Hi, this is my first time posting on this subreddit and I don't usually use reddit that much so please bear with me if I used the wrong flair or say something wrong in my post. Im also typing very fast so i apologise for bad grammar/wording in advance. We are also based in the UK if that is helpful.
I am not a parent, but I am the oldest daughter (19) in a family which has myself, my mother (37) and my 3 younger siblings: almost 10(M), 8(M) and 6(F). I am basically a second parent though. The 8 year old and 6 year old are both autistic and non verbal, and I would say its like a higher level of autism(?). This post will mainly be about the 8 year old boy, because he is the most difficult to manage.
He has always been difficult to manage and he has multiple meltdowns a day when he doesn't get what he wants. This could range from wanting juice, wanting ice cream, wanting sweets. My mum and I clash when it comes to his demands because she just wants to give it to him so he stops having a meltdown, because he can become violent. I on the other hand refuse to give him what he wants because I personally think it will make him worse. However I understand my mum's perspective as dealing with his meltdowns can last hours, and she does a lot more managing of him than I do.
A lot of the time he will also try destroy everything in the house for no reason at all. For example, we have had issues with him ripping every single piece of paper he sees in the house. This has led to multiple important letters being destroyed. It still persists and he still wants to rip everything that can be ripped, then taps it on his head like he does with most items. I think its stimulating.
What led me to make this post is what happened yesterday. I was looking after them while my mum went shopping and after giving them their food i went downstairs to go and put the plates in the sink. I come back to my 10 year old brother screaming that my 8 year old brother had smashed the TV because he was angry. Sure enough, I came back and the TV was broken. I feel very guilty because it was my fault to be honest, I know not to leave him out of sight but its just so frustrating.
To name a more dangerous thing he has done, he has escaped through the front door a total of 3 times, with the police being called at one time. Once on my 17th birthday, once when my cousins came over, and the most recent one being a few days ago, but thankfully there was a marathon so a lot of people saw him. We live in a tourist area so thankfully there were crowds of people in front of our front door. In all of these situations, we have turned around for like a total of 3 minutes, and also, we found him all the times in like a minute or so, but its still scary. we have 2 locks on the door and he knows how to open both
Every day he gets more aggressive and destructive and we seriously do not know what to do, my mum is shutting down, and so am I. My little sister who also has autism is difficult to manage, but with her, she has occasional meltdowns and she has a habit of eating dirt off the floor, which means we also have to keep the house clean all the time. I've finished uni for my first year already, so I am available to look after them more, but with second year coming up, I don't know how we will manage him especially if he gets worse over the summer. This is why i'm looking for more advice and possible reassurance. Anything can help. My biggest wish was for him and my sister to talk one day or even do anything honestly, but with the way its going right now, I really doubt it.