I feel so lost….
Hi I’m a 24F also a mum to a 6 year old. I have never felt this lost in my life and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself. I have no social life as since having my daughter I isolated myself a lot and was only spending time with her dad we lasted a good 5 years until we split ( my fault). We split back in 2024 and since then I had to find myself as I didn’t know who I was without him. At first it was hard then I felt free and it felt fun. Then last year April I was unfortunately graped. This took a toll on my mental health it absolutely turned my daughters dad against me and he took me to court for full custody ( just recently won and got a order that she lives with me full time) anyways in the middle of all this my grandad who was like a father to me falls ill. I move him into my home, gave up my bedroom etc. then he passes away. I also had a bad drinking problem as I was using drink to cope last year ( I don’t drink anymore only socially). Pretty much lost all my friends and anyone still around we don’t speak regularly and we don’t meet up at all. My life consists of school runs and going food shopping. Also taking my daughter park and fun activities she wants to do. I have no life, no job nothing. I do have a level 3 national diploma in health and social care which is only because when my daughter was born after she turned 1 month old I went straight into college hardest two years of my life but worth it. I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post but I’m on benefits and this is not the life I wanted I imagined myself working full time I also have a fear to work because I’m signed off work due to my mental health I get limited capability with universal credit and pip and I’m scared that what if I’m not in a better place mentally to work and I throw myself in and then lose my benefits and then lose the job and then really have nothing. Maybe this is why they call it the benefit trap. Separately I just don’t understand how all this happened like after my grandad passed last year July I then was in a domestic abuse relationship he did so much to me and I’m now traumatised lost my house , belongings etc had to start over again . I have a new place and got all the stuff back slowly bought over time on payment plans. Why do I feel so empty? Everyday is the same … is it a job I need? Is it friends ? Am I grieving my grandad? Or did I just mess up have a child young though it was all going to work out with her dad and it didn’t? Let me add after me and her dad split I rekindled with my ex before him and they really do say ex for a reason he used me for my love , kindness and money and then kicked me to the curb AGAIN just like he did years ago. I feel so depressed the only joys in my life is my child, music, Netflix and I enjoy poetry/writing even though I don’t do it as much. Just to add I think not having friends drew me into speaking to different men and dating as they have all been assholes and I just don’t even know who I am anymore or what I want. I just know I’m not happy and hate my life. I don’t know what I want from this post just something I guess… thanks for reading!