r/depressed

I am thinking about ending my life. I do not have a plan but I am thinking about it. I am thinking about jumping off my balcony. I am thinking of crashing my car into a wall. I am thinking on overdosing on heroin. I am thinking about cutting myself. I am thinking about jumping off a bridge. I am thinking about hanging myself. I am thinking about buying a gun but I would most likely survive a self inflicted gunshot wound. I am thinking about ending my life.

Can i please vent to someone? I feel horrible my anxiety is going crazy can i talk to someone? Preferablyt anorher girl i have trauma wirth men so im not very comfortable with them

I'm looking to end my life.

I've been in a long journey.

Quit my job today.

So I could just leave this world cleanly. Tying up loose threads.

Tired now..

I am depressed and feeling alone. I feel like i just need to talk to someone around my age. I would prefer it to be a woman ( just to see their perspective on my marriage and life)but really just need to talk. Is there a good website to find people that just want to talk?

I doubt I'm not the only one who feels this way but the current political situation has made my depression much worse. I don't watch the news anymore because it feels like it's nothing but tragedy. This past 10 years has been a nightmare for me and the country.

FINAL AND LAST POST:

38 Female

Im sorry, I reposted this before. I apologise, if anybody found it annoying.

I can longer see a future anymore. Im making final plans to end it, this Tuesday.

I have faced this dead end multiple times.

Life is getting harder, due to the cost of living and finanicial issues. I dont see any hope for the future.

I get no enjoynent out of life anymore. Every day is unbearable. I havs suffered from mental health issues since my early 20's.

At 38 I really feel like life is over and I cant see no way forward anymore, beyond Tuesday.

I just feel numb and empty.

Every year is getting worse

Nothing is getting better. I struggled with suicidal thoughts, since I was an teenager.

I have come to a dead end and see absoutely no way forward. Monday is my final day here.

I just wanted to get it off my chest, before I go

we've dated and broken up before this, so I'm not worried about anything changing since we're also best friends and we both get over this type of thing quickly. when he told me he wanted to break up with me, he said it was because he wasn't sure the relationship is healthy. He tells me his bad habits, but I haven't been. he said he wanted to start to work on himself and for me to work on myself. I told him I would try to, but I have no idea how. I still love him platonically of course and I want to change for him, but I don't know where to start or how I'm supposed to start getting better. I find comfort in the pain and emptiness I feel now but I feel I might get worse rather than better. I don't want to get better for myself.

Hi I’m a 24F also a mum to a 6 year old. I have never felt this lost in my life and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself. I have no social life as since having my daughter I isolated myself a lot and was only spending time with her dad we lasted a good 5 years until we split ( my fault). We split back in 2024 and since then I had to find myself as I didn’t know who I was without him. At first it was hard then I felt free and it felt fun. Then last year April I was unfortunately graped. This took a toll on my mental health it absolutely turned my daughters dad against me and he took me to court for full custody ( just recently won and got a order that she lives with me full time) anyways in the middle of all this my grandad who was like a father to me falls ill. I move him into my home, gave up my bedroom etc. then he passes away. I also had a bad drinking problem as I was using drink to cope last year ( I don’t drink anymore only socially). Pretty much lost all my friends and anyone still around we don’t speak regularly and we don’t meet up at all. My life consists of school runs and going food shopping. Also taking my daughter park and fun activities she wants to do. I have no life, no job nothing. I do have a level 3 national diploma in health and social care which is only because when my daughter was born after she turned 1 month old I went straight into college hardest two years of my life but worth it. I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post but I’m on benefits and this is not the life I wanted I imagined myself working full time I also have a fear to work because I’m signed off work due to my mental health I get limited capability with universal credit and pip and I’m scared that what if I’m not in a better place mentally to work and I throw myself in and then lose my benefits and then lose the job and then really have nothing. Maybe this is why they call it the benefit trap. Separately I just don’t understand how all this happened like after my grandad passed last year July I then was in a domestic abuse relationship he did so much to me and I’m now traumatised lost my house , belongings etc had to start over again . I have a new place and got all the stuff back slowly bought over time on payment plans. Why do I feel so empty? Everyday is the same … is it a job I need? Is it friends ? Am I grieving my grandad? Or did I just mess up have a child young though it was all going to work out with her dad and it didn’t? Let me add after me and her dad split I rekindled with my ex before him and they really do say ex for a reason he used me for my love , kindness and money and then kicked me to the curb AGAIN just like he did years ago. I feel so depressed the only joys in my life is my child, music, Netflix and I enjoy poetry/writing even though I don’t do it as much. Just to add I think not having friends drew me into speaking to different men and dating as they have all been assholes and I just don’t even know who I am anymore or what I want. I just know I’m not happy and hate my life. I don’t know what I want from this post just something I guess… thanks for reading!

Final and last post:

Making final plans, to give up on life this Monday.

Sunday is my final day here.

I just wanted to get it off my chest. Before I go this Monday

Life is too overwhelning and heavy. I struggled with suicidal thoughts, since I was an teenager

Every year, is getting worse not better.

I just wish I had the courage, to end my life years ago

Hi, I was in a relationship with a guy, a really good guy I was in love with him all I wanted was him and he cheated on me.

We stayed together for 6 months, but it was the love of my life.

He cheated 5 times, I accepted that because of the love that I had. He cheated with some girls, they were beautiful. I was just sad looking at these girls like am I ugly or idk what these girls had more than me?

He told me beautiful things, he talked about me to his family and same for me. His friends knew me and they loved me. Saying that I was the only girl who really loved him and cared for him. That I was the beautiful one lol.

After 6 months, I finally let him go of my life like he wanted. And he told me that he was sick and made all this mess up bc of that bc he knew that I would be hurt. He also told me that he knows that I give him my heart, body and yea.. some things i didn’t do in my all 18 years of life lol. He also said that he knows that he ruined my life. Yes he did because I’ve lost 12 pounds in 2 months and I only cared about him. My mom told me that she knew that something was wrong and I denied it. My friends told me the same but I didn’t care, because I loved him. With my all heart.

And now, I’m insecure, I’m scared to be loved and used after all the love I gave. I’m depressed (I’m diagnosed.) but this story makes me cry all time. I don’t love him anymore, I hate him so much. I really do. But I can’t stop crying, I can’t.

Please I just need someone who I can talk with or some person who can tell me a same story and how did they do to be happy again. Thank u.

I’ve been feeling so numb lately… It all started last year in 8th grade. I don’t know what exactly happened, but I just randomly got super depressed? Like I’d cry myself to sleep every night, have thoughts of dying, I even stopped eating and taking care of myself. Then I just woke up one day and I could barely cry anymore?? I try to but nothing comes out, it’s not just sadness either. Ever since then I haven’t feel strongly about anything. Only time I ever feel happy is when I’m asleep or unconscious.

I diden’t write them yet but i will. I was thinking about giving them to my friends and hope they open them when I die

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard.

37 Female

Life is too overwhelming and heavy.

I had suicidal thoughts since I was 16.

I dont see any future anymore or no way forward.

Life is getting harder with the cost of living.

I get no enjoyment or happiness out of life anymore. I lost interest in everything also.

Im sorry for anybody else who cant see a way out.

I have been wanting to end my life, the past year and a half, but I know longer see a way out.

Nothing helps anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago.

Hi, I am going to keep this short. I (25f) been going through a lot and to be honest, I think it’s time for me to go. I have a kid (1f) and a pretty horrible partner (31m), and I just can’t handle them both anymore. I do so much for both of them and sacrificed everything, he’s very emotionally and sexually abusive to me and if I leave he will take my daughter, or he threats to “take my life” if i leave with her. She screams and screams no matter what I do for her, and I am so tired of it. 24/7 dealing with this, I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m thinking about writing a note to my boyfriend tonight and family later on telling them I’m sorry for doing it but I need to be free from my mind and life. I have no other family, and I do not have friends. I’m sorry, but I just wanna relax for once and be free from everything.

I just had a gun to my head. A 5 slot revolver, didn't know which slot had a bullet in it because I spun it like I was playing fucking Russian roulette. I held it up to my head, but instead of cocking it and pulling the trigger, instead, I called 988. After hyperventilating and info dumping and wasting that poor girl's time, I hung up and walked home. Is that an attempt? Did I survive a suicide attempt or am I just a fucking coward?

I mainly did the Russian roulette thing to try to follow through. Figured if 5 trys at 20% chance didn't work id add more bullets. Thought that 80% of not dying would make me more likely to pull the trigger since im a fucking coward. Couldn't even cock the damn thing once.

I'l try to keep my post short but basicaly i had been trough hell my entire life. Grief, trauma, abuse, bullying you name it. I had setback after setback and i botled all my feelings up my entire life for decades never even raised my voice even though i had been pushed past my breaking point years ago. One day i completely snapped in a public place and sadly hurt some people very badly and i destroyed a lot. I feel like a monster im haunted by what i did and i hate myself for it. Can i please vent to someone else whos completely snapped?. Preferably another girl im not very comfortable with men due to past trauma. I feel like someone with the same experience might understand and wont judge

I feel so disassociated from reality, I'm in so much pain all the time & I feel like the only way to stop this is by killing myself

I am so fucking miserable, almost every night I've held a knife to my neck wanting to kill myself, but I've never had the courage. I fear if this doesn't get better anytime soon I may actually do it. I've become so depressed & self destructive & suicidal because of this situation. I really feel like this event is going to be the death of me

I want to die right now I want to die painfully because I am a monster I deserve to die.

I'm 15 (born in 2011), and I'm struggling with an unbelievable amount of anxiety about something that happened recently.

I was scrolling through TikTok and saw a girl who genuinely looked around my age to me, or possibly even a little older. She had heavy makeup on and was using a filter, so I didn't think anything was unusual. I briefly thought she was attractive and then kept scrolling without thinking much about it.

Later, I found out that I had been completely wrong about her age. From what I understand, she was born around 2013.

The moment I found out that she was younger, I immediately lost all attraction toward her and all attention or interest toward her whatsoever. It wasn't gradual. It happened immediately when I found out her age. I no longer saw her as attractive in that way at all. I felt genuinely horrified and disgusted by the situation. I felt physically ill, I genuinely wanted to vomit, and I felt like I was going to throw up because of what I had just realized. I was completely overwhelmed by panic and disgust.

I need to emphasize that as soon as I found out she was younger, all attraction and attention disappeared immediately. I did not continue feeling attracted to her after finding out her age. The realization that she was younger was what caused me to feel physically sick, disgusted, and terrified.

It's now been about a month, and I still can't get this out of my head. I keep replaying the situation constantly and trying to figure out what it means about me. I've spent huge amounts of time crying, panicking, checking things, and trying to work out her exact age (cause what if she was younger than 2013??? We can't ever know). Even now, when I think about the situation, I still feel physically sick and nauseous. I genuinely wanted to vomit when I found out, and I still feel that same physical sickness when I think about it.

This has gone far beyond ordinary guilt or anxiety. I am genuinely suicidal over this. I have been seriously considering killing myself because I'm terrified that this means I'm a disgusting or horrible person. These aren't just thoughts that briefly cross my mind, I've been thinking about dying every single day for a month now, because I feel like I can't live with the possibility that something is seriously wrong with me.

I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to die. At the same time, I'm genuinely scared that I might eventually do something to myself because this has become so overwhelming.

I genuinely believed she was around my age when I saw her, and finding out later that I was wrong has completely destroyed me mentally. The fact that I immediately lost all attraction and attention when I found out she was younger, and that I felt physically sick and wanted to vomit, is something I keep thinking about too, because I cannot stop analyzing the situation and what every part of my reaction supposedly means.

I've also struggled with intrusive thoughts and obsessive fears about being a horrible person for a long time, which is why I'm wondering whether this could be some form of POCD/OCD, but I genuinely don't know how to get out of this mental loop, and I'm scared of what I might do to myself if I can't.

I genuinely want to die so fucking bad, someone kill me already"

So yeah, i really think my life may end because of this situation so yikes... I physically cannot move on from this situation, I'm ruining my life because of this. I don't even feel worthy to talk to my friends anymore because of this event, they would think i'm a monster.

I'm losing everything because this happened, I'm doing this to myself because I've started to really fucking hate myself because of this event, I'm a disgusting piece of shit.

Final and last post:

I will be 38 this Friday. I find life too overwhelming and heavg.I just feel trapped been here.

I get no happiness or enjoyment out of life anymore.

Im really sorry for anybody else who cant see a way out. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago

Life is getting harder. I dont have the coping skills to cope with life.

Goodbye 💕

I feel hopeless, I feel suicidal, I may kill myself

I'm desperate for reassurance, I've posted this in like a million different subforums & like a million different people have supported me incredibly well, like hundreds of people have supported me, but no matter what anyone says, no matter anything that happens, I still feel this way, nothing can help me.

I know I've reposted this like a MILLION times, so i'm really sorry if anyone has seen this same post like a thousand times. I know it's probably like REALLY annoying. But I'm hopeless dude, this is everything I got, u guys supporting me is the only thing I've got. I am so fucking miserable, almost every night I've held a knife to my neck wanting to kill myself, but I've never had the courage. I fear if this doesn't get better anytime soon I may actually do it. I've become so depressed & self destructive & suicidal because of this situation. I really feel like this event is going to be the death of me

(here's the event btw, if you don't know it already)

"I want to die right now

I want to die painfully because I am a monster

I deserve to die.

I'm 15 (born in 2011), and I'm struggling with an unbelievable amount of anxiety about something that happened recently.

I was scrolling through TikTok and saw a girl who genuinely looked around my age to me, or possibly even a little older. She had heavy makeup on and was using a filter, so I didn't think anything was unusual. I briefly thought she was attractive and then kept scrolling without thinking much about it.

Later, I found out that I had been completely wrong about her age. From what I understand, she was born around 2013.

The moment I found out that she was younger, I immediately lost all attraction toward her and all attention or interest toward her whatsoever. It wasn't gradual. It happened immediately when I found out her age. I no longer saw her as attractive in that way at all. I felt genuinely horrified and disgusted by the situation. I felt physically ill, I genuinely wanted to vomit, and I felt like I was going to throw up because of what I had just realized. I was completely overwhelmed by panic and disgust.

I need to emphasize that as soon as I found out she was younger, all attraction and attention disappeared immediately. I did not continue feeling attracted to her after finding out her age. The realization that she was younger was what caused me to feel physically sick, disgusted, and terrified.

It's now been about a month, and I still can't get this out of my head. I keep replaying the situation constantly and trying to figure out what it means about me. I've spent huge amounts of time crying, panicking, checking things, and trying to work out her exact age (cause what if she was younger than 2013??? We can't ever know). Even now, when I think about the situation, I still feel physically sick and nauseous. I genuinely wanted to vomit when I found out, and I still feel that same physical sickness when I think about it.

This has gone far beyond ordinary guilt or anxiety. I am genuinely suicidal over this. I have been seriously considering killing myself because I'm terrified that this means I'm a disgusting or horrible person. These aren't just thoughts that briefly cross my mind, I've been thinking about dying every single day for a month now, because I feel like I can't live with the possibility that something is seriously wrong with me.

I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to die. At the same time, I'm genuinely scared that I might eventually do something to myself because this has become so overwhelming.

I genuinely believed she was around my age when I saw her, and finding out later that I was wrong has completely destroyed me mentally. The fact that I immediately lost all attraction and attention when I found out she was younger, and that I felt physically sick and wanted to vomit, is something I keep thinking about too, because I cannot stop analyzing the situation and what every part of my reaction supposedly means.

I've also struggled with intrusive thoughts and obsessive fears about being a horrible person for a long time, which is why I'm wondering whether this could be some form of POCD/OCD, but I genuinely don't know how to get out of this mental loop, and I'm scared of what I might do to myself if I can't.

I genuinely want to die so fucking bad, someone kill me already"

So yeah, i really think my life may end because of this situation so yikes... I physically cannot move on from this situation, I'm ruining my life because of this. I don't even feel worthy to talk to my friends anymore because of this event, they would think i'm a monster.

I'm losing everything because this happened, I'm doing this to myself because I've started to really fucking hate myself because of this event, I'm a disgusting piece of shit.