Please help
16M i only lived love through a screen and got dumped i overthink at every ocasion i have suicidal toughts i was at my worst last year and im getting similar to what already happened i have no friends,no flirts no family members that love me my dad constantly mocks me for whatever reason he can gind my mom is good hearted but tbh she isnt intelligent enough to help anyone not even herself i have a big sister that i hate because she made me go through hell and come back as a child i have a little sister who i doubt will become a school bop in her future speaking of future i dont think i will even have one past 20 i cant find any solutuon to anything i have i guck up everything i tale part in i am a weirdo witout friends,family,money,ambition and im not even that ugly,i try to have a good personality i am addicted to porn and doomscrolling i have a date with a genuinely good looking and good behavior(ideology and way to be) girl in 2 weeks and she started ghosting me saying her family found out she was using her phone during class and told her to be focused on studies we started going no conctact since this morning and there where already rumors about me being ghosted at school i genuinely dont know if she is lying to my face and trying to manipulate me i am mentally unstable i hate myself in every way shape and form i ruin whatever i create because i cant bear to watch something made by such a creature i dont even really want to end that shit i just dont want to be the cause why everyone else's life is worse i am a fucking chud please help me i dont know what to do i can only think of blowing my shit i cant pass 2 hours witout thinking of it i never did sh but its getting tempting at that point,i stopped smoking and my only dream is to chainsmoke all night i hate everything about the miserable creature that i am