Patience is a virtue but it’s rare!
As a 37yo MM, I’ve connected with a few potential partners lately, but nothing lasted more than a few weeks. Compatibility isn't the issue, and I'm not just looking for casual sex. The real issue is patience—building these connections simply takes more time and effort. In the last couple of months, I’ve realized adultery is not everyone’s cup of tea.
In Jan, I posted on an affairs subreddit and connected with someone. Initially, we texted and spoke on phone during the day, our chemistry was amazing—we laughed a lot and had plenty of things to talk about. However, it was hard to continue because of my business trip and busier schedule. We both live in India, navigating family dynamics made and finding time for each other was horribly difficult during this period. This is my first time doing this, I wanted to take it slow and I didn’t plan to meet irl.
Eventually, the lack of consistent communication made us drift apart. It was a mutual struggle, not one person's fault. A non-traditional relationship like this has hard boundaries and needs enormous patience to accept and work with delays and limitations. We mutually called it off.
A few weeks later, I connected with a woman moving back to India from Canada. She was separated and making time for each other wasn’t hard. Despite the time difference, we spoke on the phone and video-called each other. I also moved countries in the past and we had a lot of common things to talk about. Our chemistry was great, and I could work with my schedule to make time for her.
While traveling back, she planned for a 18hr layover in Bangalore specifically to see me. We had booked a hotel and planned the entire date.Just a few hours before her flight landed, I had an emergency. My mom had to be hospitalized in intensive care and I rushed to attend to her. In all the chaos, I couldn't check Telegram or keep track of the time. She landed, checked into the hotel alone, and she tried calling me a few times but my notifications were off and I was unreachable for like 6 - 8 hours. When I finally got home and tried to call her, she was furious. She refused to answer, sent a massive text venting her anger, and blocked me. It wasn't intentional and I wasn’t ghosting/ chickening out. I agree it feels disrespectful but I just wish she had given me a chance to explain the emergency.
Finding people isn't the hardest part—it's sustaining the relationship that takes real time and effort. Because this setup is unorthodox, it requires extra patience during unexpected delays or surprises. Instead of reading between the lines or assuming things, it is always better to simply ask and clarify if someone’s actions don't match the plan. Clear communication prevents false assumptions. After all, patience is a virtue but a rarity irl.