u/IIllIIlllllIIIIlIIll

Being poor.

I have 3 in my 12th house, so no spousal support, no family support, career also in 12th.

Wonder how a person could survive without any given support or self sustainability opportunity.

I work hard a lot, as you know 17 years in Jupiter and 19 years in Saturn Mahadasha back to back, is no comfort in there. I'm not going into detail as to what happen, but it can break a lot in a person with the journey I've walked on.

Since now I am battling unemployment, my financial been digging deep. I looked around me, and everyone don't have to go through this. And I coming from a long battle without rest, I'm tired and been thinking bad thoughts. Because what's not to, if I can blame it all in 12th house. As much as I do not want to talk astrology seriously, being read and having reading my own chart, I can say it is accurate. So... take it as a pinch of salt, I don't know how one is to live such a hard house in their entire life. I cannot imagine how I'm to be living like yhis till 60s or 70s. I think I'm done giving chances and working hard trying to turn tables for the past 30 years and am just as good as call it off.

I have 3 in my 12th house, Sun, Jupiter and Mercury.

Absent father absent family, but doesn't mean physically absent, the narcissist mother is abusive in many ways and the father as flying monkey and enabler.

Now support is gone, the foundation.

But it also affect my career and wealth, and I can't seem to get out of the abusive relationship. No help, nothing. Even the only independent help I get, doesn't seem to bloom.

It's being stuck while having 10000% of perception and awareness. It's painful and hopeless.

Because I build so much on my own. Nothing is ease nor carried by life or people.

But what I built kept losing. And birth charts were supposed to follow us till the end of our lives?

Especially work, and money and all the good thing that gets lost but the bad things stays.

The loneliness creeps back up, the isolation is just too much sometimes even though it has been this way for a long time yet I still can't get used to it.

3 in 12th house.

Life has constantly not been easy, effortful and lots of hard earned self build good things, always, almost reached me but then turned to "loss" and I'm having to grief.

It is not an easy house.

I've just been thinking how are you guys coping with such constant loss, under recognize, hidden and grief constantly.

I have three planets in the 12th house, and honestly… I’ve had way too many instances of weird, supernatural, spiritual, psychic, witchy type things happening in my life.

I’m not saying I’m special or anything. I’ve met people who are on a completely different level when it comes to the witchy/psychic stuff.

But my most recent Murphy’s Law meets bad luck meets witchy nonsense incident happened, and at this point I’m blaming the 12th house because I have to blame somewhere.

Especially because when I started looking deeper into my chart, I kept getting this whole monastery / retreat / spirituality / isolation / foreign land / moksha kind of symbolism from the 12th house.

Meanwhile, I’m over here actively trying to be an atheist and wondering:

“Why does my chart keep trying to send me to God when I’m trying very hard to unsubscribe?”

And then there’s the whole house of loss, grief, isolation, surrender, hidden things, etc. theme, which makes me wonder if I’ve somehow been spectacularly bad at doing the whole non self sabotage thing.

I’m also currently in the last six months of a 19 year long Saturn Mahadasha, after what felt like a pretty brutal Jupiter Mahadasha before that.

So honestly, I’m tired.

It feels like I’ve spent years getting one spiritual lesson after another when I never even signed up for the course.

So, fellow 12th housers, do you have any genuinely weird psychic, supernatural, spiritual, witchy, synchronicity heavy, or “I cannot explain what just happened” or "No one would've believe it" experiences?

Especially if you have a heavily activated 12th house.

I want to know whether this is actually a 12th house thing or whether my chart is just personally committed to trolling me.

I thought quitting my toxic workplace would make me happy. That I'd be resting, be away to recover.

But now that I'm out. I feel so empty and lost.

I don't think I cam keep trying. I see no purpose. I see no ending that I'd want.

Im only in my 30s but I felt like I have been through a lot and enough that the future were no different nor promising.

I don't see to try so life would be any different.

Spirituality, healing, psychology, self help books, motivation books, exercise, nature, therapist, counselling, astrology charts, palmistry, tarots, certificates, books, further education, meditation, travel, etc. So much so much.

I did so much. I tried so hard.

And I just can't do it to turn the tables.

Supernova blackhole.

Loss. Grievance. Pain. "Lessons" that shouldn't even be a lesson.

Done being patience for 33 years.

I've been ill and still required to be forced to work. And ends up in the worst company ever.

It breaks me more and more inside.

I am unable to hold onto it anymore. I felt like things are overwhelming and burning me. I don't know what is the end to it. Sometimes there are bad things that are worst than death. And that is the one I am most afraid of.

Sun, Mercury and Jupiter in 12h.

I felt certain in career, yet uncertain and since life is constantly in a loss and all that. I am confused with my future and life path. Considering everything I tried to build, earn, worked on, learn, try out different areas of everything.. it dissolves.

Relationship, career, self, family etc

So I'm in a phase of wondering if just sitting in 12 house is that feeling of confused. Like nothing lands, no home, no belonging, all dissolving, all lost.

With the house of loss and hidden and hardship guaranteed.

Most people who took their lives, do you think they are the ones unable to come out / graduate the tough cycles or placement?

I'm looking to end my life.

I've been in a long journey.

Quit my job today.

So I could just leave this world cleanly. Tying up loose threads.

Tired now..

Leaving with 24 hour notice and going MIA. Anyone done this before?

I joined this really bad company two weeks ago, and it turns out the business may be operating somewhere between grey and illegal. They told me it was an AI company, but after joining, I started hearing people casually use words like online gambling and crypto. Salaries are paid in cash, and I have been handed bundles of cash to pay vendors.

I was never given an employment contract, even after asking for it. And being promised by it.

Comoany documents has not directors signature, and when required, they started using the local employee's and now since I joined, one of the documents they wanted to use mine.

Visitors are apparently not allowed to take photographs, yet someone took a photo of my face with the company signboard behind me. The moment it happened, my gut screamed danger. I felt as though my face could now be connected to something I never knowingly agreed to be involved in.

For the past two weeks, I have worked 13 to 14 hours almost every day without proper breaks. I worked Saturdays and spent the weekend running work errands. There are no public holidays or sick leave. The salary increment I was promised never happened, many current employees had lost that salary increment because a new management took over and dismisses it, the employees were frothing, and even I was given twice or three times the workload for the same money.

One night, I left work at around 10:30 p.m. My foot gave out and I fell on the way home. My bum landed, and I sat on the ground beside the road while cars passed and people stared. I was so exhausted that I did not even want to move. Eventually, I forced myself up and walked home unsteadily.

I have had enough. I genuinely cannot work another day there.

The woman I replaced also went MIA. She took the company laptop, phone and petty cash with her, gave no handover and stopped replying to messages. Apparently, many employees before me left either with 24 hour notice or by going completely MIA.

I have worked for a decade and have never disappeared from a job. The thought of doing it now scares me because this would be a first in my entire career. I at least want to give 24 hour notice, rush through the handover, return the access card and hand over the relevant logins and passwords before cutting contact.

I already expect them to withhold the salary I earned. Part of me feels so angry and cornered that I want to hold onto the cheap company laptop because what they owe me is worth far more than the laptop itself. I know that could create another problem for me, but that is honestly how exploited and desperate I feel right now.

My body has already started giving up, and I no longer feel safe or motivated being connected to this company.

What should I do for the MIA? Do I even text them that I'm leaving within 24 hour notice? Or just do the same by blocking everyone without informing?

And I know I can't do it.

I'm in my mid 30s and I've already felt like I had enough.

It is such a shame that I have to live long. I wish I was a short lived person.

I have been through a lot. And this... I'm afraid another say of hustle or dangerous situation or pain or despair or whatever it is, I'm not ready for another resilience life.

I had Jupiter Mahadasha for 16 years, starting from the age of zero to sixteen.

Jupiter is my functional malefic. For Libra rising, Jupiter rules the sixth house, which is enemies, obstacles, servitude and the third. It sits in ny twelfth house, hidden. And it's mt Gnatikaraka, the enemy significator. So life has been hard since my formative years.

Then Saturn took over for nineteen years, the dues collector following the enemy ruler. Back to back, the two hardest possible administrations, covering birth to age thirty four.

Entering Mercury Mahadasha next year Feb 2027 for seventeen years, roughly 9 good years, 7 workable years, 1 hard year.

I'm not looking forward to Mercury Mahadasha, becauae it is some other kind of trouble. And hard effort. Legal, verbal conflict, written conflict, documents slowed, visa rejected, etc. Mercury is my twelve house.

I'm running in high anxiety and fear. I'm unemployed. Pushed out of job because of work politics, I delivered results, they stole my work, took the credit and made me out saying my position is made redundant when they've extracted everything.

I'm scared to go out to the world, get jobs, go for interviews. I fear for life. I fear for another long hardships. I already know career is my weakest planet, it will be hidden and applied the same everywhere I go. I don't think I can do it.

Anyone running their Saturn Mahadasha feel such fear to live?

I had Jupiter Mahadasha for 16 years, starting from the age of zero to sixteen.

Jupiter is my functional malefic. For Libra rising, Jupiter rules the sixth house, which is enemies, obstacles, servitude and the third. It sits in ny twelfth house, hidden. And it's mt Gnatikaraka, the enemy significator. So life has been hard since my formative years.

Then Saturn took over for nineteen years, the dues collector following the enemy ruler. Back to back, the two hardest possible administrations, covering birth to age thirty four.

Entering Mercury Mahadasha next year Feb 2027 for seventeen years, roughly 9 good years, 7 workable years, 1 hard year.

I'm not looking forward to Mercury Mahadasha, becauae it is some other kind of trouble. And hard effort. Legal, verbal conflict, written conflict, documents slowed, visa rejected, etc. Mercury is my twelve house.

I'm running in high anxiety and fear. I'm unemployed. Pushed out of job because of work politics, I delivered results, they stole my work, took the credit and made me out saying my position is made redundant when they've extracted everything.

I'm scared to go out to the world, get jobs, go for interviews. I fear for life. I fear for another long hardships. I already know career is my weakest planet, it will be hidden and applied the same everywhere I go. I don't think I can do it.

Anyone running their Saturn Mahadasha feel such fear to live?

Do it. Because another day with them is anither day of allowing them to abuse you, your being, life force and energy is sucked out.

And also another day lesser to heal and gain back your sense of self and most importantly, a day of peace.

I'm in my mid 30s, I should have done it sooner.

I am planning on no contact soon. Never a day I live is without the hope, the prayer of "I want to get the fuck out of here, and hope I'd cut ties". Disgusting woman. She gave birth once, but she don't owe you anything more foe decades worth of extraction and abuse.

Trigger warning of child sexual assault, molestation. Stop reading from here.

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My mother knew. That's the part I can't get past.

I'm starting to realise that some of my strongest trauma triggers aren't just connected to my father, they're connected to my mother too.

My father has repeatedly behaved in ways that I experienced as sexually violating. He would time it so we'd end up in the same space, watch me while I bent down, stare at my chest or my buttocks, and find reasons to position himself close to me. Certain phrases he used, like "Let Daddy buy it," now make me feel physically sick because of what I associate them with.

I had been molested and abused by my dad. On top of having and going through having a narc mother.

From my perspective, she knew. She saw enough over the years to recognise what was happening, yet she never protected me or said anything. She let it happen. She never removed me from the situation. She never stood between us. Instead of stepping in, she let it continue. Instead, I felt like I was left to manage it on my own.

Sometimes I wonder if that's the wound that runs even deeper, not only living with someone I experienced as predatory, but growing up with the knowledge that the parent who was supposed to protect me didn't.

Has anyone else found that the lack of protection from the narc mother became its own trauma?

Has anyone else with CSA experiences developed an aversion to certain phrases because of what they became associated with?

A memory has been coming back to me.

After he'd do things that made me deeply uncomfortable such as watching me, timing when I'd be alone, staring at my body (breast and ass) later he'd say things like:

"Let Daddy buy it."

Or,

"Daddy will pay for it."

It was never anything big. Usually sweets. Fruit. Lunch. A drink.

Looking back, I don't know if it was coincidence, grooming, or something else. But those phrases now make my stomach turn.

I hate hearing them.

It's strange how something that sounds caring on the surface can become contaminated by the person saying it.

Has anyone else experienced certain words or phrases becoming triggering because of who said them and what they came to represent?