Just woke up from a 10-year coma. Discovered my partner (BPD/Covert Narc)
I need to vent and hopefully hear from people who have survived this mindfuck.
I’ve been married for 10 years. For a decade, I played the ultimate caretaker and savior. I did all the cooking, paid all the bills , isolated myself from my loving parents, and absorbed her daily crises, illnesses, and physical abuse (slaps, scratches). I always excused it, thinking: "She’s sick, it's not her fault, she can’t control her emotions."
Recently, the fog lifted. I realized she fits the exact profile of BPD comorbid with Covert Narcissism. But the most soul-crushing part? The "unwanted errors" and "uncontrollable breakdowns" were highly calculated, Machiavellian manipulations.
I feel so angry and stupid for gobbling up her lies. I gave her everything. what makes me more disapointed is that she does'nt need these manipulations with to have what she wants.
my emotional elastic has completely snapped. I feel empty. But sometimes, I still get hit by this sickening wave of "pity" when I see her crying, even though I know she's a predator.
How do you digest the fact that a decade of your empathy and sacrifices were just fuel for a parasite? How do you permanently kill the "caregiver guilt" when you walk out the door?
