r/interracialdating

As someone who loves love and hearing about people’s love stories, I really loved this subreddit when I found it. A place where couples can come and post about their love and talk about their experiences in interracial relationship. I thought it was so wholesome and cute.

But slowly it’s been turning into a really negative space. I went from seeing cute posts of people showing their love and giving relationship advise, to the following:

•posts bashing Asian women for dating white men
•bashing black women for wanting to date anyone that’s not black
•constant misogynoir and emasculation of Asian men in the comments
•fetishization of Asian men, Asian women and black women
•using this subreddit as a dating site

I miss when it was just happy couples posting about how they found love. I know we still get some post like these, but I feel like the balance has shifted.

/sorry, rant over. Just sad seeing one of my favourite subs turn so negative.

What do I do? I always found black women gorgeous, even as a child. I want to ask a Black woman out but don't know how.

So, I grew up in South Dallas with that stereotype of being the "white washed" black girl because I was nerdy and alternative. I am attracted to black men, but with this current stage in my life and my religion, it's hard to find black men in the churches I attend.

I'm eastern Orthodox (I know, yikes) and obviously it's a bunch of trad larpers and anglo white supremacists. I had a horrible experience with a racist white guy in my church that I very very briefly dated. I actually had no idea he was racist before we started hanging out more. He would get drunk and go on Omegle to cuss strangers out. Gross.

I dated white guys before I was Christian and never had that experience before, so those relationships ended for different reasons.

I have noticed some Hispanic men, but most of them are married. I know most Mexicans/south Americans come from Catholic backgrounds - so I think it would be an easier relationship to uphold as far as shared beliefs and from personal experience - they are relatively conservative (which I dont mind) but not racist or hateful like the white guys I see in the church. I'm thinking about visiting a Catholic church and talking to more ethnic men there. This is Texas, and there's lots of Hispanic men here. I just thought that most Hispanic guys were in large, either attracted to women of their own race or white girls.

Has anybody, especially black women had experiences with dating Hispanic men?

I’m a black guy, and I’ve been dating my white girlfriend for about two months. Things have been going really well, and this weekend I’m going to meet her family for the first time.

I’m not particularly worried about meeting her parents. The part I’m nervous about is meeting her younger brother and sister.

The reason is that both of them are currently in Greek organizations at the same college my girlfriend and I attended. Coincidentally, my girlfriend and I never actually crossed paths when we were students there.

The problem is that both of their organizations have a reputation on campus for being some of the more racist organizations.

Her brother is in a fraternity that has had some pretty disturbing things associated with it. For example, they have a Civil War cannon on their property that is positioned facing the Black Student Union building. There is a rumor that the cannon was intentionally positioned that way to face the Black Student Union, although I have no idea whether that's actually true. Either way, considering the history surrounding the fraternity, I find the whole thing pretty unsettling.

My girlfriend also told me that decades ago, when her sorority accepted a Black woman, her brother's fraternity supposedly refused to participate in swaps and other Greek events with them afterward. There have also apparently been date-party themes associated with the fraternity that had pretty heavy racial undertones.

Her sister is in a sorority that has also had multiple incidents involving racism. There was a viral video of a woman in the sorority using the N-word, and at another point a group chat was leaked where members were making racist comments about Black people.

I realize that none of this necessarily means her siblings personally hold racist views. They could both be perfectly nice people, and I'm trying not to make assumptions about them before I've even met them.

At the same time, I have a hard time separating someone from an organization when they knowingly choose to join it. If an organization has a long history of racist incidents, at what point does choosing to associate with it become a reflection of your own values?

My girlfriend says her siblings are good people and that I should give them a chance. She also doesn't think they joined these organizations because of racism. I believe her when she tells me they're good to her, but I still can't completely get past the history of these organizations.

My thinking is that even if you don't personally participate in racist behavior, if you know what an organization has been accused of or what members have done, and you choose to join anyway, shouldn't you at least have some responsibility to speak out against it? Otherwise, aren't you indirectly accepting it?

But maybe I'm being unfair and judging two individuals based on the worst things other members of their organizations have done.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation where you were dating someone from a different racial background and had concerns about their family or social circle? How did you handle it?

Living in the Middle East, I realised how much I have had to accommodate to him and how I was so brainwashed.

He can construct a life here that is almost entirely catered to his own culture. He can live in a gated compound, surrounded by people who share his background, in an environment designed to make him comfortable.

He would always get angry and annoyed that I wouldn’t sleep over, that I would call my parents regularly, and that I make my relationship discreet. Meanwhile he told all of his colleagues including local
Ones about me and even showed them my picture which is so invasive.

It can put my life at risk, or at the very least make it very problematic and frustrating for me.

Once I broke up with him I feel so much relief.

He has the privilege of treating his cultural norms as universal because he rarely has to confront the consequences of those norms not fitting the society he lives in.

So I'm a young black woman who's interested in Asian men, but I've never really dated one. When it comes to dating apps the Asian men that I match with seem to either never message me back or randomly ghost. I just accept this as typically dating app experiences, but when it comes to Asian men in person I have no idea if they have any interest or just being friendly enough to get by. I usually get this with east/ south east Asian men while south Asian men only like me on dating apps and are 2x my age.

I know how to deal with other races of men since they are easier to read but at this point I think Asian men have no interest in me. It could also be my weight since I am plus size, but I am losing weight.

So I’m a black woman 28 and I see everyone’s post on here rather in a relationship or looking for advice and everyone legit seems pleasant. Y’all give me hope again. I know in my area most people are attracted to white women and I don’t feel any less desirable but it does make me feel odd being a black women who is interested in dating outside my race but in the last 4 years of actively dating nothing has clicked. Seriously this subreddit gives me my daily dose of hope. I’ve even taken to doing activities around my city and being more extroverted but I do get weird looks from people I approach out of the blue for casual conversation. Hopefully I find my person someday soon but I’m honestly ok if I don’t, I know some people who have never even had a serious relationship and I was lucky to have two long term ones. I love you guys ❤️❤️😭

Throwing this out because a friend called me out recently and it's been in my head.

I'm Indian, born there, moved to the US at a very young age. Not religious. Grew up middle class with fairly traditional parents. Attended Ivy League universities and now live in NYC working an elite job. Both of my serious relationships have been with East Asian women, and that's who I tend to connect with.

My reasoning, for what it's worth:

• I had a close East Asian female friend in college whose work ethic I really admired, and most of my adult environments have been heavily Asian. So that's who I've been around.
• I think second-gen South and East Asian upbringings have a lot in common — education as the family's whole project, obligation to parents, achievement being a family thing rather than an individual one. I want a partner who gets that without me having to explain it.
• I date Indian women and it hasn't worked out. Part of it is that they often expect a cultural and religious fluency I don't have. I don't speak the language well and I'm not religious, so I end up feeling like I'm falling short of something.
• Honestly, East Asian women have also just reciprocated my interest more than other groups have.
• And I do find them attractive, which I'm not going to pretend isn't part of it.

I don't think this is a fetish — I'm not looking for a type to perform anything, and the relationships ended over personality stuff that had nothing to do with race. But I've wondered whether wanting distance from my own culture says something I should look at.

Curious what this community thinks, especially from people who've been on the other side of it.

I can’t find the post anymore. But If you saw it you know what I’m talking about. Last week a Black man was complaining how his Asian girlfriend doesn’t want to take his last name.

But it got me thinking about last names.

Nothing is wrong with being AFRICAN AMERICAN. Our last names are unique. And are foundational to this country. Our ancestors kept their last name to find each other after slavery ended.

My last name is Ghanaian only bc my grandfather was from there. My mom is AA. But it’s nothing special. It’s just a name.

But I still love the fact that AA last names are Smith , Willam, Thomas.

Embrace ur “slave name”

It’s such a small factor in life a last name. That post was truly odd.

What’s the difference between Hispanic people having Lopez as their last name. They were colonized too. That wasn’t there original name! The only difference is that they were on their own land.