WE ARE NOTT ALL THE SAME! The stigma around BPD is exhausting and I’m tired of it!!
TW: GENERAL mention of abusive behaviors (no details)
TLDR AT END OF POST
Please take this down if it’s not allowed, I did read all the rules but sometimes my AuDHD makes it hard to comprehend things. I’m not generalizing anyone, I’m not trying to bring anyone down, this is just what I’ve noticed and what I see when people talk about pwBPD. It’s so harmful to us, pwBPD and it’s not fair. This is also just my personal opinion and I know this might be a longer read but I really do want others opinions on this topic.
I saw a post and it was talking about how people with BPD become psychologists, psychiatrists, special ed teachers, or just teachers, etc. and there were people commenting agreeing with them saying how we do this because we want the people we interact with to be vulnerable individuals, that we’re sick, and everything like that. Me seeing this brings me to the stigma on BPD and how exhausting it is to see it. At first I was like it’s not a real issue, it’s just some people that think poorly of it, but I’ve realized it’s a majority of people (or it sure seems like it). I had a thought that I don’t think I’m this bad person but maybe I should feel like I am. But I had a realization.. those people don’t know us. They don’t know our true struggles. And ignorance is only so bliss, at what point does it just become that you think we’re terrible people and you’re so much better? But who’s really worse here? Not saying they’re worst people, but like people who make posts like this, who’s really the problem? And then there was another post talking about don’t ever seek revenge because their karma is living life and I just thought that was so sick and disheartening. I don’t agree with it at all. And I don’t recommend going down those rabbit holes because it is not good for your psyche.
What I’ve realized is these people truly do not know what they’re talking about. I think there’s a lot of issues with people not separating someone being abusive from them having BPD. I do see sometimes people blaming their abusiveness on BPD, which does create the stigma and I hate to see it because I don’t think it’s true at all. I think, pwBPD, we’re great, amazing people. We have our own struggles, so does everybody else, but that doesn’t make us terrible people. And not targeting anyone at all because I know we all have our own struggles, but if someone’s being abusive and they have BPD, they’re not abusive because they have BPD. They’re abusive because they have other traumas, there are other reasons to be abusive, or it’s just a separate thing, or it could simply be they’re not a good person and they just happen to also have BPD. That’s my spiel.
I don’t know if this is allowed but I’m sick and tired of seeing the stigma around it, and also the stigma that gets created. And lastly I’m sick and tired of people blaming their abusive behaviors on their mental illness. I know we’re all different, we all have our own struggles, but I personally haven’t abused anyone. And I guess you really don’t know until you’re in their shoes, but I’ve always been someone who doesn’t like to blame things on my disorders. I’m not perfect, I definitely have moments like having an overreaction to something and being like it’s because of my BPD, so I’m not saying I haven’t done that. But I think we as people with BPD need to learn where to separate our behavior from the disorder. Yes, behavior can come from the disorder, but we have to learn to take accountability, to learn coping skills, and try to get better. And I’m not saying “get better” like it’s that simple, I’m saying try to actively help yourself, because at some point these people who do use the disorder as an excuse, at some point you can no longer use it as an excuse.
I don’t know if this is coming off wrong at all. I’m not judging anyone, not saying this to be hurtful, I’m not generalizing everyone at all. I do not think, yes, we all meet certain criteria but even within that criteria it looks different for everybody. How everyone handles it and experiences it is different. So I also hate to see the generalization of people with BPD because everyone is so different. Even if someone experiences or reacts similarly it’s still different. But that’s where I’m at and I would love opinions. Please tell me if this is coming off wrong.
I hope all of you have an amazing Thursday and I hope one day I do reach remission, I think with hard work I can, and a lot of us can. But also last tangent, I’m sick and tired of this healthcare system. It’s not fair. I’m very, very fortunate that my healthcare pays for therapy and medication and all of this and I feel so grateful for that, and I hate it for everybody out there who wants help and treatment but can’t afford it or have no access. My heart goes out to you guys for that 🧡
I know you’re not looking for advice but I have noticed a lot of the work I do is outside work, from books I read to workbooks I do to non-harmful research, because you have to make sure you don’t go off into the wrong rabbit hole of just people talking shit about BPD. Because then it makes it hard to forgive yourself and be compassionate with yourself. So put yourself first. We’ve got this. We’re in this together. Everyone’s experience and lived experience is different and don’t ever let someone stigmatizing or generalizing us affect you the way it affected me, because if you truly think about it, they’re ignorant and they truly do not know us as individuals. One bad experience doesn’t make everybody terrible. That’s like eating a hamburger once and it wasn’t good so you think all hamburgers are disgusting and awful, compared to thinking, oh well maybe just this place wasn’t good, or maybe just this cook wasn’t good. So yeah. That’s my spiel of the day.
TLDR: Saw a post claiming pwBPD only go into helping professions to access vulnerable people and it sent me down a rabbit hole of BPD stigma that genuinely wrecked me. The stigma is exhausting, it’s harmful, and a lot of it comes from people conflating abusive behavior with BPD itself, those are not the same thing. We are not our worst moments and we are not the worst version of what strangers on the internet think we are. We’ve got this. 💙 we are kind. we are caring. We are worthy of love. We matter. Our disorder doesn’t define us!