u/CommercialMedia611

Recently joined a fairly new DL. Haven’t got round to buying a padlock for my locker yet but not an issue really as anything valuable like my phone comes to the spa with me. Twice now I’m fairly sure I’ve returned and someone has gone through my bag - items emptied and out in the locker etc. there’s nothing of value in there just dirty workout clothes, old makeup, my handbag is a bit of a dumpling ground.
This has never had happened at any of the cheaper gyms I’ve been at where most people just hang their bags up on the pegs in the changing room.

I’ve had a really good year, won multiple awards, had a great ARCP and taken good steps towards building a portfolio for my chosen speciality. My next 3 jobs are all jobs that are either my chosen speciality or directly relevant so FY2 should be a good year for me. I’ve made multiple friends both medical and nursing so generally have a good time at work and have recieved good feedback from various members of the MDT. Up until recently I’ve been feeling really positive about the future and happy with the way my life is going.

However, the last few weeks at work have been increasingly difficult in the sense we are constantly short staffed, we are a department well known for having absolutely shit seniors (registrars go home at 1pm, refuse to come and review patients etc). They’re often trust grade regs and the answer I’ve got when raising it is they’re the only ones that’ll fill the post. I haven’t worked a single on call shift this rotation where my fellow FY1 hasn’t called in sick so I often am doing the job of 2 or 3 others. More recently, I am finding myself being blamed for the laziness or lack of work of others. No one cares about the 12 jobs I did do, they want to call me out on the one job I didn’t do because time didn’t allow. When I say I escalated to the senior and that I was running out of time to do it all they’ll give me some sort of response “well a discharge summary/X referral etc etc is an FY1 job so you should be doing it”. I understand the job of a discharge summary is below that of the FY1, but when I’m literally the only junior in the team due to sickness I’d appreciate a bit of help from my seniors rather than them sitting in the mess.
The ones who don’t bother just lie low and fly below the radar. I work with an FY1 who is genuinely so lazy and absent from the department most seniors don’t even realise they are part of the team. The expectation on them is so low they can do bare minimum and it be ok. I’m finding myself become increasingly anxious and feel like today it’s come to a head. I’m supposed to be on annual leave but have had a call from an angry cardiologist regarding a referral I made; when I said I’m not at work so can’t action his recommendations and he’ll need to get in touch with the parent team he gave me a lot talk about how I shouldn’t have made the referral then and hung up on me. Things are coming back to me that are a result of a lack of appropriate staffing in the department or things I have done on instruction of my seniors. I’ve been trying to enjoy my annual leave but time myself constantly refreshing my work emails. Another example is that I mentioned in passing I might be available for locum in my annual leave. Someone’s called in sick and I’ve said I can’t come in. I’ve been named in the entire juniors group chat as being available by the rota coordinator, everyone’s tagging me asking when I’m coming in and when I say I am no longer available they’re frustrated at me. I never agreed to locum this shift on this day, I just mentioned in passing if any locums came out on my A/L I might pick one up as I’m short on money.
I have this feeling of dread that something awful is about to happen that I’m going to be blamed for and I can’t get out of the overthinking spiral.