I almost died yesterday.
Throwaway account.
I have been having a hard hard time lately, school, work, family, its like everything is against me and I'm exhausted. Exhausted of being perfect and having perfeft grades. Im so fucking tired of it all. I hate these expectations I have on my back and I had almost done it.
I stopped after I wrote 3 notes, 2 to my friends and 1 to my mother and realized I had a lot more to write to. I didnt cry when I wrote them, I cried when I imagined what my mom would do when she found me or the note. Or My sister who just had a baby, after id been with her every minute in the hospital. Or my niece who would just know me as the 'aunt who killed herself'.
I ended up trashing the letters and not doing anything, I dont think ill ever tell anyone else about this. Wanted to tell some people, I dunno if its because im proud of myself for walking away or to convey some regret for not having the balls to go through with it.