I (23F) and my bf (35m) has been together for 1.5 months. Things escalated quickly and we started dating after a week of talking. We have 9 hours time difference and it’s already a thing on its own.
First couple of weeks were magical and we both were on the moon (which is fine. I knew it wouldn’t be like this all the time.) after a while, conversations got shorter and shallow mostly but there was still connection and I still felt loved throughout the relationship. He works throughout the weekday, he spends time with his friends on Saturday and he is mostly free during Sunday. I am planning on moving to his country this year.
He calls me once in a while between events; while driving somewhere, during lunch break, before meetups etc. But I always wanted a spare time where we could talk without any interruptions. It rarely happens. I want to spend more time and actually get to know each other better before I go through all of the steps to move to his country but he thinks it’ll happen with time, but with this pace, we won’t be able to know each other that much even we spend years together. Sometimes (especially during weekdays) conversations feel so shallow and more like a news exchange rather than genuine interaction and when this happens for a couple of days, I start to feel disconnected.
The main problem is, whenever I try to bring this up, he takes it as me not understanding he has to work and everyday cant be the same. He just says that he has a life and he has to work to pay the bills and he just can’t understand why I can’t grasp the fact.
My request was never more but better. For some reason, I can not get him understand what I exactly want and he just assumes I want his attention 24/7.
We had an argument last Thursday. He left me on read after a kiss emoji and I was just teasing him about leaving me on read. Then he said he didn’t have anything to reply to which made me feel bad because why do you need something to reply to? We had an argument and he just states it as me not grasping the fact that he has to work and everyday cant be the same. We talked on the phone about it for 20 minutes but he was picking up a friend so the conversation got cut. I’ve sent him a long message, trying to explain him what was going on and how i actually felt. He still didn’t get it and I’ve sent another 2 long messages which triggered him cause looks like his ex was sending this long messages and this means things are going bad if we got to this point.
I said I wanted to talk on the phone because we have this same argument couple of times at this point. I wait a whole week for a genuine conversation, we still have a call and talk for an hour but it’s still not actual bonding because it happens between events and I know the conversation will get cut at one point, then the weekday comes and I have this built up feeling and I feel disconnected much shorter, I open up about it and it turns into this same topic that I can’t understand the fact he has to work.
He said he wanted to talk about it on Sunday because he wanted to be free for this. It was Saturday when we had this conversation and he was going to a friend’s place to hangout. I asked about her and he asked if I was stalking his friend out of nowhere because I’ve checked his followings once and asked about a girl before (which happened in the beginning of the relationship). I went nuts at that point and asked him why was he even with a woman that he thinks is immature, possessive and stupid at this point. He said this doesn’t bring us happiness anymore and it wasn’t like this before. I agreed and said let’s have this conversation and decide if we are in this or not.
Sunday came, we went back and forth, he is going through a stressful time because of finances and said I’ve been complaining for the past two weeks and it’s not healthy for both of us. I said are you willing to talk and he said yes but he needed time to process everything and he has to be really okay for a conversation like this and he is not ready. I said let me know when you’re ready and he just said okay. This was yesterday. It’s been 5 days after the incident and we haven’t talked in the past 24 hours. I’ve sent him a reel about missing him and he just liked it, didn’t text me or said anything.
I don’t know what to do or say at this point. He’s so convinced that I’m just spoiled and want attention everyday but that’s not even the point. I’d like some advice for both perspectives and if I should actually fight for this or not