Trouble navigating Interracial and Intercultural differences
Hi, I am a 38 F Indian woman living in Germany at the moment. I was in a relationship with a German (white, blonde) man and it ended one and a half years ago. We were both quite fond of each other in the beginning but very soon it turned ugly. There were many issues such as lack of communication, disrespect, mismanaged expectations etc but one thing where I really started losing it was making fun of my culture in private and later on in front of his friends. The jokes started small but then the more I would tell him not to make these jokes, the bigger the jokes would get. He started labelling me as a spoilsport. I tried taking those jokes lightly but it used to piss me off when everyone would be laughing. The whole relationship turned sour very quickly after that. The break up was very long drawn where he just wasn't ready to end things. Anyway once I managed to break up I took therapy to fix my broken confidence after that.
I stayed single for one and a half years and now recently joined the online dating apps (Hinge, Bumble) to get myself out there. I am in a European country so most of the matches are from white men including German, French, Americans, Italians etc. I don't care about race and I didn't have any preconceived notions but somehow with some of these matches, when I got to a 2nd or 3rd date, the men brought up something about my home country in the name of being funny but it would just be something very negative. I try to look at it objectively. I am a rational person and I critique or appreciate things regardless of which country they come from. But I am starting to feel quite hopeless.
I also try to manage such situations with better communication where I try to convey the ground reality politely but apparently I don't come off as a sweet person after that. Fine by me! But I would like to know how I can manage such tricky conversations better? Has anyone faced such things before? I used to think the right minded person wouldn't joke about such a thing but I feel like maybe I am not communicating well. Any tips to navigate racist or cultural remarks in early dating would be welcome.
Edit:
- Added more info on the nationalities I have dealt with as of now.
- Edited the last sentence.