r/interracialdating

Hi all!
I’m a 26f Tamil woman dating a midwestern American caucasian man, and it’s my first serious, long term relationship.
To be honest, this has been the first relationship where I’ve felt safe, supported and loved.

However, I’m having trouble navigating an interracial relationship. There are several things that have been on my mind:

1. Dietary differences: I am vegetarian, he is not. We’ve been adjusting when we go out to eat, but cooking at home has been an issue. Whenever he cooks meat (bacon, chicken), it makes me queasy. I’m wondering if this is something that can work out successfully in the long run.
2. Language: I speak Tamil, with my friends, family, etc. I speak English with coworkers, friends, and my boyfriend. Naturally, i switch between Tamil and English.
3. Being able to speak Tamil at this age is something I pride myself on, and I’m afraid that I’ll lose my Tamil skills if I am constantly speaking English to him. Granted, he is learning Tamil for my sake, but I’m afraid it’ll never get to conversational level.
4. This concern also applies to when he comes and hangs out with my family—it’s hard to switch from Tamil to english to make sure he understands, or to constantly translate.
5. Culture: Since I grew up in the US, I’m quite familiar with American culture. However, I can sense he’s struggling to make sense of things in Indian culture.

For example, his entire extended family has met me, knows me as his girlfriend. I have not told my extended family because I want to avoid the questions about marriage.

Regarding families: He’s close with his family, but there’s a certain sense of detachment. His parents have that typical American mindset: you are an adult, you do what you want.” When we go to his house, we sleep in the same room. His family is totally ok with us moving in together before marriage.
My parents? The opposite. They don’t let us sleep in the same room and are not allowing me to move in until we are married. This is causing conflict, because my boyfriend’s perspective is, “You are an adult, you can do what you want.”
My parent’s perspective is, “Why do you have to move in with him first before marrying him?”
They assume that I can figure out compatibility without living together, but I disagree. A lot of things change after moving in together, and I want to explore that before planning a wedding…

I know that was a LOT, but I’d really love to hear how others are navigating their interracial relationships!

Thank you!

I am dating this great guy, I'm Irish/Scottish, and he's black/mixed. Essentially, we both have different kinds of curly hair; mine is curly, his has more texture to it. And we both can't go a day without styling the hair, "taming frizz", etc. I think his hair looks beautiful styled- but I also love it worn naturally. Every time I remind him how much I love his hair, no matter if it's styled or not, he brushes it off. won't entertain the idea of it looking good naturally. I am aware that black hair is held to high standards, has been and still is a feature of discrimination. And it sucks that he feels like his natural texture "has" to be styled or "tamed"

We're both just teenagers, so we don't have a lot of time or money to spend on hair, but any advice in general is appreciated. He is so sweet to me, and I wish he could see what I see

My husband (white 23M) and I (black Jamaican 23F) have been together for almost five years and got married last month. I love him with all my heart and we have a very healthy communication style. Over the years he has grown as a person tremendously and truly listens when I try to explain my experiences as a black woman with an immigrant mom.

He comes from a small town in the south east of the US and can be kind of hot headed. He often talks about expecting respect from everyone around him, even strangers, and I have tried to impress on him how he only can have that perspective because he is a white straight man. He swears it has nothing to do with it.

But I know he doesn’t know what it’s like to be disrespected everywhere you go. If I walked around getting angry at every little slight, I would be eternally pissed at the world around me. It’s just not an option for me.

People have been openly racist to me in public (more like micro-aggressions) and he causes a scene every time. Normally in these situations I would just brush it off but he just won’t.

Have you ever had this kind of conversation with your partner? How would you explain this?

I’ve (BM) have been with my partner (WW) for quite some time now and so far alls been well.

Last week we decided to check out a new spot for an early dinner. We’d both never been there and it looked like it had a nice vibe to it and the weather was great. My partner had some things to finish up so she said she will meet me there so
I went and arrived alone.

The place was majority white patrons. There was only one other BW that was there with a group of friends so anyway that was the lay of the land.

I arrived by myself and ordered a drink while I waited for my partner. I think most of the patrons assumed I’m there to have a drink alone and then leave so no one paid any attention to me which was great and I was cool with it.

Here’s where it got interesting…my partner arrived about 45 mins later and obviously settled down next to me just like any other couple. This is when the whole vibe in the place changed. All of a sudden a handful of men and women started giving us ((mostly me looks). Like they weren’t friendly looks but more like confusion and disbelief. In my mind I was like “it’s 2026 guys not 1906!! This happens a lot!”. One lady gave my partner like a disgusted look and almost like she was saying with her eyes “what’s wrong with you”.

It was just an uncomfortable vibe as soon as most people realized that we were together. I really don’t like this timeline that we live in. Anyone experienced similar? How do you deal?

For context we live in a diverse state but the area we are it isn’t common to see mixed race couples (BM & WW). I mean there are other mixed race couples but yea. Also I’m not looking for sympathy or playing victim, I just wanna figure out what’s going on as best as I can.

Is this normal? Southeast asian woman / Indian Man

I've experienced so much racism from this culture which has me shook cos I love Indian culture and was vegan for 10 years cos I converted to Hinduism. All before I met the guy I'm dating now. At first I thought he was incredibly handsome and sweet but as the years passed I've started to feel incredibly unsafe.

• he's slapped me a few times and seriously injured me once to the point it left scars, his Indian friend who had lived in the UK for majority of his life told me to forgive me because "he loves me and it is how couples fight"

• after he's slapped me even though I've gotten incredibly traumatised, his male AND female friends had told him he is NOT in the wrong because "I should be grateful he is paying for me" (covering my bills)

• he said it is okay for him to cheat on me because in his culture, if the men are unsatisfied it is okay for them to go out if "the woman doesn't do her duty and keeps fighting" ????? Based on personal experience, all his friends cheat on their gorgeous wives with any girl that breathes, they are so proud their wives let them go to strip club. They are amazing mothers and so beautiful so I find it disgusting but he said "the wife got fat and didn't do her duty"

• TWO times Indian girls have hit on him blatantly in front of me, and one even said "I am so surprised you are pretty for an *insert my nationality here*" cos she said most of them view southeast asian as maids and hookers? This was also proudly proclaimed by his friends saying all girls from my country cannot speak English and are hookers (???? Not to brag but i live in the best area of my whole country and am a homeowner, as well as having English as my native language.)

• he made me host his male and female friends, every drink poured by hand,but the same friends lied to my face the same night he was out cheating on me with a white girl....he said I should be grateful cos the girl he was talking to me beforehand was European and he still chose me

• he said I should be grateful someone is willing to cover my bills considring im a massive slut, because l girls who aren't Virgins in his country are considered those (and he said ALL girls from his country only had 2 boyfriends max unlike me who is a "used up whore")

• places emphasis on youth saying every woman above 25 is used, but cheated on me with various 40-50 year old because "they understand the real world"

• he said its OK because he buys me things and supposedly his ex and all others before me "let him f u ck others" because he said it is normal????

I did the whole housewife thing, I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, birthday surprises, every day 3x a day satiation for personal urges, and even scrubbed him in the shower, but I think he will forever look down on me cos im not Indian? He would compare me a lot to his Indian ex saying she is so tidy and lets him do whatever he wants.
He says i am unclean whenever he is angry. But I CAN'T accept these behaviours as well. This is my 1st relationship

I met this sweet boy in one of my college classes a few months ago, and we have been dating officially for about a month now. I met his family, all of whom are incredibly nice and respectful. He’s educated like me, has a big heart like me, and has ambitions like me. The only real difference between us is our race, but I find myself devastated and frustrated thinking about my strict parents overlooking all of his accomplishments and his personality because they will be fixated on the fact that he is black.

They are also already disapproving of the idea of me dating “at such a young age” (turning 22 this year by the way). I really like this man, and I’ve spent enough time making sure that he has good intentions with me too. How do I break the news to my parents? What do I do if I get a bad reaction?

I’m Black, and my partner is a non-Black white latino. I feel like a lot of recurring conflicts arise from tone policing, and reading my expressions and words with a negative bias, (i.e. the tendency to read neutral Black facial expressions as mean or angry vs. reading them as actually neutral on a white person) generally reading me in a skewed negative light. they can be very defensive and also view their perception of me as objective, so I’m hoping for some starting points that feel friendly and approachable.

Hello! I’m a 23 year old Somali/ bantu refugee citizen of America and my boyfriend is a 29 year old white American. We’ve been fine for two years and long story short, things have been a little rough on my end.

My boyfriend watches a lot of “woke bashing” YouTubers including one who think Somalians are dumb and should be deported and when i confronted him for the fourth time about his YouTube of choice, he defends it! Ive been feeling hurt about this for a full day and dont think he deserves the lack of color and whimsy i usually have.

Overall, i feel like a clown and that i betrayed my family and i would like to have a big sister/ brother/ sibling talk about this cause i could sure use it.

i have been talking with a nicaraguan woman for over a month, and just asked her to be my girlfriend. she was so excited; she even said yes! she speaks very little english, and it’s the same for me with spanish… (we use a translation app in person, and the auto translation with iOS messenger to communicate) what would be the best way for me to learn spanish so it’s easier for me to communicate with her? i’d like to teach her english at some point too, so that’s a motivating factor as well. thank you!

This question is mainly for Black women and White women specifically, but if you’re neither, you’re still welcome to leave a comment.

Hi everyone. Black and Mexican girl here. I just need advice on how to go about dating especially when using dating apps. I know people recommend to try out in the wild, but that doesn’t work for me at the moment. I see so many successful stories on social media and even in public with a lot of black women/mixed race and or Hispanic women with getting a boyfriend or husband, but always feel as if it’s so hard for me. With me living in a extremely predominant white area, those are the guys I tend to match with most and within fitting my personality traits and or hobbies. How do you have standards and not feel bad when it comes to having/setting boundaries like requiring dates/effort?

I sadly feel as if in the past when I was on the apps, a lot of guys assumed/guessed me to be a bit easy weather due to my ethnicity or Idk.. even with being straightforward with what I’m looking for and not having promiscuous pictures up. I always feel bad to say no with matches that are low effort within the fear I won’t find anyone or the men will feel like I require too much and I also find myself getting obsessed over the fact I finally find a guy that “likes” me since I don’t get liked much as I don’t go out a lot and live in a small town. I hate getting fetishized and very scared to have another situation like my last “match”, as I was mislead & didn’t see the signs because he wasn’t political(I now know that’s bad as well) and with him growing up in a diverse place/had an mother of his child that is ethnic. Any ladies have any tips? How are ladies even getting to get dates/hangouts and simple effort from guys their interested in without them thinking your an easy time?

I'm a Caribbean man originally from NY and moved to the south before I was old enough to even think about dating.

I don't have any racial or other preferences other than maybe my own Caribbean women (they can be any race).

I like European, African, Asian, Middle Eastern, Caribbean, hispanic and Brazilian women. Literally any race and country.

In the state I live in, NC, I'm just not attracted to 99% the locals.

I mostly talk to what Caribbean women I can find here, hispanic women (since they are the largest immigrant population after US citizens), Indian (although most don't seem to like black guys) and other Asians.

I recently moved to Charlotte, NC and I've never seen more of these 3 things:

BBLs

Transexuals

And interacial couples (mostly black/hispanic or black/Asian)

I speak pretty good Spanish and Portuguese but hispanic communities in NC are mad insular compared to NY or even Miami were I loved before.

I love the Honduran, Salvadoran, Colombian, Venezuelan, Mexican and Peruvian women I'm meeting here but they don't seem to consider non-hispanics at all or take them seriously for the most part.

I'm trying to solve this issue and move back to NY or Miami but in the mean time I'd like to try dating while in NC.

Problem is all of the beautiful women are already taken, or they have kids (I don't care if a woman has kids) and say they are married or in a relationship with their child's dad when they aren't and are single.

So far I've gotten over 10 hispanic women's numbers ranging from early 20's to mid 30's. I approach them respectfully with confidence wherever I see them: the mall, Walmart or the club I work at as a bouncer and tell them I'd like to take them out to a restaurant or see a movie but they have all flaked and ghosted me.

I'm wondering if the women in this city are flakey or if it's the hispanic women I'm talking to in general.

On the flip side I've been using Facebook dating which for some reason is putting me in Latin America ( mostly Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador and Mexico) and I'm absolutely killing it.

What are your experiences dating hispanic women in the US foreign or American born?

I’m a white guy (19 years old) and I realized about a year ago I’ve really only been attracted to black women, but admitting it feels weird. It’s been pure coincidence, I think. I may just have a subconscious preference but admitting it has always felt off, like exclusionary and kinda perverted. I don’t want to be seen as someone who dates solely based on race but that’s what I’m attracted to. Anyone else feel the same/similar?

I’m a Black female transracial adoptee in my late teens, and one frustrating part of interracial attraction is that my attraction to white people gets treated like something that needs to be changed.

I grew up in a mostly white town with white parents, and my strongest emotional connection has always been with my dad. My idea of familiarity, safety, and attraction.

For as long as I can remember, my image of a future boyfriend/husband has been a tall, fair-skinned guy with brown or blond hair, freckles, blue eyes, nerdy, sweet, and handy. As I got older and realized I may not be entirely straight, my girlfriend template formed similarly: fair skin, freckles, brown hair, pleasantly plump, and confident.

The fantasy feels natural to me. Because I’m visibly Black, people expect me to date Black people and seek Black connections. I don't feel any pull.

Something that really gets under my skin is the double standard. A white girl with my exact type would just be seen as having a normal preference. But when I say it, people treat it like internalized racism, a phase, or a “bug in the system.” I hate that my attraction gets turned into something that needs to be edited.

And dating itself is harder because the pool is already small. I have to find someone I’m attracted to, who is genuinely into me and not fetishizing or “testing” something, and who isn’t racially ignorant.

Has anyone else dealt with their interracial dating preferences being treated like a racial betrayal, phase, or psychological issue? If so, what have you done to shake the anxiety and worry about others' opinions?

I’m a western European white woman currently working internationally in Asia and I’ll likely be spending more time in the U.S. (mid west) because I’m dating an African American man seriously for the first time. Also first serious dating experience with someone from the US. My relationship background is mixed, I don't have a racial preference.

I’ve dated Black American men before casually and have many American friends, but I’ve never met family or experienced the U.S. from inside a relationship context before. I’ve also lived/worked in Africa and Asia, so cross-cultural environments are very normal to me.

One thing I’ve noticed in the past is that some Black American men perceived European women as “too relaxed” with male friendships or mixed-gender social dynamics. I’m curious whether that’s actually a common cultural difference you’ve experienced with Western/Northern European women, or if there were other bigger surprises.

I think many Europeans genuinely underestimate how specific and historically complex interracial dynamics are in the U.S. unless they’ve lived there closely. From the outside, people often imagine America as more socially integrated than it actually is.

For Black American men who have dated white European women seriously: what were the biggest cultural differences, positive or negative? Anything you wish you or she had known/handled better?

my partner (Black) and I (white) were watching survivor. one of the players is getting called out for taking his food for granted and not eating all of his chicken off the bone. my partner said it's not his fault because "that's just how white people eat chicken". i investigated this comment and found out that I too, depending on my level of hunger, eat chicken wrong. this is legit the funniest thing ever to me and we've been laughing about it for a minute now. i guess im too scared of the bones 😞 i need to show the chicken who's boss