u/Comfortable_Drag6181

I’ve known my friend (17m) sense we where in 1st grade. We’ll call him Rider. We have been very close for many years and I would consider him to be my best friend. Through out middle school I started getting bullied for the way I sound and looked. However I didn’t know I was gay yet. He was the person I told everything to, and to be honest I don’t know if i’d still here without him. During sophomore year, I had discovered I was gay but was only out to a few close friends. But I was having trouble telling him because I had started to get feelings for him. I tried to ignore these feelings , but every time I saw Rider it all came back. I finally got the courage to tell him I was gay at the start of our junior year, and he was very supportive and told me he would always be my friend. After that a lot of my anxiety wanted away. But I still felt like I was keeping something from him because I still had these feelings. After I told him I was gay nothing changed between us. He is someone who makes a lot of gay jokes, none with malice but jokes about if he was gay. A lot of people have speculated that we were together. Often asking if we are dating and he would reply with a very fast yes. However I really don’t see him being gay, he’s talked to girls before but nothing more then that. He’s never had a girlfriend or any dates to homecoming. Some days I find myself thinking about telling him, but I’m afraid if he doesn’t feel that same way then i’ll risk losing our friendship. Other times I think i’m selfish for wanting to tell him cause if he doesn’t fell the same way he could be losing our friendship to. I don’t how he would react. I’ve tried to be with other guys but my mind always drifts back to him. I feel like theirs been romantic tension between us before, but i’m terrified if I say something I’ll risk everything. After all I said he was supportive of me, as for my other friends… they didn’t feel the same way and we don’t talk anymore. I want to confess and hope he lets me down gently if he doesn’t feel the same way. How do I even go about confessing to him??? What should I say???