Second-gen Indian guy — is my preference for East Asian women a preference or something worse?
Throwing this out because a friend called me out recently and it's been in my head.
I'm Indian, born there, moved to the US at a very young age. Not religious. Grew up middle class with fairly traditional parents. Attended Ivy League universities and now live in NYC working an elite job. Both of my serious relationships have been with East Asian women, and that's who I tend to connect with.
My reasoning, for what it's worth:
- I had a close East Asian female friend in college whose work ethic I really admired, and most of my adult environments have been heavily Asian. So that's who I've been around.
- I think second-gen South and East Asian upbringings have a lot in common — education as the family's whole project, obligation to parents, achievement being a family thing rather than an individual one. I want a partner who gets that without me having to explain it.
- I date Indian women and it hasn't worked out. Part of it is that they often expect a cultural and religious fluency I don't have. I don't speak the language well and I'm not religious, so I end up feeling like I'm falling short of something.
- Honestly, East Asian women have also just reciprocated my interest more than other groups have.
- And I do find them attractive, which I'm not going to pretend isn't part of it.
I don't think this is a fetish — I'm not looking for a type to perform anything, and the relationships ended over personality stuff that had nothing to do with race. But I've wondered whether wanting distance from my own culture says something I should look at.
Curious what this community thinks, especially from people who've been on the other side of it.