Hi so for quick context I'm 18F and i'll call him (the guy I have a crush on) Jack (17M), we're in our senior year of highschool.
I'm sorry if this is butchered, English is not my first language, I'm also sorry this is HELLA long.
So Jack and I have been friends for over a year now. We started out as class neighbords and gradually my feelings grew for him.
We spent a good chunk of last summer texting - after the school year ended - and it was getting maybe a little too much for me? So for some reason around that time I lost my feelings for him.
A couple of months later, I did this horrible thing : i sent him a mean ass text basically telling him to never talk to me again. I felt horrible about it and was genuinely asking myself why I didn't just sort it out just by having a CONVERSATION like a human being but oh well.
He still kept texting me, sending reels and all that. We wouldn't talk nearly as much but we became friendly and then over the past few months we became friends again. And lately we've been texting slightly more so I feel that we've grown a little closer maybe?
HOWEVER when we see each other in real life, we barely say hi, I try starting up a conversation but the wall answers more than him. Mind you, at the very beginning, we started up IRL, now we're basically only on text -_-.
Except that now my feelings came back like they were just on working out vacation for a little, around three to four months ago, stronger this time. It's like he's on my mind all the time EVEN IN MY DREAMS (like leave me alone why TT).
Anyways, back to present day. I'm SICK of feeling like this on my own, cause I feel too ridiculous to talk about this stupid crush that I feel I shouldn't have in the first place to my friends (they would 100% disapprove). Plus I know for a fact there ain't no way he would ever be into me for two reasons: 1/vibes, 2/when I came out to him as bi (a long time ago, one of the first people I came out to) he said something along the lines of "wow I could never be with you cause you're against my religion" DUDE WTF.
That's why I decided to maybe tell him, at least just to get it off my chest (even though that feels wrong too cause why would I burden him with my shi?) I was supposed to do it today but circumstances made that I didn't have the chance and now I'm faced with a couple of options :
1- be buried with it
2- tell him right at the end of the school year, right when I know we'll never see each other again
3- ask him out for this weekend (probably worst option cuz I don't feel like it would work AT ALL)
4- wait for another opportunity in between the short and long-term ones (meaning in a couple of weeks)
I realize this probably sounds hella childish and stupid, maybe I just needed to vent, and I KNOW future me will cringe at myself later on, but I'm stuck.
Anyways Reddit I need your help, clearly thinking about all that on my own has not been effective so I will gladly take advice from a couple of other brain cells PLEASE (don't be too brutal plz).