For context, I’m 23 and my sister (20F) was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when she was 17. However, she had already started showing depressive symptoms around 15, and she said it was triggered by something our mom said that really traumatized her.
Another piece of context: my mom has endured a lot from my dad’s side of the family her whole life, so she likely has her own mental health struggles but has never been diagnosed. At one point when she was burnt out, she told a relative that she wished she hadn’t given birth to my sister. That sentence eventually got back to my sister, and it became the root of her depression.
My parents did take her to therapists, and she even went to school counseling while studying abroad, but nothing seemed to work. At the time, my parents thought she was getting better. They’re Asian parents, so mental illness is very unfamiliar to them, especially my dad. They basically stopped bringing it up, thinking it was something that should be avoided completely.
About a year later, she started self-harming. This time, she didn’t tell our parents, only me. We were over 10,000 km apart at the time. She made me promise not to tell them and asked me to help take her to a psychiatrist when she returned home during semester break. That was when she was officially diagnosed and prescribed medication.
After about 4 months of treatment, I asked if I could tell our parents, and she agreed. They found out, were worried, and started being more attentive and kind toward her again. But like before, it felt temporary. Eventually things went back to normal, as if they forgot their child has a mental illness, not a physical one.
She stopped taking her medication after around 8 months because her symptoms improved. After that, things seemed fine for a while. She applied to universities and eventually moved from the US to Australia to study, same country as me but in a different city. She seemed happier, smiled more, and even told me she loved the city.
But it didn’t last. She has attachment issues, which seem to be worsened by her condition. She tends to get very attached to partners, probably because our parents didn’t show much emotional warmth growing up. However, all of her situationships ended quickly, some on good terms, some not. Each time, it affected her deeply. She started feeling like she didn’t deserve love, from our parents, and from the people she likes.
Recently, she went through a few difficult personal situations that triggered her badly. It brought back a lot of the emotions from when she was struggling before, along with the “darkness” she has been dealing with for years. She called me and said she didn’t see the point in living anymore.
I tried to bring this up with my mom, but we still haven’t told my dad. We both feel like he wouldn’t understand, especially given her “privileged” life. Last time he found out, he changed for a short while but then went back to being passive aggressive, easily angry, and emotionally distant.
Today, my sister told me she relapsed 2 days ago, just one day after we talked to our mom. Thankfully she’s okay now, but things feel really critical. She asked me not to tell our parents.
I feel stuck in the middle. If I tell my parents, I will lose her trust, and that trust is the only way I can actually support her right now. But at the same time, I’m scared of handling this alone.
I suggested that she come back home for a few weeks before finals so we can figure things out together, but I don’t even know if that’s helpful. I don’t know how to talk to her without triggering her, and I don’t know how to involve my parents without making things worse.
I’m not looking for judgment. I genuinely need advice on how to support her safely while navigating my parents in this situation.
I’m really worried about her and don’t know what to do.