How do I stop letting this ruin my life.
We were together for almost 3 years and broke up in Februrary.
Our relationship was filled with turmoil, hour long arguments, manipulation, degradation and physical abuse, all from him. >!He had punched me multiple times in my upper back while gripping me so hard I couldn't move, he would frequently pin me to my bed and attempt to scare me by pretending he was going to punch me, and he punched me directly in my face and gave me two black eyes.!<Our entire relationship he was incredibly controlling. His controlling behavior had me ruin relationships with family friends as well as weaken friendships I was building as I had just met them. Anytime someone would follow me on Instagram, he'd demand to see who did. I had 10 followers at max and some of them were old accounts of friends.
I'm only 18 and this is my second relationship ever. I'm horrified of ever letting someone in my life again but at the same time I'm so desperate for someone to be nice to me. I grew up in a household full of domestic violence of the same nature and I feel sick that I "let" it happen to me. I'm currently in therapy and I've told her whats happened but it didn't give me any relief like I thought it would. I'm constantly thinking of it, constantly dreaming of it. How do I let it stop ruining my days, my weeks, my months? What can I do for any sort of relief from what's happened to me? It still feels so unreal, like a complete blur in my memory but at the same time it's so prominent it's suffocating. Does it ever get easier, is this just another thing that will weigh on my heart until I die?
Please offer any advice, any coping mechanism, I just want to forget what happened.