Problem/Goal: May karapatan ba akong magtampo at magtanim ng sama ng loob sa LIP ng brother-in-law ko? Paano ba yung IDGAF vibe?
Context: Im 30F married to my husband, 30M. My husband has three brothers, 28, 23, 18. 28M has a live-in partner for 7 years. Mag gf/bf na sila since high school sila. So more or less, magkakilala na sila for 10 years or so.
My husband had a previous relationship habang itong BIL ko and his LIP are in a relationship. So itong former gf ng husband ko, bet na bet ni girl. Siguro kasi for 3 years, si ex ang nakakausap ni girl. Actually, until now magkausap pa din sila.
My husband broke up with the ex girlfriend kasi nagcheat si ex. I believe after a month, niligawan naman ako ni husband. We both liked each other, ending naging kami. We were in a gf/bf relationship for over a year before we got married. When we were in a gf/bf relationship, I reached out to my BIL's partner - wanted to be close with her. Actually, naging ok naman kami. But, there will come a time na bigla siyang magiging cold. Di ako kakausapin, di ako papansinin. But, karma really moves mountains, kasi may instances where malalaman ko yung dahilan kung bakit naging cold siya - from other people ko pa malalaman. Turns out, madami pala siya nasasabi behind my back - inggitera, selosa, and ungrateful daw ako. While on my end, super pure naman lahat ng pinapakita ko sa kaniya. So when I found out, ako na mismo yung lumayo.
When my husband and I got married, di pa rin kami ok nung partner ng BIL ko. But when we found out I was pregnant with our firstborn, nag reach out siya. So ako naman, nakipagreconcile din ako. Then again, after a few months, naging cold na naman siya. So ayun ulit, bigla na namang may malalaman ako that she's saying about me behind my back. Ang masakit pa, minsan pati husband ko, nadadamay na sa pangbabackstab niya. Minsan, I would find out that BIL's partner and my husband's ex would talk about me, my married life, and my husband. My friends, who knew about the situation, would sometimes send me screenshots from FB na nagccomment/post reacts pa siya sa posts ni husband's ex.
And sometimes, it hurts me. I wanted a peaceful and harmonious relationship with my BIL's partner. Pero mas masakit for me, yung galit sayo yung tao na wala ka namang ginagawa against her. There would be family reunions/dinners where awkwardness filled the room. Kids' parties where they are invited pero hindi sila pupunta (BIL has kids with her, so we invite them hoping they would come, kahit sana kids lang). Christmas and Year-ender family gatherings where magkakapaan if magbibigay pa ba kami ng gifts or hindi na.
Previous Attempts: Invited their small family to my kid's party last month. But, they opted not to go. Gave individual gifts last Christmas to them (of course, without expecting they would give us something, too). All attempts were routed from my husband to his brother. After all these attempts, blinock kami ng partner ni BIL sa socmed accounts.
How not to be hurt in this kind of relationship with someone na ayaw sayo and clearly wants other people, pero wala ka magawa kasi 'family' kayo? Paano ba yung IDGAF vibe sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, because its taking a toll sa mental health ko?
PS. BIL is very kind and we get along naman, ONLY kapag kami kami lang ng husband ko/family members nila and wala si partner nya in the room/place. But, if nandyan si partner nya, wala na namang pansinan.