. I don’t think he can afford renting a business space and the house payment even if he rented the house