r/interracialdating

I’m a 32 BM and my partner of 4 years is a 34 WW. Shes half Sudanese and half Egyptian, she say she’s African as she was born in Sudan and moved to England when she was 10, but I say she’s Arab as that’s what she is and looks like. For example a Chinese man born in Jamaica, is a Jamaican, national but is still Chinese…until they open their mouth lol.
Anyway…
I wanted to know if anyone maybe feels their partners family are not as welcoming as yours (vice versa).
My family have always welcomed her, and has been around my family more than I have been around hers as they live in another city.
Lately I’ve been thinking that maybe our cultures are just too different.
For our child’s baptism her family/extended family were on one side and mine were on the other. They didn’t really integrate but I guess that’s just because they don’t know each other.
There’s been a couple racial situations that have made me question if being in this interracial relationship is even good for my mental health.
Whilst my mum hasn’t called her her daughter, she treats her like it and will say “I’m with my daughter in law” when she is talking to someone else on the phone.
I remember when my partners uncle died, me and my mum went to the funeral, this would have been within the first year of us dating. Her mum, whilst my mum was next to me, called me her son which I thought felt really fake as she’s never said it before. She hasn’t said it since either, I’m not bothered by it I’m just giving some context to this post.
Anyway at the beginning of the relationship we were stopped in a car I’d bought on Facebook which turned out to be stolen. We were arrested and the police went to her house. Naturally we were given NFA, but I didn’t get my car back and had to take the L on the money loss. Anyway her brother messaged her and basically said I was a drug dealer. Don’t know why that came to his head first but that’s what he said. At that point I hadn’t met any of her family.

Fast forward, to the uncles funeral, then onto the rest of life. There was another incident where we were talking about moving to the city her parents are from. I questioned the diversity around the area as it is predominantly white, so to move from multicultural London to this area, I wanted to know what it’s like and if there are many black people around. She said there was a black family that lived across the street to which the brother said “but there not a good representation”. I checked him on it immediately. I thought that was weird. A black man is a black man. As long as he’s not a grapist or a PDF, it doesn’t matter how they live their life. I’m not going to think “ohh no those black people over there aren’t good so I won’t talk to them”…they’re black just like me.

I remember I was going for a new job, I was a little apprehensive about it and her way of reassuring me was essentially saying I’d be a quota hire. This was early in the relationship maybe year 2. A year later when her sister was going for a interview and she asked her if she thinks they would hire her due to diversity, she told her sister that she should be there on merit and not a quota hire. I guess one rule for the BM and another for someone else right lol

We have a child now who’s still a toddler (I know, I’m deep in lol) but ultimately now that we have moved from London, there’s only so much culture I can show/give him without going back to my family in London where he can experience it full throttle.
I raised this with my partner, as the only person who our child can really look at and see himself in is me. If we were to split, as we’ve moved out of London, he won’t see a lot of people that look like him.
One might say I should have thought about that before getting into an interracial relationship, but I can’t help who I love lol.
Anyway after this, we went to a spa and done some mud cleanse thing (she picked it) she then had the audacity to put her arm next to mine and said at least we’re the same colour now. :| I didn’t even check her about it, we were on holiday so I didn’t wanna ruin the vibe as I know she didn’t mean it in a disrespectful way. But still, why would she say that.

When we were in London, her family came up once for Christmas and that was it. They didn’t come to anything else, not even our child’s first birthday…they done something for our child when she went to her parents. It would make me think, why don’t they want to come here? She’d give reasons like oh they’re busy etc but I just don’t think that’s true. How are your family always busy, they would tell her to just bring our child to them. And like I said, didn’t come down for any seasonal festivities other than that first Christmas of our relationship. Her dad brought his own food ffs lol.

So naturally, I just start matching the energy I receive from them. They don’t say hello to me, I’ve always gotta say hello first, so I stopped that. Now I don’t say anything. And guess what, neither do they. No acknowledgment, nothing. I would of hoped any partner of mines family would welcome me
With open arms and I would feel comfortable around them but it’s just not the case. When I am around they talk in Arabic to each other. They could be talking English, I walk in the room and they’re talking in Arabic. Certain times I used to just be there in my phone, it’s not like I understand what they’re saying lol, and it’s not like they’re actively trying to include me in the conversation. I don’t even go to her family’s house anymore and I’m not in a rush to go there either. We literally live around the corner from them now. They don’t even come to visit, she’ll take my son there or I guess they come round when I’m not there Lool.

I also found out about a tribunal case that took place involving her and a black colleague in which the man felt he was discriminated against by her due to being black… The man won the case. The article is on google but I won’t put it in here. Basically it was about the man talking to customers like he’s talking to his friends which wasn’t suited for the area the store was in. I get her reasoning, at the end of the day as a BM I have to code switch at work, it is what it is.

With all of this being said, she is a lovely women, to me, she has the purest heart which is why I am with her.

I don’t know, am I just in my head? I feel being in an interracial relationship made me realise that actually, maybe its not for me.

I would love to get some engagement on this, and if there are any questions that anyone has I would love to answer them as I’ve jumped backwards and forwards in this post so much.

Bless up

I (black) have been with my bf (white) couple of months and he has shown me multiple times he is serious about me and he loves me and only me. But everytime we come across other black girls i can’t help but think he is probably thinking he chose the wrong one and there is prettier people. My bf is a really good looking guy. I have never told him about this even though he reassures me all the time. How do I overcome this?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years in December and I am Hispanic and he is Indian. Specifically he is from south India and his family is Brahmin which from what I understand makes it worse because that’s like the highest caste?? Any recs from people who have gone through this? Very niche I know but I’d love to marry this man but I’m scared his family is going to get in the way :(

How do any of you date interracially when everyone who isn’t black… has deep seated racism whether they want to acknowledge it or not. It’s from white supremacy. And don’t get me started on the biracials . They all have identity issues . It’s so sad to bring people like that here. But, serious question, when you meet them, and them, I mean, the person you’re with.. how do you handle the idea of them being racist or even… having a racist stage in their life. You know.. using the n word when they were younger ….

Now if anyone read that and started smiling and agreeing with that. Ask yourself. Why do you even follow this subreddit ? So you can find little opportunities to project your insecurities or spread hate ? Shout out to everyone who found LOVE. Truth is, not everyone is blessed to experience true love and by the time people get old and lonely … they may not figure that out. Thank you all for what you do. Loving as you should. Without a contingency on skin color, eye color, etc. but, loving with following the heart. And if your heart leads you to only a certain eye color or skin color. I’m not judging but you shouldn’t either when people don’t. Cherish your loved ones. A lady died last week. 85 years old. In her bed. No kids. No loved ones. Neighbor called the cops because flies - where on the window. Hundreds of them. Found her dead. No sure why but she was never in a relationship- but in her younger years - very picky and always wanted something better. Not to talk about the dead but she was in peoples business a lot too. We knew her. But that’s lonliness. Most people who worry about folks in interracial relationships are lonely. I would feel disrespected as a husband if I’m in a marriage and my wife is always worried about who someone else is dating and having kids with lol

But, again, congrats everyone. Good luck in your relationships and marriages or whatever you categorize it as. I’m happy for you

My and my girlfriend are seriously considering marriage when we both move out of our parents, and I'm looking at houses deep in the countryside of the very red and almost completely white state we live in (I'm white she's black). The possibility of experiencing racism is very high and I'm concerned. How do you deal with it when you encounter it? Especially in situations like my potential future.

I am (22F) dating a German American man (40M).

There’s a couple of things at play here.

I notice the way we take in our environments are from completely different lenses. I notice if I’m the only ethnic person in the room, but he has no background of that even crossing his mind. (Which isn’t bad just something I noticed).

I also find myself feeling so off from his typical type of, white woman. He has dated outside of his race, but very rarely.

He also has this quirky personality I’ve been adjusting to!

My dating history has been very diverse with only less than a handful of white men.

I’m curious if any other BIPOC woman had this feeling of adjustment. Maybe I am just feeling a sense of cultural shock?

I know class doesn’t matter when it comes to love, just wondering how much class and race overlaps statistically in interracial relationships. I’m wasian and I know my parents were both upper middle class. My cousin is in an interracial relationship with a woman who is also upper middle class. My boyfriend is Latino and his family is lower working class.

So 2 out of 3 personal observations were same status, different ethnicities. I’m wondering if that’s typical in general.

The amount of racist remarks in this account is wild. Imagine going out of your way to find an interracial group just to comment hateful shit and getting your entire account took. Racists never cease to amaze me with their sheer stupidity!

Are there any black women who are dating an asian woman here? Or black x asian couples in general? I’m black and my gf is Filipina. I’m visiting the Philippines with my gf and I’ve been having a great time. Everyone’s been super nice. She’s fair skinned and I’m more brown skinned but that’s never been a problem for us. We treat each other with respect and we make sure everyone else does too. Our skin color doesn’t matter to us.

My bf[27M] and I[30F] have been dating for a couple of months. He is from Azerbaijan, I am Asian and Latina but born and raised in the US. We met on a dating app. We have agreed to exclusively date each other when we met. I noticed that he is messaging many girls on social media. Yes, I did go through his phone in front of him. He says that it’s nothing, the conversations mean nothing, and he’s just asking them questions. He tells me that there’s no point in him trying to have a relationship with them because they’re on the other side of the world. I felt some type of way about it because I saw that one of them sent him a pic of themselves and he called them beautiful with heart eyes.
He said that I’m invading his privacy and overreacting, I should look into the dating culture from where he’s from so that I can know that I’m overreacting. To my understanding, men are men no matter where they come from.

Is it normal for Azerbaijani men to act like this or is he gaslighting me?

To keep this short, I'm a POC dating a white man, we both live in the US where racial tension has always been a hot topic, but nowadays more than ever.

Almost all my friends (white or otherwise) are pretty vocal about their political beliefs and who they support. My boyfriend and I also have the same views but we are far less vocal. We are more occupied with other matters in life, like raising our children (from previous marriages, our jobs, etc). We just prefer to not make politics our identity.

Recently, on Instagram, my boyfriend noticed one of my friends liking some videos that mentioned the amount of white male led mass shootings in the US, among other videos that called out white people. Again she liked these videos on Instagram, she did not post them to her story. However, by liking them, it's clear she is resonating with the message.

Now, I disagree with any form of racism, be it towards a POC, a white person etc. That's where I stand and my boyfriend knows this. However he's very upset that my friend is liking these videos and has requested me to have a talk with her. He says I should "defend him" as he's white and these videos are offensive to him. I get where he's coming from, but I also don't think I have a right to tell someone what they can and cannot like on social media. This friend of mine has displayed no racism in person, she has other white friends and even family members. I know she's not racist, but I also know she's dealt with her fair share of racism in life, being a POC.

I have already shared my opinion with her that I think all racism is bad, regardless of who it's directed towards. But for my boyfriend, this isn't good enough. He says this will not get her to change her behavior and she needs to be called out. I feel uncomfortable calling out someone for a couple videos they liked weeks ago on Instagram.

I should note, this also isn't the first time my boyfriend has requested me to confront my friends on his behalf. I'm getting kind of tired of always "disciplining" them for my boyfriend. It's almost embarrassing that I have to keep doing that. And in the past, it's been for minor things, nothing major. It just seems he's got it in his head that I MUST defend him at any instance of the slightest offense.

Tl;dr: boyfriend is upset that my friend is liking content that is calling out white people. Wants me to defend him. I find it odd to call out a grown woman for liking content on social media.

So im a South Asian man (Indian) and ive dated interracially all my life, out of the hundred(+) of women ive dated maybe only like 6 of them were south asian women. I live in a multicultural European country so that is part of the reason.

I dont really have a type though and ive dated lots of women of every other race.

One of the reasons I get so much attention from all types/races of women on dating apps seems to be partially because im in the upper echelon of looks, but more importantly, because it seems women find me racially ambigous (some male friends have also said this to me). I also have a western name.

So south asians are the race that varies the most in looks without being mixed, and we have some overlap with other groups (as one can see with the meme ”global latina belt”).

People from my own group can most of the time see that im south asian, but other groups often mistake me for other things. Personally I know that if you have experience with all groups you would know for sure I can only be south asian.

to give a rough idea of how I look, I have medium brown skin, straight black hair (but usually in a buzz cut), hazel/light brown eyes, masculine facial features while still looking much younger than I am. 6’ feet tall. Muscular build with tatoos.

I notice that a decent ammount of women when they find out im Indian, are seemingly somewhat dissappointed. in a few cases they unmatched and in other cases they avoid the subject after that and act surprised. like they had a preconcieved idea about what indians look like which is proven wrong by my existance and it makes them uncomfortable. Majority of them didnt care though to be fair.

Even in some of my longer situationships were we got somewhat close emotionally in addition to having sex, some of these women didnt want to talk at all about my background (this is especially true for the white women I was dating, but also true for som WoC).

The most annoying examples of this were some black women I was seeing for a long time, and even though it was mostly a sexual relationship, they still wanted to talk about their situation with racism against black people, but werent really interested in talking about racism against south asians (and these women were like Eritrean, or mixed west african/european, not black women from America)

I will say though that some women I dated including black women were sympathetic to my situation, but in most cases race was never a subject we talked about. in my two serious relationships that was basically never a topic, one of these was with a white woman, and the other was with a latina woman.

its just curious why this might be so common and ive often been annoyed by this in the long run because it would be nice to be able to talk about stuff like that without it being forced.

Other factors that might be relevant is that men are usually expected to not complain about stuff in general and that includes racism while for women its more socially acceptable (and in general it seems more socially acceptable for black people to complain about racism compared to other groups).

Mind you all the women ive dated are conventionally attractive so they benefit from pretty privilege which makes racism a bit less prevalent, and im sure I myself benefit from that to some degree as well. Majority of women I dated that didnt talk about the subject at all were white women.

Ive usually been supportive of discussions about racism with the women ive dated in the past but this experience kind of made me avoid the subject completely, anyone else that had a similar experience?

Nolan ​Wells really had me start to question if I should be more selective of whom I date. I still love white men, however, has this and other recent events made some of yall likw me, more fearful or more careful or both?

Hi, I am a 38 F Indian woman living in Germany at the moment. I was in a relationship with a German (white, blonde) man and it ended one and a half years ago. We were both quite fond of each other in the beginning but very soon it turned ugly. There were many issues such as lack of communication, disrespect, mismanaged expectations etc but one thing where I really started losing it was making fun of my culture in private and later on in front of his friends. The jokes started small but then the more I would tell him not to make these jokes, the bigger the jokes would get. He started labelling me as a spoilsport. I tried taking those jokes lightly but it used to piss me off when everyone would be laughing. The whole relationship turned sour very quickly after that. The break up was very long drawn where he just wasn't ready to end things. Anyway once I managed to break up I took therapy to fix my broken confidence after that.

I stayed single for one and a half years and now recently joined the online dating apps (Hinge, Bumble) to get myself out there. I am in a European country so most of the matches are from white men including German, French, Americans, Italians etc. I don't care about race and I didn't have any preconceived notions but somehow with some of these matches, when I got to a 2nd or 3rd date, the men brought up something about my home country in the name of being funny but it would just be something very negative. I try to look at it objectively. I am a rational person and I critique or appreciate things regardless of which country they come from. But I am starting to feel quite hopeless.

I also try to manage such situations with better communication where I try to convey the ground reality politely but apparently I don't come off as a sweet person after that. Fine by me! But I would like to know how I can manage such tricky conversations better? Has anyone faced such things before? I used to think the right minded person wouldn't joke about such a thing but I feel like maybe I am not communicating well. Any tips to navigate racist or cultural remarks in early dating would be welcome.

Edit:

1. Added more info on the nationalities I have dealt with as of now.
2. Edited the last sentence.