I hate that I miss him :(
It’s too much to give context but basically he broke my trust in April 2024 and then in February 2025 I ended things with him for good, I had so much resentment towards him it was my first relationship and it was serious. It’s now May 2026 it’s been 10 months now of no contact, and it comes in waves sometimes I’m okay not thinking about him more anger, and sometimes he isn’t on my mind at all, and usually a few months go by of me not thinking about him then I just cry and break down and miss him so much or have the memories pop up. I remind myself how he willingly hurt me every time made me feel bad about myself, and overall used me for my apartment, and didn’t respect me at all. I remind myself if he was here I’d feel 10 times worse he gave me constant anxiety paranoia of him cheating, and we’d be constantly fighting. I’m so sick of this the dreams about him not even wanting to date but know how he’s doing, and I can’t even trust anyone anymore I’m extremely picky now, and just emotionally unavailable. I have no one in my life to talk to about this they all feel as if I should be over it. I haven’t had a partner since or even been intimate even a kiss with anyone it’s almost as if I know he’s not coming back but I’m still somehow waiting. He doesn’t care, and never will it’s all a mask he puts on.