Hello,
TL:DR - I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years, and we hardly ever have sex anymore, because I’m no longer physically attracted to her (overweight).
Our relationship is very stable. We laugh together all the time, we talk a lot, not too much social medias, we travel regularly. I consider her to be an extremely intelligent, serious, and reliable person, and I sincerely want to spend the rest of my life with her (we just bought a house). But I can’t lie to myself about this : her body repulses me more and more.
At first (when she was 25), she wasn't overweight ; she worked out with friends and seemed happier. As the years went by, she had less time for friends/sports. She became more tired, less happy. She gained weigh (especially around age 27), which has stayed the same ever since. She has articular pain in her knees, in her ankles. Today, her BMI is 30.9. You should know that we talk about this regularly. Here's what comes up every time:
“I know I’ve gained weight, but either I don’t have time to exercise, or I’m too tired to do it.”
I think she’s doing a bit of work, but i'm sure she could put so more effort to be healthy again. What she actually does : 45 minutes of cardio 1 or 2 times a week at most, plus some little food efforts. I try to convince her to do sport with me, but she often refuses. All we do is go for walks and play badminton for an hour once a month. As for me, I like going to the gym regularly and taking care of myself, but she doesn't like it, so she just doesn't come with me.
This situation is more and more horrible for our couple. The other day, she asked me if I really loved her, to which I replied that yes of course. But here's the thing : when she's naked, I almost don't feel any sexual attraction. I'm less likely to make the first move in bed ; same for her because she feels my lack of libido. When she’s naked in the bathroom, I don't look at her because I don't like her appearance. When she’s in a swimsuit, I tell myself she’s too big for her size. I know my words might sound harsh, but it’s honestly true, and it’s causing us both pain.
I’d like to know how to talk about this with her.
- Could I be more direct ?
- Shouldn’t I tell her that her body no longer makes me want to have sex ?
- Should I say nothing when she’s eating junk food ?
Thank you very much.