u/ComfortableRiver848

hi i will keep this as small as possible; we know how situationships go, maybe there was a potential relationship but in the end it ended badly. for me it ended badly bc he could not handle my emotional breakdown i once had over smt traumatic.

a year and a half later, my bsf (who i did not talk to for 6 months) reconnected with me and we ended up on the topic of him.

i find out that she talked to him a couple times over the past 3 months because she hungout with her bf who is close with him. he brought me up those couple of times asking if i had a bf , saying that what happened that night we ended tipped him off a lot but also the fact he really did like me but in the end he just cannot commit - red flag i know. he also kept saying he felt guilty on how he handled it and he wanted to say sorry. he was going to text me but my friend said to not in order to protect my peace (which im grateful for bc i know it wouldve turned to total shit if he texted me). also the fact he said he still thought i was really pretty but he just couldn't be with me.

now the thing here is that he knew my bsf and i weren't in contact at the time so he said these things not knowing i'd find out. so what is this that he feels for me? and why am i so wavered by it now? i've had dreams about him before and coincidentally these dreams happened during this time where he brought me up to my friend. so this is making me sort of delusional.

just what is going on? what does he feel for me and what was his point on bringing me up so often to her?

about a year and a half ago, i met him at a party and we got to talking after that. i planned for it to be casual since about 6 months prior i had gotten out of a long term relationship and honestly i was doing anything i could to forget my ex as he had a huge impact on me.

me and the situationship got close fast and he hinted towards smt more serious to which i was fine with but still hesitant but i think i wavered more bc he was my ideal type and we ended up getting intimate. which i see was a huge mistake — i cannot do intimacy casually which i only discovered after.

short terms: we ended things kinda badly and honestly it wasn’t going to work out based on who he was. he never had a rl before and it was obvious he had commitment issues.

anyway being a year and a half later i periodically think about him sometimes in a resentful way but recently it’s gotten rly bad.

it’s likely because i found out from a mutual friend that he said he actually wanted something with me but he just couldn’t bring himself to commit so that’s why he ended it.

idk what’s going on with me, i keep thinking of him after so long and i miss him but in a way i hate him but in a way i want to reconnect. yet i know im not going to do that, i just want to rid myself of him.

i feel like such a failure because this semester i did really bad (D, C-, C, C+) in my classes. i was trying to inch my gpa up to a 3.3 and it was a 2.86 before this semester and now its a 2.6.

i feel so ashamed of myself because i did try to study as best as i could and now i have to live with these results. i want to pursue a masters for my major because that is what allows me to do the job i want. but now i feel like i won't have a future because i messed it up for myself.

any words of advice? im kind of here because i can't admit this to anyone i know irl because it is just so embarrassing, i have big dreams but i can't even do the work for them.