u/Comfortable-Tart-196

I’m in my 30s and recently went through a breakup that I’m trying to process in a healthy way. I’d appreciate outside perspectives.
We had a real connection, love, and compatibility, and I genuinely cared about her. But over time there were clear emotional inconsistency and commitment issues that were present early on (fear of commitment, emotional instability, difficulty with consistency in relationships).

The first time things ended, we weren’t officially together yet — more like an undefined dating stage. She ended things by saying she wanted to just be friends, while also expressing that she cared about me and liked me a lot.
After some time, we reconnected and later became an official couple.
In the second breakup, while we were officially together, she again ended things, while still expressing that she cared about me deeply.
In both situations, I didn’t react emotionally — I simply accepted it and stepped away.

After the breakup I went no contact. I initially blocked her, which gave me some relief, but later unblocked her because I felt mentally overwhelmed and exhausted. I also stepped away from social media because it was affecting my mental clarity. I’m still not in contact, but I’m unsure if unblocking was the right decision for my healing process.

Since then I’ve been:
going to therapy
training consistently
reflecting on my own behavior in the relationship
trying to stop idealizing the past
I still care about her and think about her sometimes, but I’m also realizing I don’t want emotional instability in my life long-term. I may have over-invested in trying to make things work while ignoring patterns that were showing up early.
I don’t hate her and I don’t see her as a bad person. I just want to understand how to move forward without getting stuck in overthinking, hope, or nostalgia.

Has anyone experienced something similar with an emotionally inconsistent partner? How did you detach while still accepting the relationship had real value?

Recently I went through a breakup that I’m trying to process in a healthy way. I’d appreciate outside perspectives.
We had a real connection, love, and compatibility, and I genuinely cared about her. But over time there were clear emotional inconsistency and commitment issues that were present early on (fear of commitment, emotional instability, difficulty with consistency in relationships on her side ).
The first time things ended, we weren’t officially together yet — more like an undefined dating stage. She ended things by saying she wanted to just be friends, while also expressing that she cared about me and liked me a lot.
After some time, we reconnected and later became an official couple.
In the second breakup, while we were officially together, she again ended things , while still expressing that she cared about me deeply.
In both situations, I didn’t react emotionally — I simply accepted it and stepped away.

After the breakup I went no contact. I initially blocked her, which gave me some relief, but later unblocked her because I felt mentally overwhelmed and exhausted. I also stepped away from social media because it was affecting my mental clarity. I’m still not in contact, but I’m unsure if unblocking was the right decision for my healing process.

Since then I’ve been:
going to therapy
training consistently
reflecting on my own behavior in the relationship
trying to stop idealizing the past

I still care about her and think about her sometimes, but I’m also realizing I don’t want emotional instability in my life long-term. I may have over-invested in trying to make things work while ignoring patterns that were showing up early.
I don’t hate her and I don’t see her as a bad person. I just want to understand how to move forward without getting stuck in overthinking, hope, or nostalgia.

Has anyone experienced something similar with an emotionally inconsistent partner? How did you detach while still accepting the relationship had real value