TW: Emotional abuse / sexual pressure
I’m about 3 months out of a breakup, and I feel like I’m only just starting to process how much it affected me.
As I’ve been reflecting, I’ve realised a pattern across multiple past relationships. There was often this subtle kind of pressure around sex, not overt force, but being made to feel like it was necessary to keep the relationship stable, to keep them happy, or to avoid conflict or rejection. Even if I went along with it, it didn’t always feel like a fully free choice.
I’m starting to recognise how much that’s impacted the way I feel about my body and intimacy. Right now, I feel really disconnected from myself, and it’s confusing and honestly a bit overwhelming.
I don’t think any of my exes would necessarily see their behaviour as harmful, which makes it harder to process, but I’m beginning to understand that just because something is common or subtle doesn’t mean it’s okay. I do feel this sort of thing has been normalised in a lot more relationships then we think. It's actually a pretty serious problem.
Their love only really extended to the access they had to my body, and when that access stopped, for whatever reason, their understanding and support stopped.
I’m planning to go back to therapy when I can, but in the meantime I wanted to ask: has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you start working through it and reconnecting with yourself?
I’d really appreciate hearing from others who’ve been through something similar.